Am I Still Writing?

Someone asked me this question the other day: “Are you still writing? I haven’t seen any stuff from you lately.”

Internally, I had a slight Sarah moment (from the Bible in Genesis 18) when her husband Abraham was being spoken to and told that she would have a baby. From another tent, she laughed inside and thought against what was said. I literally laughed within myself before I physically said “yes.”

Laughing to oneself

The only problem with writing is that when it becomes you, whatever is on your inside will begin to flow through your work. This could be mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Your work can begin to reveal you. This is not the same for all writer’s; and I’m not suggesting or posing that it is, but this is the case for me currently.

So, I am still writing but I haven’t been publishing my works to the world. As a writer, I am very conscious of splitting personal works (not for public domain) and public works (blogs, websites; etc, that is shared with everyone).  I don’t believe that everything you write should always be shared. I don’t believe in just releasing everything you write to the world.  And I don’t believe in releasing works prematurely. I believe that you need to have wisdom in what you share with people as it can; and more likely will, impact them. I only wish to better a person, and quite frankly all that I have written lately does not always do that.

A writer’s works need to be filtered through, only bringing out the best whilst still revealing the reality of what is going on. But again, this is my view and not your holy grail.

If you know me, then you’ll know that my writing is very much focussed on the mind. I love creating characters and diving into their minds, and seeing what is happening inside of them in order for them to be shown. It’s quite like a revealing, I reveal them from the inside out; hopefully having a happy ending but this is not always the case.

Lately my genre has been psychological thriller. My works have been focussing on the inner thoughts of a person: what they are saying inside that is different from the outside, what they really believe, what they like, what they don’t like, where they agree and don’t agree, what they really think of themselves, etc.

Arguing and thinking within oneself

Whatever I write and in whatever format I do it in, it becomes very mental heavy. It engages the reader (currently myself) to really take a look at themselves. At times this can become very weary as now that I am further in my process of becoming a writer (see my previous post on this) my works are asking me the question of: Is this in you?

As a writer, when your work starts speaking to your personally, it can be quite a scary thing. When the character becomes more of you than you intended, you can only begin to answer the questions yourself; honestly and purely.

So again, yes I am still writing but I am also having a Jacob/ Israel moment (an old and new nature fighting against each other). My challenge has always been whether what I have is good enough, and unfortunately some people have answered the question incorrectly for me, and I have stupidly let them.

Now I need to answer that question myself and know how to press forward. So I need God to work on my inside so that all the writings I release are strongly convicted in me and freeing to the world.  So just because I have gone quiet, it doesn’t mean that I am not writing, but I am walking out this writer’s walk as my writings ARE ME.

So you will be seeing my writings soon. Bare with me as I war against myself and find confidence again in what God has given me. It’s not always so easy to “get over yourself,” but it is always possible to walk through it and be the best you.

 

Understanding Magneto

Magneto is one of the most iconic characters in the Marvel franchise. A powerful mutant known for his ability to generate and control magnetic fields, and his firm beliefs and somewhat ‘unorthodox’ methods in enforcing that mutants are evolutionarily superior to humans.

The way in which Magneto handles things have caused us to categorise him as a villain. Can I be bold enough to say that I DO NOT believe Magneto is a villain?

Have we fell into the good vs evil emotional trap in the superhero world again? However wrong his actions may be, Marvel and the film industry have caused me to understand Magneto.

In 2008, Marvel mastermind and creator Stan Lee was interviewed and said he “did not think of Magneto as a bad guy. He just wanted to strike back at the people who were so bigoted and racist… he was trying to defend the mutants, and because society was not treating them fairly he was going to teach society a lesson. He was a danger of course… but I never thought of him as a villain.”

Our perspective of seeing Magneto as a villain is now being challenged. He was never created to be one. So why is he known as a villain?

Just from the above interview segment from Stan Lee alone, we see that we have judged, misunderstood and therefore misinterpreted Magneto. We have viewed an opinion of him based upon his external actions and missed his history and its impact on his heart and person.

Well let me tell you HIS-STORY…

Originally named Max Eisenhardt and born into a German-Jewish family in the late 1920’s. His family survived the Nazi rise to power, the passing of the Nuremberg Laws, and the Kristallnacht. They fled to Poland where captured during the German invasion of Poland, and sent to Warsaw Ghetto. They escaped but were betrayed and re-captured.

