When I was a little girl I used to love playing ‘pretend’. My imagination would conjure up real life scenarios of which I would act out. This would be anything from being a wife, a mother, a schoolteacher; anything occupying my own land. Each component was totally under my power and control. I was my own scriptwriter, I wrote my own endings. As age outstretched me, I grew up and lost interest in playing my childhood ‘pretend’ games.
The definition for the word pretend is to make believe, to appear falsely or as to deceive. It is not real, it may feel and appear real but in reality there is no definitive line. The edges are blurred and what you think you see is nothing but a warped perception of a very real reality.
My question to us today is,
Do you play pretend in your life?
Life has taught me that children are not the only ones with imaginary friends but adults have them too. Adults can get caught up in the game. This can be in not wanting to face certain people or situations in our lives, burying deep emotions built up from circumstances we have or may still be going through, or acting as if everything is ok when really it is not. A case of not acknowledging the truth or wanting to accept a truth in our lives.
When I used to play pretend I got to a point where I had to remember that what I was playing was not actually real. There would be times where I got so caught up in a game that when I stepped out of it I felt weird, like a different person. So what am I saying? I am not saying that children cannot use their imaginations to play pretend, but what I am saying is that adults cannot play pretend in life and think that their pretense is real.
My mom would always call me for dinner or I would get bored of playing pretend. Life has a way of waking us up from our sleep. There has to be an acknowledgment of truth in our lives in order for us to stop playing. It becomes dangerous if we continue to accept its invitation to play after a certain age.
Yes there are times when we do not want to face the world or anything in it. Days we just want to hide and shut away. However you cannot let a time or season like this turn into an eternity. Facing your own pretense is a good thing as it causes you to see what is real and allows you to move on.
We all need to move on and learn how to handle situations we encounter. Letting go of what was and moving towards what can be. Being held in your past or present is no good thing, being set free from your past and making the right decisions in your present can make way for a better future.
Wise counsel, guidance, advice and true genuine relationships are needed but we must accept truth. Without truth we can live in a world of make believe, deceiving ourselves to the reality of our lives and who we are.
Disney characters are not my usual choice of subject matter but I must admit that my mind has presently become enchanted by the story of ‘Beauty and the Beast‘.
A witch places a curse upon a handsome Prince turning him into a beast because of the horror of his character. An old man is held captive by the beast due to an accident and his daughter Belle goes on a rescue mission to get her father back but falls into a much bigger adventure; falling in love and releasing the Beast from his curse.
This tale has a happy ending but life does not always grant us such a wish. Although this story is make-believe, it also mirrors human reality. We are allured into a display of unconditional love. The fierce awakened heart of Belle vs the dead heart of the Beast.
Belle’s beauty not only entices the natural eye but is also within. Beauty is defined in the dictionary as;
It is a personality and character trait, not just an external mark. Belle’s internal beauty not only accepts but unrestrictedly loves. The bravery of her heart pours out love and life to the Beast who is cold and uninviting in nature.
What I love about both characters other than their vast differences is their need for each other. Life must meet with death.
Life can cause us to become like the Beast; ugly. Part of our nature, our character turns wild in order to cope with how we have handled life. We can become cold on the inside whilst operating as normal in society. Externally we have it all going on but internally we are or have died.
We can bring the term ‘living dead’ to life, physically alive but internally sleeping. The Beast was as fine as can be. He operated in all his powers and duties as Prince but a part of him was quite dead on the inside.
The thought came to me recently that we all need beauty in our lives. Pure and true love brings forth a deeper beauty that outshines its external counterpart. The kind of love that melts hearts and is not destructive or lustful. Belle’s warm heart and loving nature freed an enslaved Prince from his cruel and selfish nature. We all need a nature in life that causes us to become better.
This can be seen in the relationship of Phoebe and Cole in the TV series Charmed. Cole is a half human/ half demon (Belthazor) sent to kill Phoebe and her sisters who are witches. Cole falls in love with Phoebe and it is this love that not only saves Phoebe and her sisters but also Cole. The beauty of love from Phoebe takes over and helps the beast inside Cole.
