Playing Pretend

When I was a little girl I used to love playing ‘pretend’. My imagination would conjure up real life scenarios of which I would act out. This would be anything from being a wife, a mother, a schoolteacher; anything occupying my own land. Each component was totally under my power and control. I was my own scriptwriter, I wrote my own endings. As age outstretched me, I grew up and lost interest in playing my childhood ‘pretend’ games.

The definition for the word pretend is to make believe, to appear falsely or as to deceive. It is not real, it may feel and appear real but in reality there is no definitive line. The edges are blurred and what you think you see is nothing but a warped perception of a very real reality.

My question to us today is,

Do you play pretend in your life?

Life has taught me that children are not the only ones with imaginary friends but adults have them too. Adults can get caught up in the game. This can be in not wanting to face certain people or situations in our lives, burying deep emotions built up from circumstances we have or may still be going through, or acting as if everything is ok when really it is not. A case of not acknowledging the truth or wanting to accept a truth in our lives.

When I used to play pretend I got to a point where I had to remember that what I was playing was not actually real. There would be times where I got so caught up in a game that when I stepped out of it I felt weird, like a different person. So what am I saying? I am not saying that children cannot use their imaginations to play pretend, but what I am saying is that adults cannot play pretend in life and think that their pretense is real.

My mom would always call me for dinner or I would get bored of playing pretend. Life has a way of waking us up from our sleep. There has to be an acknowledgment of truth in our lives in order for us to stop playing. It becomes dangerous if we continue to accept its invitation to play after a certain age.

Yes there are times when we do not want to face the world or anything in it. Days we just want to hide and shut away. However you cannot let a time or season like this turn into an eternity. Facing your own pretense is a good thing as it causes you to see what is real and allows you to move on.

We all need to move on and learn how to handle situations we encounter. Letting go of what was and moving towards what can be. Being held in your past or present is no good thing, being set free from your past and making the right decisions in your present can make way for a better future.

Wise counsel, guidance, advice and true genuine relationships are needed but we must accept truth. Without truth we can live in a world of make believe, deceiving ourselves to the reality of our lives and who we are.

Sometimes Only Beauty Can Talk To Your Beast

Disney characters are not my usual choice of subject matter but I must admit that my mind has presently become enchanted by the story of ‘Beauty and the Beast‘.

A witch places a curse upon a handsome Prince turning him into a beast because of the horror of his character. An old man is held captive by the beast due to an accident and his daughter Belle goes on a rescue mission to get her father back but falls into a much bigger adventure; falling in love and releasing the Beast from his curse.

This tale has a happy ending but life does not always grant us such a wish. Although this story is make-believe, it also mirrors human reality.  We are allured into a display of unconditional love. The fierce awakened heart of Belle vs the dead heart of the Beast.

Belle’s beauty not only entices the natural eye but is also within. Beauty is defined in the dictionary as;

The quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, colour, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

It is a personality and character trait, not just an external mark. Belle’s internal beauty not only accepts but unrestrictedly loves. The bravery of her heart pours out love and life to the Beast who is cold and uninviting in nature.

What I love about both characters other than their vast differences is their need for each other. Life must meet with death.

Life can cause us to become like the Beast; ugly. Part of our nature, our character turns wild in order to cope with how we have handled life. We can become cold on the inside whilst operating as normal in society. Externally we have it all going on but internally we are or have died.

We can bring the term ‘living dead’ to life, physically alive but internally sleeping.  The Beast was as fine as can be. He operated in all his powers and duties as Prince but a part of him was quite dead on the inside.

The thought came to me recently that we all need beauty in our lives. Pure and true love brings forth a deeper beauty that outshines its external counterpart. The kind of love that melts hearts and is not destructive or lustful. Belle’s warm heart and loving nature freed an enslaved Prince from his cruel and selfish nature. We all need a nature in life that causes us to become better.

This can be seen in the relationship of Phoebe and Cole in the TV series Charmed. Cole is a half human/ half demon (Belthazor) sent to kill Phoebe and her sisters who are witches. Cole falls in love with Phoebe and it is this love that not only saves Phoebe and her sisters but also Cole. The beauty of love from Phoebe takes over and helps the beast inside Cole.

 

Again this happens  in the film Dracula: Untold. In order to protect his kingdom Prince Vlad becomes a monster (vampire). When the beast inside of him becomes stronger it is his wife who calms the beast through love by reminding him of who he really is.

These examples show beauty and love through the vessel of a woman but I want us to look beyond gender and see that the real beauty is expressed through their internal nature. This beauty within them and a ‘knowing’ of who they are paves way for unconditional love, continuous persistence and strength to accept those they love. Out of this strength a hope and grace is released which empowers them to walk alongside a beast nature until the original nature comes back.