His family were executed and buried in a mass grave; only he survived. He escaped but was re-captured and sent to Auschwitz. He was reunited with Magda, who he fell in love with when he was younger and had escaped the prison camp revolt with. They married and settled in Vinnytsia, a west central city in Ukraine, with their daughter Anya. He adopted the name  “Magnus”.

Not really much of a villain thus far is he? A man constantly enslaved, saw his family slaughtered, and constantly on the run from people trying to kill him. Used and abused for his gifts at a young age.

Still believe he is a villain?

In Criminal Minds season 3 episode 10, BAU agent Rossi said, “life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person.” Situations had already began shaping Magneto but the next part of his story is where we see the unfolding and shaping of WHO he has now become.

The three of them lived happy until an angry mob, previously exposed to Magneto’s powers, burned down their home. Anya was still trapped inside, unable to be rescued due to the angry mob. Enraged, Magneto unleashed his powers and in the process killed the mob and destroyed a part of the city.

Magda; scared of his powers, left him and later gave birth to the mutant twins Pietro (Quicksilver) and Wanda (Scarlet Witch) before being presumed dead. Whilst on the run from the authorities and searching for Magda, Magneto took on the identity of Erik Lehnsherr and relocated to Israel. It was here that he met Charles Xavier whilst working at a psychiatric hospital near Haifa.

He lost everything… his heart failed. His entire soul (mind, will and emotions) was torn.

Is Magneto a villain to you now? We are so quick to judge him based upon his actions in how he responds to things, but never look at the reasons WHY. We do this also to people in the real world. Quick to judge their response but do not always attempt to understand or truly see them.

We can also be like Magneto sometimes. People and situations in our lives cause us to react in different ways. According to the history of Magneto, one could say he is accountable or only truly guilty of;

1. Responding inaccurately.
2. Letting people and situations infect him and make him worse.
3. Un-forgiveness and vengeance.
4. Stubbornness
5.  Pride

This is because of never dealing with, and truly getting over the scars of his past. If anything, Magneto is a wounded, hurting man. How different are we at times?

Professor Charles Xavier was the opposite, he had his own mutant struggles and a much more healthier upbringing. He and Magneto debated the consequences humanity faced with the rise of mutants. Charles believed that humans did not understand mutants and that mutants must show humans a different way. Magneto disagreed because of everything humans had cost him.

Charles had the ability to see Magneto, to understand him.

He was one of very few people who understood and believed that with a little help, Magneto could change. That Magneto could use his past to better his future. The fullness of his powers came from his pain and re-focussing it.

Charles saw Magneto for who he was; faults and all. He acknowledged and accepted both the good and bad inside of Magneto. He did not deny any part of Magneto as a person.

It was because of his ability to do this that he could reach Magneto. He allowed Magneto to see something different, being reason for Magneto’s battles between being a villain, anti hero and superhero. He occasionally was an ally and member of the X-Men at times also.

Xavier knew how to walk with people, he did this with Magneto. Not just in word but in action. Regardless of who Magneto chose to be, he still tried to reach Magneto with an open heart and mind believing Magneto could change.

Even though Magneto chooses to not forgive humans, Xavier chooses to keep trying to help him see a different way; a better way. He wants to change his perspective; his heart. He can only do this through understanding and accepting Magneto for all he is.

However, Charles knows that he himself must still battle against Magneto otherwise there would be no humans left. It is great expecting change but you must not diverse from your own personal walk, path and purpose. Charles still had to correct and challenge Magneto on what he was doing in the present, even though he believed he could change. He saw Magneto’s future but also acknowledged the corruption of Magneto’s present because of his unwillingness and hardships in letting go and forgiving his past.

We need to look beyond the external actions of people and see the heart; see inside them. This does not mean we accept and agree with their responses all the time but we understand what has happened on the inside of them, and are willing to walk them through or with them through the scars. We still need to correct and possibly even rebuke; but still love. Showing them grace until healing and deliverance (freedom) from their wounds come.

Magneto does not need to prove that mutants are better than humans, he does not need to try and turn humans into mutants, he does not need to destroy humans… I don’t agree with his actions in the slightest but I understand why he does what he does. He is accountable for whom he chooses to be.

Hearts must be taken into consideration because if they’re not, you’ll lose that person. We do not justify or highlight what they do, but we must see and acknowledge what is happening on their inside rather than judging from external actions.

