Am I Still Writing?

Someone asked me this question the other day: “Are you still writing? I haven’t seen any stuff from you lately.”

Internally, I had a slight Sarah moment (from the Bible in Genesis 18) when her husband Abraham was being spoken to and told that she would have a baby. From another tent, she laughed inside and thought against what was said. I literally laughed within myself before I physically said “yes.”

Laughing to oneself

The only problem with writing is that when it becomes you, whatever is on your inside will begin to flow through your work. This could be mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Your work can begin to reveal you. This is not the same for all writer’s; and I’m not suggesting or posing that it is, but this is the case for me currently.

So, I am still writing but I haven’t been publishing my works to the world. As a writer, I am very conscious of splitting personal works (not for public domain) and public works (blogs, websites; etc, that is shared with everyone).  I don’t believe that everything you write should always be shared. I don’t believe in just releasing everything you write to the world.  And I don’t believe in releasing works prematurely. I believe that you need to have wisdom in what you share with people as it can; and more likely will, impact them. I only wish to better a person, and quite frankly all that I have written lately does not always do that.

A writer’s works need to be filtered through, only bringing out the best whilst still revealing the reality of what is going on. But again, this is my view and not your holy grail.

If you know me, then you’ll know that my writing is very much focussed on the mind. I love creating characters and diving into their minds, and seeing what is happening inside of them in order for them to be shown. It’s quite like a revealing, I reveal them from the inside out; hopefully having a happy ending but this is not always the case.

Lately my genre has been psychological thriller. My works have been focussing on the inner thoughts of a person: what they are saying inside that is different from the outside, what they really believe, what they like, what they don’t like, where they agree and don’t agree, what they really think of themselves, etc.

Arguing and thinking within oneself

Whatever I write and in whatever format I do it in, it becomes very mental heavy. It engages the reader (currently myself) to really take a look at themselves. At times this can become very weary as now that I am further in my process of becoming a writer (see my previous post on this) my works are asking me the question of: Is this in you?

As a writer, when your work starts speaking to your personally, it can be quite a scary thing. When the character becomes more of you than you intended, you can only begin to answer the questions yourself; honestly and purely.

So again, yes I am still writing but I am also having a Jacob/ Israel moment (an old and new nature fighting against each other). My challenge has always been whether what I have is good enough, and unfortunately some people have answered the question incorrectly for me, and I have stupidly let them.

Now I need to answer that question myself and know how to press forward. So I need God to work on my inside so that all the writings I release are strongly convicted in me and freeing to the world.  So just because I have gone quiet, it doesn’t mean that I am not writing, but I am walking out this writer’s walk as my writings ARE ME.

So you will be seeing my writings soon. Bare with me as I war against myself and find confidence again in what God has given me. It’s not always so easy to “get over yourself,” but it is always possible to walk through it and be the best you.

 

The Sowers Seed

“Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow.  But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died.  Other seeds fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants.  Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!  Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.” Matthew 13: 3-9 (NLT)

This story speaks of a farmer who plants seeds. It is illustrated to us that there are different types of soil which either promote or demote the growth of the seed once planted.

I wish not to talk about the soil but the seed itself, about man-made seeds. To understand the scope of my thoughts you must first understand what I mean by seeds. The dictionary defines seed as ‘any propagative part of a plant, including tubers, bulbs, etc., especially as preserved for growing a new crop.’ In less scientific speech, the part of a plant that creates reproduction, growth. It reproduces its own kind.

A farmer must know what seed to plant and how to look after it. Putting this into a spiritual, emotional and mental context; we are farmers too. We are farmers in two perspectives;

1. We must know what seeds are or are being planted within us.
2. We must be aware of what seeds we plant within others.

What seeds are inside of us? Doubt, fear, wrath, pain, unforgiveness, bitterness, strength, jealousy, love, hope, strife, dishonesty, loyalty, laziness, joy, lust, etc., the list goes on. There are many different seeds, we are responsible for the seeds that we allow to grow inside of us and their fruit (behaviours, attitudes, etc). These seeds are not originally created by man but they become man made seeds when planted as we have the choice to allow them to grow or uproot them.

Life has a way of producing certain seeds within us through how we respond to our situations and circumstances; however what about seeds we plant in others?

