Spiritual Dysmorphia

My mind has been running its usual mental marathon, trying to think of a simple analogy to describe an internal spiritual  condition of humanity.

Between 4-5AM of Monday morning, the answer finally came to me… Body Dysmorphia. Random right? However, for the purposes of this blog post I will be using this to describe what I am talking about.

Body Dysmorphia (BDD) is “an anxiety disorder that causes a person to have a distorted view of how they look and to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance.” – NHS definition.

It consists of distressing thoughts about the self (body image) that do not go away. They become negative and are very impactful on an individual’s daily life. A person suffering from it believes they are ugly or defective in some way, and believe other people perceive them the same way. It is very focussed on the ‘external,’ but from an internal perspective.

It is no respecter of persons; affecting both males and females of different ages. It affects many people all over the world and is often hidden by those who struggle with it. More info.

Even though this blog post is not about BDD, this was the answer I was given. I was thinking to myself “why would Body Dysmorphia be the answer I am looking for to describe an internal concept?” The image that followed that question was a woman standing in front of a mirror, and her reflection looking back was very warped.

What Do You See?

I want you to consider something from a spiritual perspective. When using the word ‘spiritual,’ in this context I am referring to something “relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul, as opposed to material or physical things.” – Google definition. I am referring to the internal, not the external.

BDD causes an ugly image to be reflected back, when in reality the true image is different. This is where I flip the script. If we reverse BDD to a spiritual point of view (focussing on the warped reflection looking back – seeing the inside and ignoring the outside), my question to you is: IS THE UGLY, DEFORMED, WARPED PERSON IN YOUR REFLECTION REALLY YOU? This is something I have coined as Spiritual Dysmorphia.

Rather than automatically saying “no” because the outside looks fine, and you may be functioning well – everything is going good for you; no problems or you don’t sense or see any, really have a long look at the warped reflection. Bless God if it’s not true, but the problem is WHEN IT IS TRUE.

Your reflection in this context is who you are as a person: what you do, what you don’t do, your attitude (way of thinking) towards yourself and others, your behaviour in terms of how you treat yourself and others, how you generally think about things, your words and thoughts; etc. Spiritual Dysmorphia is all about the internal; what physically cannot be seen but internally exists under the surface.

Another way to think of Spiritual Dysmorphia is through the Disney Character ‘Beast‘ from Beauty and the Beast.

The Beast

The Beast was externally beautiful but internally ugly: his nature and character were horrible, his heart and mind were ugly too. He was cursed by becoming as ugly externally as he was internally.

“Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.” – Mark 7:15 (New International Version).

“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” – Proverbs 27:19 (New Living Translation).

What is inside of you will eventually leak out. Spiritual Dysmorphia asks you to look at the true state of your internal nature and character. It asks you to check the state and condition of your heart. What is really going on in your spirit and soul? It asks you to question what you are portraying and producing. It requires you to go deeper into the reflection and deal with what it TRULY seen. If left unchecked or sitting in deception, it will crush you, your life and others around you.

Paul from the Bible and Robert Louis Stevenson (author of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde,) are two of my favourite people. They understood the dual nature of humanity – Paul describing it as spirit and flesh (the fight against good and doing what God wants, or bad and doing as ‘me, myself and I’ wants with no care or desire for God as your will is stronger) from a Christian point of view, and Robert describing it as “man is not truly one, but two,” from a novelists’ perspective.

I wanted to highlight this condition as anyone can easily fall into it. There is such a focus on the external when the true issue is our internal nature and character – our heart and mind. What we need to consider is what is really inside us.

It is hard to acknowledge all of ourselves at times, we would like to leave out the bad. But don’t be fooled by believing that you may be ‘all good’ when you may not be, or as Paul would deem as fleshy (acting in your own accord, understanding, will, desires, heart, mind, etc).

Sometimes we can be ignorant to the ugly reflection staring back at us, and sometimes we can be very aware of it. Once revealed to us, we are responsible for what we know and have the chance to change. When we are mature, there is more responsibility and accountability given to us. The problem becomes when we do not seek to change or transform our warped reflection.

“True ignorance is not the absence of knowledge, but the refusal to acquire it.” – Karl Popper.