Sometimes it is hard to talk to a beast but love can break through. On our good and bad days we can all become like the Hulk. Kind words, encouragement, wise counsel and advice; anything that awakens us inside is important. Not a quick fix pill but a character and nature that transforms us into who we really are.

The beast transformed back into the Prince but had changed his nature. Cole eventually lost Phoebe due to his dark side and lived in regret, never losing or forgetting his love for her. A battle caused Prince Vlad to lose his wife and he became a monster for eternity.

We always have a choice in the matter of who we become. We cannot control life circumstances or guarantee our endings but we can choose who we are. We must allow beauty to transform us when presented with it in its true form, accept true love. Finding this is a process but your journey with true beauty and love must begin.

 

 

Are You On Your Merry-go-round?

Image courtesy of: http://cuboidal.org/photos/2005/08/london/IMG_7270

You are at a travelling carnival and are about to take a ride on the merry-go-round. One of the most syked about rides; for all ages and it is not gender specific. It is for everyone and a happy fun ride. You can literally go on the ride over and over again; the same experience repeated with absolutely no change but each time feels different. The truth is that it is the same ride, going around in the same circle, in exactly the same spot. The only thing that changes is your emotions. However at some point the carnival must close for the night. You have to get off the merry-go-round and the owner shuts down the ride.

Life can sometimes be like that merry-go-round. You think you are moving when in reality you are jogging on the spot. The outside looks and sounds amazing but the internal nature has not changed, it only looks like it has moved. You fool everyone into thinking that all is well; your speech and learned habitual behaviour puts on a good show but eventually there is a leak. A leak when not fixed infiltrates other areas which also leak and before you know it there is no longer anything left standing because the necessary repairs were not made to the original leak.

What do you do when the performance is over? What do you do when the lights on your merry-go-round go off? 

Do you get off? Do you run? Do you hide? Do you keep putting the same mask on? Do you even switch back on the light or create another show? What do you do? Really think about it. Really look into yourself and ask yourself what you do.

It is so easy to go through life on a merry-go-round and sometimes we can not even be aware of the fact that we never got off the merry-go-round. Emotions, self will, our mind, decisions and situations, even people, society and culture place us into deception and tell us that we got off but our nature inside of us has not changed because really we are still on the merry-go-round.

It is a challenge to live. Living is not easy especially when you want to live right. Life becomes a chore to so many people because situations and circumstances dictate whether they truly live life or are living dead. The problem is if we do not choose to wake up on the merry-go-round and get off, eventually it will break down. Referring to the ride, the paint will start to ware off, the mechanics of the ride itself will begin to seize up and malfunction; basically the ride will not work properly if not maintained accurately.  The same can be said for a human; if they are not looked after properly and do not get what they need in order to live and be healthy then they will die.

So again I ask; What do you do when the performance is over? What do you do when the lights on your merry-go-round go off? 

This is even something I myself am having to look at in my own life. Merry-go-rounds are very comfortable. They are easy to get on but getting off is a challenge; a daily active decision to get up and move because if you do not then your show will go on. Your life will be wasted because of choosing the show over choosing your life.

This thought came to me and now I am sharing it with you. Take a look at if you are on a merry-go-round or not and if you are then charge yourself with getting off. Do not live in your performance because your performance may not be who you really are or even worse, just not real.

God Is A lot Like Forrest Gump

This is not really a blog post per say like my others but really just a thought for the day. This thought came to my mind suddenly and I wish to share it with you. Before everyone starts wondering where I am going with comparing God to Forrest Gump just give me a moment and let me show you what I mean.

This film is about a good hearted but slow man, Forrest Gump, who sits on a bench and shares his life story in which he has seemed to have embarked upon, being personally involved with most major events in history during the last half of the 20th Century.

Revelations 3:20

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. (English Standard Version)

The above scripture simply implies that God is waiting to come into a persons life, he is waiting for them to open up their heart and life to him so he can come in and be with that person. The seat next to Forrest Gump was always empty and once filled he shared his life with them, a lot like God does when he is invited into someone’s life. When we meet with God it is like no other encounter or communication that we have ever had or experienced before. He graciously shares all with us. Everything about himself, his Word (the Bible) and life itself. We become enlightened and gain understanding of things that we never knew before, we start life again as if we have just taken our first breath of life again.

God is a lot like Forrest Gump because he is always there, waiting for us; he never leaves. God is not mentally or physically like Forrest Gump and does not have the exact same stories but their characteristics are the same. Forrest Gump never leaves the bench until his story is finished, he keeps speaking regardless of who is sitting on the bench. God is the same; waiting for us to come to him so he can share his story with us and ours with him, no matter who we are (Acts 10:34-35). He wants to share every little detail and build an intimate eternal relationship with us individually.

Psalm 91: 14-16

Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him. I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honour him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.

