A Split Being

Humanity is known for its talent of hiding. We have learned the art of contouring, blending life’s situations and circumstances with our identities. Rather than seeking out the true nature of ourselves from the battles in life we have or may face, we can sometimes become lost in the very apparel of the scars life leaves behind.

These scars take on all forms, shapes and sizes. They come from all walks of life. We attain them as children and carry them our entire adult lives. We can either walk with our scars as healed people showing where we have come from or colour in our wounds to match our exterior but as soon as they are touched they bleed crimson red. The second type of walking with the scar can also be translated as ‘unresolved issues’. Those things that we think we are over but really there is another ‘person’ inside us who is warring to break out. We let our mask master us rather than us reigning over our mask.

Unresolved issues are like any other problem in life. They eventually come to the surface. You can not hide from yourself because sooner or later you will catch your reflection and have to face yourself.

Some of you may or may not remember a TV series titled ‘Heroes‘.  A set of stories about ordinary everyday people who discover they have superhuman abilities. These abilities bring them altogether for an ultimate purpose. Each character had their own story to tell along the battle field of good vs evil. However the character I would like us to get acquainted with is Niki Sanders.

One part of a triplet with the ability of enhanced strength at birth, adopted by the Sanders family which went on to form a great bond with her sister Jessica. Unfortunately her adoptive father was abusive creating circumstances which led to the death of her sister Jessica and a repressed mind state in which Niki developed a split personality.

Jessica & Niki Sanders

Niki had a family, a whole new life from the one she had once known. Niki’s abusive past created an alter ego which named itself as her sister Jessica. After many years she was once again faced with her father which conjured many different thoughts and emotions of her past. Jessica came to surface and protected Niki. As the doorway had been opened Jessica became more aggressive and powerful. Jessica could not be controlled by anyone, not even Niki. Niki did everything she could to suppress Jessica, she even took tablets as Jessica would leave for a while but when Niki had to face herself again Jessica would always come back.

The matter at hand here was Niki’s ‘unresolved issues’. Her mind had not faced the demons of her past which allowed an access point for an alter ego. Rather than going through the healing process her mind repressed everything she had experienced. Niki became two people, she was a split being.

Unresolved issues are an internal matter. When someone hurts us, if we don’t forgive or anything else for that matter, it creates a hard heart and we begin to feel the affects internally. This could be from simply thinking about a situation or person as well as seeing them or being put in a situation which has caused a scar. Our journey in life allows us to go through many different things. Some things we can handle and get over whilst others may be a bit of a struggle. It is very important to be honest with yourself and face the part of you that you are hiding from.

Some people have experienced what only we would say is inhumane justice in this world. Their stories tell of only darkness with which there is no light. This makes things harder as the battle has been so intense. However as John and Stasi Eldredge have taught me that you are always becoming someone or something no matter whether you are doing something or not. That God is interested in who you are becoming because you are becoming something. By dealing with your under the surface problems you are looking to become the true you but my burying them you are becoming something you are not.

Niki knew that she was not Jessica but Niki needed help in order to get rid of Jessica. When we do not deal with unresolved issues within us that which is not of us becomes stronger. Just like when Venom could take over Spiderman (see my blog post titled Resisting Venom) because he was being unforgiving and Jessica took over Niki; unresolved issues make us someone we are not.

We all need help in order to get rid of the shadows of who we become due to life’s situations and circumstances. The whole point of life is for us to be our selves to the best of life’s ability. We all struggle with the common human error of hiding but at what cost do we become someone else? Are our personal unresolved issues really worth us becoming something we are not?

We are better to face the pain than let the pain become our face internally. Being yourself is more precious and important than masquerading in a mask far from your real complexion.

 

 

 

Internally Shutter-boxed

Man can sometimes mirror machine. Not only has he the ability to function all day and night; sub-sectioning a vast intake whilst constantly re-charging but he also has the capacity to ‘break down’. Human nature has a way of dismissing that which it does not wish to face. Anything that causes internal conflict or outer uncomfortability can cause us to run like prey as if it were conscious of its predator.

Our life is the arena and we are the centre stage of it. All activity concerning us is present in the centre whilst spectators have their active or passive input. Our mind, will and emotions (soul), heart, spirit and physical being are all part of this centre which is affected by the activities of everyday life.