The Bible speaks a lot about examining yourself (checking yourself). It is important to check yourself for Spiritual Dysmorphia. Praying, reading, observing, reviewing our thoughts, watching your actions and motives – the intents of the heart; etc.

“After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief—we’re not oblivious to his sly ways!” –2Corinthians 2:11 (The Message Version).

Do not think that you can never be untouched by Spiritual Dysmorphia. Ignorance or pride un-noticed is not bliss.

Choose to take a look today and ponder your reflection. The great thing is that there is always an opportunity to change the deformity. Just remember: Your inside is much more important than your outside.

 

 

 

Title Without Character

WHO we are is a powerful statement. How we act, think and feel speak of who we are as a people. They narrate our character.

In life we are on our individual journeys of BECOMING who we are as people. Whether this be spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, in our careers and jobs, tastes of music, education, etc, we are in a process. Our characters are forming.

We can become in danger of wanting things but not developing the character that will allow us to sustain that which we want. Simba from The Lion King is a great example of this.

Simba was the son of King Mufasa, and was the next rightful heir to the throne.  He was very sure of himself knowing that he was born into royalty, he knew who his father was, and he knew that one day he would be king and rule over the other lions and the lands.

At this point in time Simba was only a child, maturity had not yet kindled itself within him. He acted how he thought.

Simba had what we would call in today’s society, an under-developed character. Due to what he knew, he thought that his present tense character was enough to sustain him as king.

Even though he was destined to be king, he had not yet formed the character necessary to be a good king. He wanted the title but didn’t have the character.

A title is something descriptive or distinctive that belongs to someone. Simba’s title was king, but for us it could be marriage, business, a relationship, car, house, job/ new job, head of a department, career, education, money, etc.

When we put character to title within this context, it changes everything.

Definition of character: The aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing.

Simba was always destined to be king, that was never going to change. However, he had to go through a process to develop his character.

He had to change his mind so that his true character could be formed. We have to move from a knowing, into being.

The rest of the film shows how Simba’s character changed before he finally became the king he was meant to be.

If he did not go through the necessary process then he never would of developed the character that allowed him to be a good king.

We, as a people, are no different to Simba. No matter who we are or what we do, we MUST develop good character. We must go through training that will shape our characters, so that no matter where we are WE KNOW WHO WE ARE.

We must always be developing our characters. These traits and features we have will then sustain us in what we do. Our values, standards, attitude, and vision cannot be tinted because our character has been forged in the fire.

Character development cannot be cheated. Your external will always show your internal. If good character is not there then it will eventually show.

Having a title or being given a title, in the context stated earlier,  and developing good character alongside it is fine. The problem is being given or wanting titles and not developing good character.

Do not cheat yourself out of the character process. When you go through things, see the process of character through it.

There is no use in having a great future if your character does not match it.

Do not forfeit your character or take on a title with a premature character. We must check ourselves, our characters to see what we are being made of. Development is key.

It Is ‘OK’ To Dream Again

Dreams are ‘a succession of images, thoughts or emotions passing through the mind during sleep’. I want to speak about the dreams that are connected to our desires which have either been able to make it to the surface or have been locked away due to circumstances and wounded emotions.

Dreams when made reality awake the soul of a man. You begin to become alive on the inside. This could be the start of your business, your dream job or career, starting your own family, getting married, believing that there is a special person for you to grow old with for the rest of your life, owning your own house or car; the list continues. We are meant to live out those things which bring us to life.

Dreams dependent upon the context of our desires are meant to be lived out. Not all our desires are good or beneficial to us. They can sometimes be a warped thought, negative emotion from experiences or poor judgments. We dream of many things and these different dreams are categorised. When we dream not all of what we see should be birthed, that’s why context, understanding and wisdom are always needed.

One of the biggest enemies of dreams are FAILURE. Failure  produces disappointment, which zaps our emotions and sends us into a mental spiral. Before you know it fear, depression, anxiety and stress start knocking on your door asking to be let in and if enough disappointment is in you, you will let them in.

Unsuccessful attempts or non-performance due to not even trying can turn our dreams into nightmares. That which once captivated our hearts and brought life now bring pain and death. The failure to accomplish a dream can leave a person deprived. We lose our joy and life begins to leak from within us.