John 3:16

For this is how God loved the world: He gave his unique Son so that everyone who believes in him might not be lost but have eternal life. (International Standard Version).

It is great to hear others testimonies and personal experiences with God. It is great to hear people tell you about Jesus and what he did for all humanity (died on the cross to take away all the sins- wrong doings- of humanity and resurrected on the third day. Allowing man to return back to God by relationship through Jesus). God clearly loves us and always has regardless of what we have done, do and will do. We can not just hear about God from others, we must know him for ourselves. We must have our own personal revelation of what he did for us and who he is to us. The best part of this is that he wants to share himself with us. He wants to tell us about himself, he wants to tell us his story.

Man (universal context) disappoints and lets each other down. God is the opposite, he is always there because that is who he is, it is his nature; character.

Joshua 1:5

There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life: as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. (King James Version)

Sometimes we all need to be reminded that God is not like man and that he never leaves us. Our situations and the world around us may make us feel like God is nowhere to be seen but just like Forrest Gump never stops sharing his story, neither does God; his arms are wide open.

Luke 15:11-32

Then he said, there was once a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, ‘Father, I want right now what’s coming to me.’So the father divided the property between them. It wasn’t long before the younger son packed his bags and left for a distant country. There, undisciplined and dissipated, he wasted everything he had. After he had gone through all his money, there was a bad famine all through that country and he began to hurt. He signed on with a citizen there who assigned him to his fields to slop the pigs. He was so hungry he would have eaten the corncobs in the pig slop, but no one would give him any. That brought him to his senses. He said, ‘All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I’m going back to my father. I’ll say to him, Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand.’ He got right up and went home to his father. When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: ‘Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son ever again. But the father wasn’t listening. He was calling to the servants, ‘Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We’re going to feast! We’re going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!’ And they began to have a wonderful time. All this time his older son was out in the field. When the day’s work was done he came in. As he approached the house, he heard the music and dancing. Calling over one of the houseboys, he asked what was going on. He told him, ‘Your brother came home. Your father has ordered a feast—barbecued beef!—because he has him home safe and sound. The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t listen. The son said, ‘Look how many years I’ve stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast!. His father said, ‘Son, you don’t understand. You’re with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he’s alive! He was lost, and he’s found!. (The Message Version).

Be encouraged and regardless of whether you know God or not that he is there, you just have to reach out or as in Forrest Gump; just sit on the bench and there he will be waiting for you and ready to share his story with you through his son Jesus.

Sing For Me…

The Phantom of the opera is there, inside my mind…. sing, sing my angel of music…. arrr——- sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me.

The above quote are lyrics taken from the spectacular musical performance of Andrew Lloyd Webber‘s ‘Phantom of the Opera‘ at the Royal Albert Hall for the shows 25th anniversary. What captivated me about these words were the separately sung lines “sing for me” by the five phantoms (John Owen Jones, Ramin Karimloo, Anthony Warlow, Colm Wilkinson and Peter Joback).

Each phantom in reality took it in terms to say the line to show the changing faces of the phantoms through the years but let’s put a whole new spin on this… let’s go all mental. In reality there is only one phantom but what this scene shows if we look at it mentally is that there are many voices. Without going too deep just think back to one event, one moment when you have decided to do something or even been in a situation where your mind has come to realms of exploding because there are many different voices speaking.

Arrr—– sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me.

There is only ONE true voice, only ONE real voice; the others are not.

I recently read Elijah’s story in the Bible when he was threatened by Jezebel and he basically legged it (1Kings 17-19). For those who are or are not familiar with it, in chapter 19 Elijah goes to Mount Sinai and spends the night in a cave. God calls to him asking him what is he doing there and Elijah repeats the same statement summarising he is he only one (a true prophet of God) left and that people are out to kill him like they did the others. So later on in that same chapter there was a major windstorm followed by an earthquake and then a fire. After the fire there was a silent whispher. Does this sound familiar?

You make a decision, there’s soo much drama and thoughts that it is hard to find the right answer. You are planning something and your mind becomes really creative that you have so many thoughts you do not know which idea to use or start with. You read, listen to or watch something and you want to know more but because there are so many different sources and stories you have no idea which one is real or not. Then sometimes you just follow a bubble and believe what you want to believe and pursue it, however it does not always mean it is right.

Arrr—– sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me.

Just like Christine (the female lead from Phantom of the Opera), you hear many voices that are not real. The “arrr—–” representing you are asking all the questions, finding out things, etc but the “sing for me” representing the many ‘other’ voices you hear allowing you not to be able to hear or think properly, confusion and no mental decision made strong.

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. James 1:8 (King James version).