A less attractive but polished way to show this is through the film Alien Resurrection. Alien eggs have been planted inside human beings. Hating to state the obvious, aliens and humans are different species so we know that when the alien hatches that it is not going to be a pretty sight for the human. Likewise, this is also the case in less graphics with when we plant corruptible seeds in others. Just like the alien broke out, so do the wrong seeds when planted in others. The person will take on the nature of that which was planted.

Another visual of this is through Prue from the TV series Charmed. In series 3 episode 6, Prue comes across an innocent who is cursed with feeling all the pain of the world. The innocent is really a demon but Prue being unaware of his true identity helps him. Her spell backfires and she ends up with what he was cursed with. As this was not Prue’s portion, she began to fall because of that which she had taken upon herself.

Prue unable to contain the corruptible seed within

Alien Resurrection and Charmed let us know that there are two different routes in which man made seeds are planted. Alien Resurrection shows that others plant wrong seeds and Charmed shows that through lack of discernment we can take on the wrong seeds, another’s battle that is not ours.

Once a seed has been planted it goes through a process of growth. Either way, corruptible man made seeds bring death.

What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.” Matthew 15:11 (NIV)

That which is on the inside will eventually manifest on the outside. We must take a long look at ourselves, externally and internally, to see what seeds are inside us. Character and speech will tell us what is on the inside.

Seeds because of their reproductive nature will affect others, whether good or bad. Let us check ourselves today and seek help and change for making sure we do not find ourselves reproducing bad seeds or even taking on bad seeds ourselves.

It Is ‘OK’ To Dream Again

Dreams are ‘a succession of images, thoughts or emotions passing through the mind during sleep’. I want to speak about the dreams that are connected to our desires which have either been able to make it to the surface or have been locked away due to circumstances and wounded emotions.

Dreams when made reality awake the soul of a man. You begin to become alive on the inside. This could be the start of your business, your dream job or career, starting your own family, getting married, believing that there is a special person for you to grow old with for the rest of your life, owning your own house or car; the list continues. We are meant to live out those things which bring us to life.

Dreams dependent upon the context of our desires are meant to be lived out. Not all our desires are good or beneficial to us. They can sometimes be a warped thought, negative emotion from experiences or poor judgments. We dream of many things and these different dreams are categorised. When we dream not all of what we see should be birthed, that’s why context, understanding and wisdom are always needed.

One of the biggest enemies of dreams are FAILURE. Failure  produces disappointment, which zaps our emotions and sends us into a mental spiral. Before you know it fear, depression, anxiety and stress start knocking on your door asking to be let in and if enough disappointment is in you, you will let them in.

Unsuccessful attempts or non-performance due to not even trying can turn our dreams into nightmares. That which once captivated our hearts and brought life now bring pain and death. The failure to accomplish a dream can leave a person deprived. We lose our joy and life begins to leak from within us.

Sometimes we can find strength to pick the dream up and start again. We start revving the engine and as we are about to pull off another hit befalls our dream. Just like a boxer in the ring when caught off guard, we are hit by an unforeseen blow. This blow strikes at our very core. After finding the faith and courage to try and accomplish what first did not work out, takes its toll more than it did the first time. Even after this more knocks can come to the same dream, desire.

After a certain amount of knock backs, just like the boxer in the ring, we get to the point of K.O. We struggle to uplift the dream. We become fearful of trying again. This time we may have no fight left. The battle to just pick up this dream again is too much for us, never mind actually giving life to it.

Failure is a very common human problem. It hits our mind through our circumstances and once it takes root it begins to pick away at our hearts.

Some people allow failure to strengthen them and they find the energy to keep pursuing their dreams. Whatever comes against them does not seem to phase them, it only makes them stronger. Unfortunately many of us do not and we give them up.

It is hard to break through to a failed mindset as the impact of the unmet desires can crush a person’s heart. When you believe and pursue something with all you have and it does not work out, it is a painful experience of which we do not always want to re-live. Dreams only seem make believe as any attempt to achieve them becomes thwarted. It is the same for if we do not even let our dreams take flight due to other people, situations or even our own unbelief.

An antidote for failure is HOPE.

When your dreams have been met with nothing but opposition then it can be hard to dream again. To believe and step out again can be very challenging. Today choose to re-question your thoughts of failure.

Close your eyes and dare to dream again. Dare to believe again. Find the strength to give your dream another go. Don’t let fantasy steal your reality if you know it is achievable.

Let the right relationships fuel you with encouragement and support. Let the Internet be your oyster and find all the help and advice you can. Refuse to give up on your dream.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

 

Sometimes Only Beauty Can Talk To Your Beast

Disney characters are not my usual choice of subject matter but I must admit that my mind has presently become enchanted by the story of ‘Beauty and the Beast‘.