 

 

 

A Boy Wielding His Sword

Last week a friend of mine got me to play catch-up to BBC2 historical drama  ‘The Last Kingdom‘. Set in the year 872 where the separate kingdoms, now known as England, had fallen to the invading Danes. This had left the great kingdom of Wessex standing alone and defiant. A Saxon man, Uhtred, is captured as a slave and raised by the Danes. He must now choose a side and play his part in the birth of a nation, alongside King Alfred the Great. Please forgive me as my history is a little rough on the edges.

As soon as I saw the opening credits for episode one I automatically wanted to switch it over as it is not my viewing taste but I was caught by a dominant image that has stained my mind and provoked my blog post today.

In the first battle scene as the Danes are conquering, Uhtred who is only aged 10 at the time, picks up his sword and shield to fight. When watching it I cringed and thought to myself “what is he doing?” as I knew he did not stand a chance. He was untrained not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. This young boy was not ready for war or his purpose at this moment in life.

My provoked thought just from this scene was; What are the dangers of a boy nature in a man’s body? Please do not get caught up on the wording of this sentence, gender plays no connotation as I am referring to maturity but figuratively in the visuals of a man and boy.

When soldiers go to war, men are sent. Gideon’s army was narrowed down to 300 men (Judges 7). Intensive training and regimes are undergone when training for war. You are prepared mentally, physically and emotionally in order to face war. You go in a boy and come out a man, as they say. Every part of you is stripped, your boy nature is broken down. It is broken as this immature nature cannot carry you through a war, it will only let you go so far.

Outside of physical war, we all as a people need to be trained. The boy nature within us all exists. The nature that wants no responsibility and little accountability but thinks it is ready for anything. If your boy nature is stronger than your man nature then there is a problem.

Uhtred, even though a slave to the Danes, was eventually taken on as a son by them in the programme and trained to be a fighter. They taught him how to fight strategically and wield his sword. The problem we can have as people are that we let our boy nature wield our lives. Immaturity masks maturity.

The problem with a boy nature is that after it has had its satisfaction met, it leaves behind a mess. The mess can be very damaging not only to the situation it was involved in but also the others involved or around it. It leaves wounds and scars because of the refusal to grow up and deal with a situation properly.

1 Corinthians 13:11 says ‘When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things’ (New Living Translation).

If we stay as a child, we will reap the benefits of a child. We must learn to reign in our boy natures. We cannot let our boy nature control our lives as it will cost us in the long run.

Before a soldier is sent, his training must first be completed and completed to the required standard. We cannot win life with a boy nature, only the growing of maturity will cause us to rise in life.

Think about your life and where you can identify this boy nature. Be encouraged to work on changing this nature before this nature completely changes you.

 

Sometimes Only Beauty Can Talk To Your Beast

Disney characters are not my usual choice of subject matter but I must admit that my mind has presently become enchanted by the story of ‘Beauty and the Beast‘.

A witch places a curse upon a handsome Prince turning him into a beast because of the horror of his character. An old man is held captive by the beast due to an accident and his daughter Belle goes on a rescue mission to get her father back but falls into a much bigger adventure; falling in love and releasing the Beast from his curse.

This tale has a happy ending but life does not always grant us such a wish. Although this story is make-believe, it also mirrors human reality.  We are allured into a display of unconditional love. The fierce awakened heart of Belle vs the dead heart of the Beast.

Belle’s beauty not only entices the natural eye but is also within. Beauty is defined in the dictionary as;

The quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, colour, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

It is a personality and character trait, not just an external mark. Belle’s internal beauty not only accepts but unrestrictedly loves. The bravery of her heart pours out love and life to the Beast who is cold and uninviting in nature.

What I love about both characters other than their vast differences is their need for each other. Life must meet with death.

Life can cause us to become like the Beast; ugly. Part of our nature, our character turns wild in order to cope with how we have handled life. We can become cold on the inside whilst operating as normal in society. Externally we have it all going on but internally we are or have died.

We can bring the term ‘living dead’ to life, physically alive but internally sleeping.  The Beast was as fine as can be. He operated in all his powers and duties as Prince but a part of him was quite dead on the inside.

The thought came to me recently that we all need beauty in our lives. Pure and true love brings forth a deeper beauty that outshines its external counterpart. The kind of love that melts hearts and is not destructive or lustful. Belle’s warm heart and loving nature freed an enslaved Prince from his cruel and selfish nature. We all need a nature in life that causes us to become better.

This can be seen in the relationship of Phoebe and Cole in the TV series Charmed. Cole is a half human/ half demon (Belthazor) sent to kill Phoebe and her sisters who are witches. Cole falls in love with Phoebe and it is this love that not only saves Phoebe and her sisters but also Cole. The beauty of love from Phoebe takes over and helps the beast inside Cole.