Again this happens in the film Dracula: Untold. In order to protect his kingdom Prince Vlad becomes a monster (vampire). When the beast inside of him becomes stronger it is his wife who calms the beast through love by reminding him of who he really is.
These examples show beauty and love through the vessel of a woman but I want us to look beyond gender and see that the real beauty is expressed through their internal nature. This beauty within them and a ‘knowing’ of who they are paves way for unconditional love, continuous persistence and strength to accept those they love. Out of this strength a hope and grace is released which empowers them to walk alongside a beast nature until the original nature comes back.
Sometimes it is hard to talk to a beast but love can break through. On our good and bad days we can all become like the Hulk. Kind words, encouragement, wise counsel and advice; anything that awakens us inside is important. Not a quick fix pill but a character and nature that transforms us into who we really are.
The beast transformed back into the Prince but had changed his nature. Cole eventually lost Phoebe due to his dark side and lived in regret, never losing or forgetting his love for her. A battle caused Prince Vlad to lose his wife and he became a monster for eternity.
We always have a choice in the matter of who we become. We cannot control life circumstances or guarantee our endings but we can choose who we are. We must allow beauty to transform us when presented with it in its true form, accept true love. Finding this is a process but your journey with true beauty and love must begin.
The realm of reality and fantasy are very tainted in today’s world. What is real we cannot or do not want to accept and what is fictional feels so real that we sometimes become greatly entangled and lost in its false reality.
Recently at work I was able to assess the film ‘Shutter Island‘. I have watched this film several times and thoroughly enjoyed it but after assessing it at work it created a new line of mental thought processing for me. I saw the film in a new light, the truth about DECEPTION.
Due to a traumatic past event, Teddy Daniels (played by actor Leonardo DiCaprio), created an alternative reality in which acted as a coping mechanism to help him suppress what had really happened. He had a new identity and story (life), both of which completely overshadowed what really was. Without giving too much away and to keep focus, this fantasy lasted for two years; his own personal lie became his reality.
If we pause for a minute and really digest those last two sentences we would really see how dangerous deception really is. It took several psychiatrists, doctors and nurses to break the deception Teddy had built for himself in his mind. Everything he once knew had become nothing but a caged memory. The fortress of deception mentally told Teddy that his lie was real because Teddy was unable to come to terms and deal with the truth. Can you imagine that, an event traumatises you so severely that you create a lie so real that you really believe it? I must admit that I find that really scary. The line between reality and fantasy completely disappearing is a scary thought.
Shutter Island is just a film but the story it portrays is very real. We can sometimes get so caught up in a lie, in make-believe that we lose sight of what is real. Living in a lie is so much easier than facing the truth. The longer we stay asleep in the lie the harder it becomes to wake up to the truth. However as the film progresses we see that those who helped Teddy were able to ‘wake him up’. Just a side thought here, Teddy was dreaming for two years, imagine how it would be if it were longer?
Neo from ‘The Matrix‘ woke up because the world he was living in was not real to him anymore; there was something more. However when faced with the truth even he had to make choice to stay awake (reality) or go back to sleep (the lie).
The Matrix- Blue pill or Red pill
In order to stay awake we must choose to accept the truth; not part of it but all of it. Once we have accepted the truth we must face it; the situations, person(s), emotions or circumstances in order to find healing and freedom. The most important part that most of us forget is that we must fill the hole in our hearts and minds where the lie once lived. There not only has to be truth accepted and renewed on a daily basis in our lives but there must also be hope; a hope of something new or better than that which previously was.
The journey and fight to stay in truth is a constant battle. The lie will always try to creep back in; especially when we are progressing or in the middle of the process of recovery. We must find genuine hope, strength, vision as well as want, face and accept truth on a daily basis during this process.
If we do not face and walk through what we need to on this recovery journey then we will be in danger of returning to the lie that once captivated and moulded us into that which is not real.