A witch places a curse upon a handsome Prince turning him into a beast because of the horror of his character. An old man is held captive by the beast due to an accident and his daughter Belle goes on a rescue mission to get her father back but falls into a much bigger adventure; falling in love and releasing the Beast from his curse.

This tale has a happy ending but life does not always grant us such a wish. Although this story is make-believe, it also mirrors human reality.  We are allured into a display of unconditional love. The fierce awakened heart of Belle vs the dead heart of the Beast.

Belle’s beauty not only entices the natural eye but is also within. Beauty is defined in the dictionary as;

The quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, colour, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

It is a personality and character trait, not just an external mark. Belle’s internal beauty not only accepts but unrestrictedly loves. The bravery of her heart pours out love and life to the Beast who is cold and uninviting in nature.

What I love about both characters other than their vast differences is their need for each other. Life must meet with death.

Life can cause us to become like the Beast; ugly. Part of our nature, our character turns wild in order to cope with how we have handled life. We can become cold on the inside whilst operating as normal in society. Externally we have it all going on but internally we are or have died.

We can bring the term ‘living dead’ to life, physically alive but internally sleeping.  The Beast was as fine as can be. He operated in all his powers and duties as Prince but a part of him was quite dead on the inside.

The thought came to me recently that we all need beauty in our lives. Pure and true love brings forth a deeper beauty that outshines its external counterpart. The kind of love that melts hearts and is not destructive or lustful. Belle’s warm heart and loving nature freed an enslaved Prince from his cruel and selfish nature. We all need a nature in life that causes us to become better.

This can be seen in the relationship of Phoebe and Cole in the TV series Charmed. Cole is a half human/ half demon (Belthazor) sent to kill Phoebe and her sisters who are witches. Cole falls in love with Phoebe and it is this love that not only saves Phoebe and her sisters but also Cole. The beauty of love from Phoebe takes over and helps the beast inside Cole.

 

Again this happens  in the film Dracula: Untold. In order to protect his kingdom Prince Vlad becomes a monster (vampire). When the beast inside of him becomes stronger it is his wife who calms the beast through love by reminding him of who he really is.

These examples show beauty and love through the vessel of a woman but I want us to look beyond gender and see that the real beauty is expressed through their internal nature. This beauty within them and a ‘knowing’ of who they are paves way for unconditional love, continuous persistence and strength to accept those they love. Out of this strength a hope and grace is released which empowers them to walk alongside a beast nature until the original nature comes back.

Sometimes it is hard to talk to a beast but love can break through. On our good and bad days we can all become like the Hulk. Kind words, encouragement, wise counsel and advice; anything that awakens us inside is important. Not a quick fix pill but a character and nature that transforms us into who we really are.

The beast transformed back into the Prince but had changed his nature. Cole eventually lost Phoebe due to his dark side and lived in regret, never losing or forgetting his love for her. A battle caused Prince Vlad to lose his wife and he became a monster for eternity.

We always have a choice in the matter of who we become. We cannot control life circumstances or guarantee our endings but we can choose who we are. We must allow beauty to transform us when presented with it in its true form, accept true love. Finding this is a process but your journey with true beauty and love must begin.

 

 

What Is LIVING In Your Head?

Your mind is a vast specimen and an approved force to be reckoned with however in an unwholesome stage it can be your worst nightmare. Take a few minutes to watch the below clip from the series Criminal Minds (season 10 episode 11– The Forever People).

The above clip is solely my driven purpose for this blog post as I am not here to talk about this episode in its entirety.

Jennifer Jareau, known as JJ suffered traumatic and unforeseen abuse at the hands of her ex- overseas colleague, Tivon Askari, whilst working a case. JJ again became a victim of those which her and the team imprison. She suffered not only mental but also physical torture which triggered the loss of her unborn child; forever leaving her scarred.

After the death of Tivon, one year later she is forced to face the anniversary of the event. Every thought and emotion made its presence known and began to manifest like water given to plants. Just like the rest of humanity JJ is no exception to the constant battle of the mind. Even after one year JJ was under the assumption that she had dealt with the situation, which to us in our terms means “I thought I was over it?”.

For one whole year JJ functioned in her ability as a mum, wife and BAU agent. Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually she had dealt with very little concerning what had happened. We know this as the above clip speaks of JJ’s unconscious mind.