 

Again this happens  in the film Dracula: Untold. In order to protect his kingdom Prince Vlad becomes a monster (vampire). When the beast inside of him becomes stronger it is his wife who calms the beast through love by reminding him of who he really is.

These examples show beauty and love through the vessel of a woman but I want us to look beyond gender and see that the real beauty is expressed through their internal nature. This beauty within them and a ‘knowing’ of who they are paves way for unconditional love, continuous persistence and strength to accept those they love. Out of this strength a hope and grace is released which empowers them to walk alongside a beast nature until the original nature comes back.

Sometimes it is hard to talk to a beast but love can break through. On our good and bad days we can all become like the Hulk. Kind words, encouragement, wise counsel and advice; anything that awakens us inside is important. Not a quick fix pill but a character and nature that transforms us into who we really are.

The beast transformed back into the Prince but had changed his nature. Cole eventually lost Phoebe due to his dark side and lived in regret, never losing or forgetting his love for her. A battle caused Prince Vlad to lose his wife and he became a monster for eternity.

We always have a choice in the matter of who we become. We cannot control life circumstances or guarantee our endings but we can choose who we are. We must allow beauty to transform us when presented with it in its true form, accept true love. Finding this is a process but your journey with true beauty and love must begin.

 

 

What Is LIVING In Your Head?

Your mind is a vast specimen and an approved force to be reckoned with however in an unwholesome stage it can be your worst nightmare. Take a few minutes to watch the below clip from the series Criminal Minds (season 10 episode 11– The Forever People).

The above clip is solely my driven purpose for this blog post as I am not here to talk about this episode in its entirety.

Jennifer Jareau, known as JJ suffered traumatic and unforeseen abuse at the hands of her ex- overseas colleague, Tivon Askari, whilst working a case. JJ again became a victim of those which her and the team imprison. She suffered not only mental but also physical torture which triggered the loss of her unborn child; forever leaving her scarred.

After the death of Tivon, one year later she is forced to face the anniversary of the event. Every thought and emotion made its presence known and began to manifest like water given to plants. Just like the rest of humanity JJ is no exception to the constant battle of the mind. Even after one year JJ was under the assumption that she had dealt with the situation, which to us in our terms means “I thought I was over it?”.

For one whole year JJ functioned in her ability as a mum, wife and BAU agent. Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually she had dealt with very little concerning what had happened. We know this as the above clip speaks of JJ’s unconscious mind.

JJ’s dialogue makes for interesting discussion. Her behaviour started speaking which showed a change in her character. Something has shifted in JJ. Her speech, confidence and actions exhibited her non-verbal dialogue. The real conversation was between JJ and her unconscious mind, that which was internally speaking to her.

Tivon Askari

Your unconscious mind is very much alive. We go through different situations and circumstances of which we most times have no control over. The deciding factor of rising above or sinking beneath are the decisions we internally make which determine our actions. The only problem is that we forget to CHECK our unconscious mind.

By definition alone the word unconscious means without awareness, cognition or sensation. The processes in the mind that take place automatically and not given a reflection period. Our thought processes, memories, motivations, etc. The unconscious and its processes exist under the surface and impact our behaviour. Academic research studies have suggested that the unconscious includes repressed feelings, automatic skills, subliminal perceptions, thoughts, habits, automatic reactions and possibly hidden phobias and desires. Some processes expressed in dreams, slips of the tongue and jokes.

Dealing with that which is under the surface is a very important part of growing as a person. When a part of you is revealed and this is enlightened unto you, you have a responsibility and an accountability to do something about it. However as the unconscious deals with under the surface, it HAS to be revealed. Sometimes people are used to show us what we are really made of then at other times we can see our own reflections based upon how we respond to that which happens to us. Yes there is always help but we also have a part to play. JJ’s response was to function at home and work but what she really needed to do was face the monster in her unconscious mind.

Dr Reid addressing JJ’s behaviour

Rather than looking under our skin we can sometimes become efficient. Using what we have in order to just pass by in life rather than sacrificing ourselves to the fullest in order to be all we can be. We hide in the functioning of everyday life when in reality we are unaware of the damage we are doing to ourselves because we are not dealing with what we are really thinking, feeling and going through which is internally taking its toll. Regardless of how much we divorce ourselves from reality we  will never deal with what is under our surface until we face it for ourselves. We all have our own individual ways of dealing with things but what is really living in our minds? What is your unconscious mind saying to you?