You are at a travelling carnival and are about to take a ride on the merry-go-round. One of the most syked about rides; for all ages and it is not gender specific. It is for everyone and a happy fun ride. You can literally go on the ride over and over again; the same experience repeated with absolutely no change but each time feels different. The truth is that it is the same ride, going around in the same circle, in exactly the same spot. The only thing that changes is your emotions. However at some point the carnival must close for the night. You have to get off the merry-go-round and the owner shuts down the ride.
Life can sometimes be like that merry-go-round. You think you are moving when in reality you are jogging on the spot. The outside looks and sounds amazing but the internal nature has not changed, it only looks like it has moved. You fool everyone into thinking that all is well; your speech and learned habitual behaviour puts on a good show but eventually there is a leak. A leak when not fixed infiltrates other areas which also leak and before you know it there is no longer anything left standing because the necessary repairs were not made to the original leak.
What do you do when the performance is over? What do you do when the lights on your merry-go-round go off?
Do you get off? Do you run? Do you hide? Do you keep putting the same mask on? Do you even switch back on the light or create another show? What do you do? Really think about it. Really look into yourself and ask yourself what you do.
It is so easy to go through life on a merry-go-round and sometimes we can not even be aware of the fact that we never got off the merry-go-round. Emotions, self will, our mind, decisions and situations, even people, society and culture place us into deception and tell us that we got off but our nature inside of us has not changed because really we are still on the merry-go-round.
It is a challenge to live. Living is not easy especially when you want to live right. Life becomes a chore to so many people because situations and circumstances dictate whether they truly live life or are living dead. The problem is if we do not choose to wake up on the merry-go-round and get off, eventually it will break down. Referring to the ride, the paint will start to ware off, the mechanics of the ride itself will begin to seize up and malfunction; basically the ride will not work properly if not maintained accurately. The same can be said for a human; if they are not looked after properly and do not get what they need in order to live and be healthy then they will die.
So again I ask; What do you do when the performance is over? What do you do when the lights on your merry-go-round go off?
This is even something I myself am having to look at in my own life. Merry-go-rounds are very comfortable. They are easy to get on but getting off is a challenge; a daily active decision to get up and move because if you do not then your show will go on. Your life will be wasted because of choosing the show over choosing your life.
This thought came to me and now I am sharing it with you. Take a look at if you are on a merry-go-round or not and if you are then charge yourself with getting off. Do not live in your performance because your performance may not be who you really are or even worse, just not real.
I just watched a FANTASTIC episode of Criminal Minds, season 4 and titled ‘Conflicted’. The BAU team are investigating deaths of frat boys being lured to their deaths at a spring break hotel, where a manager and janitor have a unique bond. The episode sounds like another ‘orginal’ episode of Criminal Minds but you should DEFINITELY watch it.
The thing that caught my eye on was the ALTER-EGO. Adam Jackson (played by Jackson Rathbone) had a horrid (horrid being a nice word) childhood; his mother suffered spousal abuse and she died when he was young. He then lived with his step-father who de-flected the abuse he gave Adam’s mother onto Adam. He would dress Adam up in dresses, touch him inappropriately and would beat him.
Adam
To cope Adam formed an alter ego named Amanda. Amanda became the more dominant personality within Adam. She protected Adam by taking over in his child-hood when Adam would suffer the immense abuse from his step-father. Amanda was stronger than Adam.
When Adam was finally taken away from his step-father and taken into foster care; it was finally over. He was away from his step-father and could finally break free, get help and start afresh. When older, Adam found a friend in Julie Riley (played by Susan Ward) who helped out or volunteered at the foster home Adam was in. He then went onto work for Julie who became his boss and hotel manager at spring break resort hotel. She looked after him as if he was her own. However suddenly deaths occured. Alpha male frat boys were being killed- tied up, raped and suffocated. Adam happened to find the 2nd victim after being asked to clean the room; which was really the crime scene.