JJ’s dialogue makes for interesting discussion. Her behaviour started speaking which showed a change in her character. Something has shifted in JJ. Her speech, confidence and actions exhibited her non-verbal dialogue. The real conversation was between JJ and her unconscious mind, that which was internally speaking to her.

Tivon Askari

Your unconscious mind is very much alive. We go through different situations and circumstances of which we most times have no control over. The deciding factor of rising above or sinking beneath are the decisions we internally make which determine our actions. The only problem is that we forget to CHECK our unconscious mind.

By definition alone the word unconscious means without awareness, cognition or sensation. The processes in the mind that take place automatically and not given a reflection period. Our thought processes, memories, motivations, etc. The unconscious and its processes exist under the surface and impact our behaviour. Academic research studies have suggested that the unconscious includes repressed feelings, automatic skills, subliminal perceptions, thoughts, habits, automatic reactions and possibly hidden phobias and desires. Some processes expressed in dreams, slips of the tongue and jokes.

Dealing with that which is under the surface is a very important part of growing as a person. When a part of you is revealed and this is enlightened unto you, you have a responsibility and an accountability to do something about it. However as the unconscious deals with under the surface, it HAS to be revealed. Sometimes people are used to show us what we are really made of then at other times we can see our own reflections based upon how we respond to that which happens to us. Yes there is always help but we also have a part to play. JJ’s response was to function at home and work but what she really needed to do was face the monster in her unconscious mind.

Dr Reid addressing JJ’s behaviour

Rather than looking under our skin we can sometimes become efficient. Using what we have in order to just pass by in life rather than sacrificing ourselves to the fullest in order to be all we can be. We hide in the functioning of everyday life when in reality we are unaware of the damage we are doing to ourselves because we are not dealing with what we are really thinking, feeling and going through which is internally taking its toll. Regardless of how much we divorce ourselves from reality we  will never deal with what is under our surface until we face it for ourselves. We all have our own individual ways of dealing with things but what is really living in our minds? What is your unconscious mind saying to you?

The mental processing taking place in our mind is what needs to be daily re-evaluated and challenged. Whether this be our religious belief systems, our dealings with people, how we talk or act towards ourselves and others, our values, our jobs, our personal confidence and self esteem, our relationships with our neighbours, family and friends; the list goes on. We really need to check all our repressed feelings, automatic skills, subliminal perceptions, thoughts, habits, automatic reactions, hidden phobias and desires. We need to see what is going on inside of us. Even the Bible tells us to examine ourselves (1Corinthians 11:28) and look at yourself to change you before being quick to judge others (Matthew 7:5).

My proposal to you today and even unto myself is for us conduct an individual check-up on ourselves; our hearts, feelings and MIND. Yes there is more to our minds than the unconscious but we need to see what is living in it as it is that which has the potential to make or break us. Whether you turn to people for wise counsel or prayer, something needs to be done with the living elements in our minds. Do not be ignorant, deceived or not willing to deal with yourself.

Let’s find and take this journey. There will be times when we really do not like, want to see or even believe what is really underneath but I can assure you that taking and sticking with the best process is a lifetime commitment and will be beneficial. We are merely responding to what can be a great time of change and transformation.

 

 

The ABORT Button

I have been heavily thinking about the word ‘abort’ recently- simply meaning to cut something short; not let it run its complete course for some reason. Life is filled with many challenges and circumstances, whether this be just thrown at us by life or because of our own decisions, behaviours or choices. We all face and handle them differently, some better than others but either way we all have an end outcome. This is where the word ‘abort’ comes into place; we can sometimes face challenges, circumstances or situations which cause us to mentally and emotionally; then following these through physically by aborting the situation. In other words we give up, not getting to the end of the circumstance. I am not saying that we all do this but what I am saying is that it does happen… we give up and do not see things through to the end.

A great example of this happening is Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars. I am a fan of the Star Wars movies because they are very good at expressing an empathetic reality of the world I live in today and that I can personally relate to. Let me show you what I mean by looking into Anakin’s character from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith.

Anakin was a promise, he was the ‘chosen’ one to bring about a stronger, better future. He was to be trained to beat the dark side once and for all. Others had their reservations but it was written, destined that Anakin was the answer they were looking for. Without giving away the storyline too much, especially for those who have not seen it, Anakin hits a challenge face on. Challenges come in different forms to everyone, they are presented to people differently but Anakins’ came in a personal form shown to him in a dream, or what he would class in today’s society as a nightmare.