The mental processing taking place in our mind is what needs to be daily re-evaluated and challenged. Whether this be our religious belief systems, our dealings with people, how we talk or act towards ourselves and others, our values, our jobs, our personal confidence and self esteem, our relationships with our neighbours, family and friends; the list goes on. We really need to check all our repressed feelings, automatic skills, subliminal perceptions, thoughts, habits, automatic reactions, hidden phobias and desires. We need to see what is going on inside of us. Even the Bible tells us to examine ourselves (1Corinthians 11:28) and look at yourself to change you before being quick to judge others (Matthew 7:5).

My proposal to you today and even unto myself is for us conduct an individual check-up on ourselves; our hearts, feelings and MIND. Yes there is more to our minds than the unconscious but we need to see what is living in it as it is that which has the potential to make or break us. Whether you turn to people for wise counsel or prayer, something needs to be done with the living elements in our minds. Do not be ignorant, deceived or not willing to deal with yourself.

Let’s find and take this journey. There will be times when we really do not like, want to see or even believe what is really underneath but I can assure you that taking and sticking with the best process is a lifetime commitment and will be beneficial. We are merely responding to what can be a great time of change and transformation.

 

 

Internally Shutter-boxed

Man can sometimes mirror machine. Not only has he the ability to function all day and night; sub-sectioning a vast intake whilst constantly re-charging but he also has the capacity to ‘break down’. Human nature has a way of dismissing that which it does not wish to face. Anything that causes internal conflict or outer uncomfortability can cause us to run like prey as if it were conscious of its predator.

Our life is the arena and we are the centre stage of it. All activity concerning us is present in the centre whilst spectators have their active or passive input. Our mind, will and emotions (soul), heart, spirit and physical being are all part of this centre which is affected by the activities of everyday life.

Situations and circumstances (activities of life) trailed alongside their outcomes form us as a people. Their affects shape and help build us into the people who we become and are today. These outcomes can have vibrant or fatal affects on us. We manifest the outcomes our situations and circumstances internally have on us. How we handle the outcomes begin to flow from us. They manifest behaviours and attitudes.

Our arenas; education, religion, work, economy and finance, politics, relationships- love/ family/ friends, culture and other avenues become infected . The exterior gives insight into the interior. How we handle decisions and choices, confusion, beliefs and doubts, unmet desires, frustrations and anger, discouragement, violence and abuse, etc is key to our internal selves.

At any given time or age these impacts on our heart, soul and physical selves still make us prone to the ability to shut ‘ones-self’ down. Today’s society is no better than the ancestors that have lived  before us and those yet to be birthed in a distant future. Even Adam and Eve hid once they had disobeyed God’s instructions (Genesis 3). Life and its hand dealings still have their impact on us.

The problem occurs when we internalise the problems by not handling them well or maybe not at all. We section off the parts we do not want to face. They become little stacker boxes or locked up crates with keys that can only be found in a treasure hunt. Some shut whilst others open. Internally we can hide in every corner or dark valley available to us that allows us to find shade rather than the light we need. We become masters of masquerading rather than transparent beings.

When we begin to shut down internally rather than be honest and face our Goliath’s (giants or mountains) we have a major problem. Not only will we become distant from our real selves but we begin to die inside.

Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee” (King James Version).

Regardless of religion or culture the above scriptural principle applies. Whatever you think you are, you become. The only way of outgrowing what we become is in changing our thoughts and emotions through our decisions from the impacts of life. We become better or worse people based on the internal attitude and what we have been told of who we are and who we internally choose to be, leading to our external manifested self.

Life is different for every person, some worse than others but all still damaging in a way to that particular individual, which I think we all can agree on. The best advice is that regardless of what has happened, seek help. Whether it be through religion or counsel; never internally shut down or get addicted to something that will numb the pain of an internal bleed. Do not internally box yourself up into compartments and write on them the wounds of what happened. Dealing with every box is beneficial, hard but beneficial to you being ALIVE internally.

We think that because everything looks ok on the outside that all is fine but if the inside of a man is not living then he is walking dead.

Proverbs 4:23 reading from the New Living Translation version of the Bible reads “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life”.

Your heart is central to who you are. When you stop living from it you begin to feel its affects. Life throws some wicked curve balls at us but we can choose to face them and their percussions or internally shutter box; functioning with the lights off. Find a way to not shut down internally but face who you are becoming or have become internally.