It turned out that Adam was the suspected couple that the BAU were looking for. Adam and … Amanda. Adam’s alter-ego caused him to dress up as a woman, lure the frat boys into hotel rooms, tied them up, gag their mouths, put a plastic bag over their head for suffocation and also rape them. What Adam suffered at the hands of his step-father which alter ego Amanda took over to cope with now became the act upon Adam in his older life. Amanda had all power whilst Adam did not know what was happening, he was still the young child within.
Amanda
This fascinated me on multiple levels leading to one trail of thought… does what we go through (past/ present/ future) open a doorway to be opened to another personality?
Is an alter-ego personality really a personality of something else?
Is an alter-ego really another spirit?
Does an alter ego help us cope with things?
What is it???
Bringing into context religion, science, psychology, sociology, etc… What purpose does an alter ego serve and is life a doorway for alter-ego’s to be produced?
I found this very interesting. Amanda came because of what Adam went through but Adam was the ‘REAL’ person. Therefore who or what was Amanda?
This just fascinates me. Such an interesting topic I personally think?
At the end of the episode Adam/ Amanda is caught and she vows to protect Adam by completely taking over and Adam becomes no more. Dr Reid (played by Matthew Grey Gubler) keeps visiting Amanda, in a devoted attempt to find and bring back Adam. Dr Reid then quotes;
Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win- Stephen King
But SPIRITS are also real…
Ok… hold up, let’s take a step back. Am I really saying that an alter-ego is a spirit? Well the answer is YES! However I would like to say that it is a spirit for the better or the worse.
Think about it, even as children we play pretend, play make believe and even have imaginary friends. Even as children we create/ form these characters that are not actually real. In most cases these characters disappear but in some cases they don’t. Let’s get into this. Let’s talk about the great film (in my eyes) Hide and Seek.
Film: Scene from Hide and Seek
A father (played by Robert De Niro) goes to great lengths to help his daughter Emily (played by Dakota Fanning) by personally and professionally getting her the help she needs after witnessing her mothers dead body in a bath of blood due to her commiting suicide. He uproots and moves Emily to a new area, a new environment and everything as her progression was slow. Here we go… let’s get ready… Emily suddenly has an imaginary friend called Charlie. Her and Charlie are now the best of friends. However things become very strange. Cutting a lond story short, Charlie turns out to be her father… his ‘other side’, after he could not get over his wife cheating. Charlie formed, killed his wife and others, almost his own daughter.Does this not sound similar to my point about Adam and Amanda??? Once again another person with an alter ego.
Not only has fiction constructed alter-egos but so has reality. Popstars including the talented Beyonce has Sasha Fierce, Nicky Minaj has many including Barbie and now Roman; even pop king Michael Jackson had Peter Pan.
What’s my point? What am I trying to say? Am I slating alter-ego and it’s research… NO. Am I saying people are possessed and crazy…. NO. I’m saying that an alter-ego is a spirit, spirit in the context of a personality looking for a body then making itself known. An alter-ego to me is a new nature. We call it a character, a trait, an action similar to ourselves or a hidden part of ourselves; regardless it is a nature. Something we aquire to do.
Biblical references come to mind.
James 1: 8– A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Luke 17: 33– Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.
In both Criminal Minds and Hide and Seek, both parties lost their lives to their alter-egos. The alter egos formed were dominant and took over, rather than hellping them cope with the bad hand that life dealt then it resulted in them losing their lives. A new nature is a good thing, it was never meant to be bad.
An alter-ego serves as a good and a bad thing. Life throws crap (being a nice word) at us. People suffer in un-imaginable ways and their life becomes no more- Adam Jackson from Criminal Minds being a fictional example. I’m sure we all know someone in reality though???
Circumstances and situaions we go through, whether we know or do not know- good or bad; will open up doorways. There’s always a consequence for everything we do, whether the offender or the victim. But don’t let the wrong alter-ego in. We can have personlity’s (and thankfully we do) but we should still be the person we are rather than creating something we are not.
Masquerade. Paper faces on parade. Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you.- The Phantom of the Opera
This can be seen in the relationship of 
Again this happens in the film 
Impressional Imprint 