Suddenly this chosen one, this destined Jedi that would change everything for the better found himself in a situation where his decisions and actions changed everything, especially his written future. Anakin’s emotions came into play due to his situation and like most of us his emotions ran high and got the best of him. Anakin re-wrote his own history and destiny but due to his circumstance and emotions taking over, he pressed the abort button on his life and its due course.

For those who have seen this particular Star Wars film (III) then you know the ending, with relation to my blog Anakin aborted his mission and destiny due to his challenge, situation… he aborted his future. Some of you may say that Anakin’s original destiny was not meant to be because it changed and that everything happens for a reason, but I think that it is safe to say that his abort happened as what he became due to circumstance, desire and emotion was NOT what he was destined to be.

We have all been or are yet to be in Anakin’s shoes. When times get tough we either roll with it or run; pretty much ‘survival of the fittest‘ and ‘fight or flight’ theories coined by Charles Darwin and Herbert Spencer. We either face things head on or not at all. No one is perfect but sometimes it can be easier to abort something rather than ride out the situation until the end. Everyone’s situations are different and are handled differently as we all face different things. There is no right or wrong way but we must use wisdom, courage and strength when facing circumstances in order to get a better and more fruitful result.

Galations 6:9

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. (ESV)

Ephesians 6:10-12

And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. (MSG Version).

Philippians 3

Whether you read the Bible or not these principles are relatable. When we do good and do not see its fruits we can often get encouraged to stop doing good… aborting the mission of doing good because the situation or circumstance has not shown any good fruit. Whether you believe in Satan or not we  understand that we must generally in life be able to stand against anything that it throws at us. This could be by protecting our families, looking to good fruitful friendships or relationships in general, building finances in our savings accounts for future investment and many other things but we understand to protect ourselves against things which we can forsee. In the last scripture we can again relate to keeping ourselves on the right track in life, staying focussed on goals, having a discernment or that incline of the right, wrong or fakes in life amongst other things. Do not just think that because you do not know Jesus that Biblical truths can not apply to you or that you can not relate to them. They do and will help.

So what is my point? My point is that be very careful when facing a situation that you do not abort it too soon. All that is needed is permission. Take these examples for example;

Matthew 4:1-11

Next Jesus was taken into the wild by the Spirit for the Test. The Devil was ready to give it. Jesus prepared for the Test by fasting forty days and forty nights. That left him, of course, in a state of extreme hunger, which the Devil took advantage of in the first test: “Since you are God’s Son, speak the word that will turn these stones into loaves of bread.”Jesus answered by quoting Deuteronomy: “It takes more than bread to stay alive. It takes a steady stream of words from God’s mouth.” For the second test the Devil took him to the Holy City. He sat him on top of the Temple and said, “Since you are God’s Son, jump.” The Devil goaded him by quoting Psalm 91: “He has placed you in the care of angels. They will catch you so that you won’t so much as stub your toe on a stone.” Jesus countered with another citation from Deuteronomy: “Don’t you dare test the Lord your God.” For the third test, the Devil took him to the peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth’s kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, “They’re yours—lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on your knees and worship me, and they’re yours.” Jesus’ refusal was curt: “Beat it, Satan!” He backed his rebuke with a third quotation from Deuteronomy: “Worship the Lord your God, and only him. Serve him with absolute single-heartedness.” The Test was over. The Devil left. And in his place, angels! Angels came and took care of Jesus’ needs. (MSG Version).

Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness… all he needed was Jesus’ permission and for him to give in, give up rather than resist the temptation until the end.

Another great example is Zeus in Clash of the Titans. Hades wanted revenge and hid this motive under the camouflage of suggesting to Zeus that the Kracken be released so the humans would start worshipping the gods again. Zeus’s response even though wise counsel said do not do as Hades suggested was (watch the below video clip);

Both Satan and Hades used the same methods; temptation through suggestion by playing at the hearts of Jesus and Zeus through what they needed due to the present situation they were in. See how easy it is? Jesus did not give in and rode out the battle until the end result. Zeus on the other hand pressed the abort button.

Do you see how easy it is to press the abort button? Consequences of the abort button can be fatal. They not only change you but the whole world around you. If you have pressed the abort button on things in your life, I encourage you to look back and see if it was the right decision and if not then try and find a way of making an amends. Learn from Jesus; not from Zeus or Anakin.