Even if you do not follow the Bible, this scripture still stands as truth. Let me out it like this, have you ever asked an indecisive person to make a decision? They can not make a decision as they do not stand strong on any one thing. Have you ever made a decision then heard something else and all of a sudden you become confused? You did not solidly stand on your decision otherwise you would not of become confused. See, the scripture still stands as when you are double minded, you can’t stand as there is no solid decision or action made.

This is what makes Elijah’s story great as he couldn’t stand because the same thing he believed was now tested. Where he once stood strong in being a prophet of the real God and speaking against those who were not had become the man who now is running. However after the winds, earthquakes and fire there was a ‘GENTLE WHISPHER‘. With everything else going on, there was still a moment of truth and peace. It is like when they say the eye of the storm is the calmest part. This is the sound we are looking for, the gentle whispher in sound after the storm- in the stress, in the depression, in the suicidal thoughts, in the lust, in the evil thinking… that gentle whispher which is the RIGHT voice. The voice of reasoning, conviction, right morale and TRUTH.

This is the crazy part, finding the gentle whispher/ eye IN the storm. With everything that is going on around us, all the murders, all the lies, all the depression, etc… we can only look to seek the truth and find those who have REAL truth. Whether you know God or not, seeking real truth will bring a peace to your storm.

³¹ Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;

³² And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8 (King James version).

The above scripture says Jesus is the truth and his word (the truth) will set you free. I know that many people do not believe in God or Jesus and come from many different belief systems and religions; however I plea you to find real truth in your lives and not to be caught tangled in the ‘other’ voices. Just because you hear a voice it does not mean it is right and you should follow it. This can lead to very damaging consequences in life.

On The Hamster’s Wheel

This is an interesting time in life for me. My early twenty’s, the glorious age of 23. I finished university roughly three years ago with an BA (Hons) degreee in Media and Communications (Journalism) and now I am currently working in the media as a media researcher.

From the age of 11 I said “I want to be a journalist”. I have never known why or can even give a reason even today, it was just always set in my mind; that is what I wanted to be. Since then I followed that pathway; Media Studies GCSE, Media Studies A-Level and then onto my degree. In reality I have achieved my goal of becoming a journalist, well the paper doumented side of jounalism anyway. I followed my decision and have the relevant skills and paper work to be a journalist.

However in my final year of university my heart shifted, I had a sudden change of mind. I remember being in one of my modules and suddenly I thought “I don’t want to do this anymore”. Was it all in my head?  Was my mind speaking or was it my heart? That is still the question I cannot answer not even today.

Now I am sitting here three years later and still cannot answer that very question. For twelve years I always knew what I wanted to be career-wise. Well there was one time where I thought I wanted to be a councellor but after doing A-Level Psychology I quickly changed my mind so that cleared that up. Moving back to the story; three years after my degree I have no idea what I want to be.

Do I want to be a journalist? Do I want to be in the media? How can one instant thought change my twelve year love with media? I cannot even answer that question and being a logical person that is quite frustrating. I spent twelves years finalising my young child dream and now it has blown up in my face. Can passions and dreams just change like that?

All the time I was in university I never thought about what happens if I do not want to be in journalism or even the media anymore; what are my other choices? I never created a plan B even though I minored in web/design and have the skills of Psychology and English Language behind me. It is not totally like I have no other options but the problem is vision.

The Bible says “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” (Proverbs 29:18– KJV). What I love about this scripture is the first statement “Where there is no vision, the people perish…”. I could break this down lingusitically and even decode it through textual analysis but since I love that we could be here all day (and night), so let’s not go there for now. My main and only point is NO VISION. This scripture mentally and emotionally describes my standstill in life at this present time. That one thought back in university has now, three years later, led me to have no vision. No vision for journalism and even worse; no vision for media.

I am reminded of a scene from my favourite Marvel character Thor. In the film there is a scene where he and Dr. Selvig and Thor go to a bar and Thor states that this is the first time where he does not know what he is to do. I love it! That is very much me right about now. I used to know what I wanted to do but now I do not.

This is the reason for this article, even the title of this article “On the hamster’s wheeel”. The concept of a hamster going around and around; going nowhere. The concept of being lost and stuck; a bit like Neo in ‘The Matrix’ or the children of Israel wondering aroud in the wilderness for 40 years (books of Exodus and Deuteronomy in the Bible) and even Thor in my previous paragraph. These are just a few examples that express how I feel about my career at this moment in time. I am a visual learner so visuals speak a language to me.

I think I need to definitely take some time out and reflect on ‘my vision’. Learn to depict, understand and re-work my passions, dreams and work on some goals that I have lost over the last two-three years. Habbakuk 2:2 quotes “And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain on tables, that he may run that reads it.” (American KJV). My emphasis in particular being in the key words “write the vision…. plain… that he may run who reads it.” Re-writing what I wanted then and the journey of what happened up until where I am now.

I guess this is where I start, back at the BEGINNING and the adventure begins again…