Situations and circumstances (activities of life) trailed alongside their outcomes form us as a people. Their affects shape and help build us into the people who we become and are today. These outcomes can have vibrant or fatal affects on us. We manifest the outcomes our situations and circumstances internally have on us. How we handle the outcomes begin to flow from us. They manifest behaviours and attitudes.

Our arenas; education, religion, work, economy and finance, politics, relationships- love/ family/ friends, culture and other avenues become infected . The exterior gives insight into the interior. How we handle decisions and choices, confusion, beliefs and doubts, unmet desires, frustrations and anger, discouragement, violence and abuse, etc is key to our internal selves.

At any given time or age these impacts on our heart, soul and physical selves still make us prone to the ability to shut ‘ones-self’ down. Today’s society is no better than the ancestors that have lived  before us and those yet to be birthed in a distant future. Even Adam and Eve hid once they had disobeyed God’s instructions (Genesis 3). Life and its hand dealings still have their impact on us.

The problem occurs when we internalise the problems by not handling them well or maybe not at all. We section off the parts we do not want to face. They become little stacker boxes or locked up crates with keys that can only be found in a treasure hunt. Some shut whilst others open. Internally we can hide in every corner or dark valley available to us that allows us to find shade rather than the light we need. We become masters of masquerading rather than transparent beings.

When we begin to shut down internally rather than be honest and face our Goliath’s (giants or mountains) we have a major problem. Not only will we become distant from our real selves but we begin to die inside.

Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee” (King James Version).

Regardless of religion or culture the above scriptural principle applies. Whatever you think you are, you become. The only way of outgrowing what we become is in changing our thoughts and emotions through our decisions from the impacts of life. We become better or worse people based on the internal attitude and what we have been told of who we are and who we internally choose to be, leading to our external manifested self.

Life is different for every person, some worse than others but all still damaging in a way to that particular individual, which I think we all can agree on. The best advice is that regardless of what has happened, seek help. Whether it be through religion or counsel; never internally shut down or get addicted to something that will numb the pain of an internal bleed. Do not internally box yourself up into compartments and write on them the wounds of what happened. Dealing with every box is beneficial, hard but beneficial to you being ALIVE internally.

We think that because everything looks ok on the outside that all is fine but if the inside of a man is not living then he is walking dead.

Proverbs 4:23 reading from the New Living Translation version of the Bible reads “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life”.

Your heart is central to who you are. When you stop living from it you begin to feel its affects. Life throws some wicked curve balls at us but we can choose to face them and their percussions or internally shutter box; functioning with the lights off. Find a way to not shut down internally but face who you are becoming or have become internally.

 

 

The Alter-Ego Doorway

I just watched a FANTASTIC episode of Criminal Minds, season 4 and titled ‘Conflicted’. The BAU team are investigating deaths of frat boys being lured to their deaths at a spring break hotel, where a manager and janitor have a unique bond. The episode sounds like another ‘orginal’ episode of Criminal Minds but you should DEFINITELY watch it.

The thing that caught my eye on was the ALTER-EGO. Adam Jackson (played by Jackson Rathbone) had a horrid (horrid being a nice word) childhood; his mother suffered spousal abuse and she died when he was young. He then lived with his step-father who de-flected the abuse he gave Adam’s mother onto Adam. He would dress Adam up in dresses, touch him inappropriately and would beat him.

Adam

To cope Adam formed an alter ego named Amanda. Amanda became the more dominant personality within Adam. She protected Adam by taking over in his child-hood when Adam would suffer the immense abuse from his step-father. Amanda was stronger than Adam.

When Adam was finally taken away from his step-father and taken into foster care; it was finally over. He was away from his step-father and could finally break free, get help and start afresh. When older, Adam found a friend in Julie Riley (played by Susan Ward) who helped out or volunteered at the foster home Adam was in. He then went onto work for Julie who became his boss and hotel manager at spring break resort hotel. She looked after him as if he was her own. However suddenly deaths occured. Alpha male frat boys were being killed- tied up, raped and suffocated. Adam happened to find the 2nd victim after being asked to clean the room; which was really the crime scene.

It turned out that Adam was the suspected couple that the BAU were looking for. Adam and … Amanda. Adam’s alter-ego caused him to dress up as a woman, lure the frat boys into hotel rooms, tied them up, gag their mouths, put a plastic bag over their head for suffocation and also rape them. What Adam suffered at the hands of his step-father which alter ego Amanda took over to cope with now became the act upon Adam in his older life. Amanda had all power whilst Adam did not know what was happening, he was still the young child within.

Amanda

This fascinated me on multiple levels leading to one trail of thought… does what we go through (past/ present/ future) open a doorway to be opened to another personality?

Is an alter-ego personality really a personality of something else?

Is an alter-ego really another spirit?

Does an alter ego help us cope with things?

What is it???

Bringing into context religion, science, psychology, sociology, etc… What purpose does an alter ego serve and is life a doorway for alter-ego’s to be produced?

I found this very interesting. Amanda came because of what Adam went through but Adam was the ‘REAL’ person. Therefore who or what was Amanda?

This just fascinates me. Such an interesting topic I personally think?

At the end of the episode Adam/ Amanda is caught and she vows to protect Adam by completely taking over and Adam becomes no more. Dr Reid (played by Matthew Grey Gubler) keeps visiting Amanda, in a devoted attempt to find and bring back Adam. Dr Reid then quotes;

Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win- Stephen King

But SPIRITS are also real…

Ok… hold up, let’s take a step back. Am I really saying that an alter-ego is a spirit? Well the answer is YES! However I would like to say that it is a spirit for the better or the worse.

Think about it, even as children we play pretend, play make believe and even have imaginary friends. Even as children we create/ form these characters that are not actually real. In most cases these characters disappear but in some cases they don’t. Let’s get into this. Let’s talk about the great film (in my eyes) Hide and Seek.

Film: Scene from Hide and Seek

A father (played by Robert De Niro) goes to great lengths to help his daughter Emily (played by Dakota Fanning) by personally and professionally getting her the help she needs after witnessing her mothers dead body in a bath of blood due to her commiting suicide. He uproots and moves Emily to a new area, a new environment and everything as her progression was slow. Here we go… let’s get ready… Emily suddenly has an imaginary friend called Charlie. Her and Charlie are now the best of friends. However things become very strange. Cutting a lond story short, Charlie turns out to be her father… his ‘other side’, after he could not get over his wife cheating. Charlie formed, killed his wife and others, almost his own daughter.Does this not sound similar to my point about Adam and Amanda??? Once again another person with an alter ego.

However comic superheros are also know for having alter egos; Superman and Clark Kent, Spiderman and Peter Parker, Bruce Banner and the Hulk; Bruce Wayne and Batman, etc… These superhero’s have alter-egos but they aren’t bad. They are actually good. But then on the other hand we have some of the greatest characters such as Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde; once again another alter-ego personality but a bad one in this case.

Not only has fiction constructed alter-egos but so has reality. Popstars including the talented Beyonce has Sasha Fierce, Nicky Minaj has many including Barbie and now Roman; even pop king Michael Jackson had Peter Pan.

What’s my point? What am I trying to say? Am I slating alter-ego and it’s research… NO. Am I saying people are possessed and crazy…. NO. I’m saying that an alter-ego is a spirit, spirit in the context of a personality looking for a body then making itself known. An alter-ego to me is a new nature. We call it a character, a trait, an action similar to ourselves or a hidden part of ourselves; regardless it is a nature. Something we aquire to do.

Biblical references come to mind.

James 1: 8– A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

Luke 17: 33– Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.

In both Criminal Minds and Hide and Seek, both parties lost their lives to their alter-egos. The alter egos formed were dominant and took over, rather than hellping them cope with the bad hand that life dealt then it resulted in them losing their lives. A new nature is a good thing, it was never meant to be bad.

An alter-ego serves as a good and a bad thing. Life throws crap (being a nice word) at us. People suffer in un-imaginable ways and their life becomes no more- Adam Jackson from Criminal Minds being a fictional example. I’m sure we all know someone in reality though???

Circumstances and situaions we go through, whether we know or do not know- good or bad; will open up doorways. There’s always a consequence for everything we do, whether the offender or the victim. But don’t let the wrong alter-ego in. We can have personlity’s (and thankfully we do) but we should still be the person we are rather than creating something we are not.

Masquerade. Paper faces on parade. Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you.- The Phantom of the Opera

Don’t hide away too much…