Sometimes we can find strength to pick the dream up and start again. We start revving the engine and as we are about to pull off another hit befalls our dream. Just like a boxer in the ring when caught off guard, we are hit by an unforeseen blow. This blow strikes at our very core. After finding the faith and courage to try and accomplish what first did not work out, takes its toll more than it did the first time. Even after this more knocks can come to the same dream, desire.

After a certain amount of knock backs, just like the boxer in the ring, we get to the point of K.O. We struggle to uplift the dream. We become fearful of trying again. This time we may have no fight left. The battle to just pick up this dream again is too much for us, never mind actually giving life to it.

Failure is a very common human problem. It hits our mind through our circumstances and once it takes root it begins to pick away at our hearts.

Some people allow failure to strengthen them and they find the energy to keep pursuing their dreams. Whatever comes against them does not seem to phase them, it only makes them stronger. Unfortunately many of us do not and we give them up.

It is hard to break through to a failed mindset as the impact of the unmet desires can crush a person’s heart. When you believe and pursue something with all you have and it does not work out, it is a painful experience of which we do not always want to re-live. Dreams only seem make believe as any attempt to achieve them becomes thwarted. It is the same for if we do not even let our dreams take flight due to other people, situations or even our own unbelief.

An antidote for failure is HOPE.

When your dreams have been met with nothing but opposition then it can be hard to dream again. To believe and step out again can be very challenging. Today choose to re-question your thoughts of failure.

Close your eyes and dare to dream again. Dare to believe again. Find the strength to give your dream another go. Don’t let fantasy steal your reality if you know it is achievable.

Let the right relationships fuel you with encouragement and support. Let the Internet be your oyster and find all the help and advice you can. Refuse to give up on your dream.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

 

Sometimes Only Beauty Can Talk To Your Beast

Disney characters are not my usual choice of subject matter but I must admit that my mind has presently become enchanted by the story of ‘Beauty and the Beast‘.

A witch places a curse upon a handsome Prince turning him into a beast because of the horror of his character. An old man is held captive by the beast due to an accident and his daughter Belle goes on a rescue mission to get her father back but falls into a much bigger adventure; falling in love and releasing the Beast from his curse.

This tale has a happy ending but life does not always grant us such a wish. Although this story is make-believe, it also mirrors human reality.  We are allured into a display of unconditional love. The fierce awakened heart of Belle vs the dead heart of the Beast.

Belle’s beauty not only entices the natural eye but is also within. Beauty is defined in the dictionary as;

The quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, colour, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

It is a personality and character trait, not just an external mark. Belle’s internal beauty not only accepts but unrestrictedly loves. The bravery of her heart pours out love and life to the Beast who is cold and uninviting in nature.

What I love about both characters other than their vast differences is their need for each other. Life must meet with death.

Life can cause us to become like the Beast; ugly. Part of our nature, our character turns wild in order to cope with how we have handled life. We can become cold on the inside whilst operating as normal in society. Externally we have it all going on but internally we are or have died.

We can bring the term ‘living dead’ to life, physically alive but internally sleeping.  The Beast was as fine as can be. He operated in all his powers and duties as Prince but a part of him was quite dead on the inside.

The thought came to me recently that we all need beauty in our lives. Pure and true love brings forth a deeper beauty that outshines its external counterpart. The kind of love that melts hearts and is not destructive or lustful. Belle’s warm heart and loving nature freed an enslaved Prince from his cruel and selfish nature. We all need a nature in life that causes us to become better.

This can be seen in the relationship of Phoebe and Cole in the TV series Charmed. Cole is a half human/ half demon (Belthazor) sent to kill Phoebe and her sisters who are witches. Cole falls in love with Phoebe and it is this love that not only saves Phoebe and her sisters but also Cole. The beauty of love from Phoebe takes over and helps the beast inside Cole.

 

Again this happens  in the film Dracula: Untold. In order to protect his kingdom Prince Vlad becomes a monster (vampire). When the beast inside of him becomes stronger it is his wife who calms the beast through love by reminding him of who he really is.

These examples show beauty and love through the vessel of a woman but I want us to look beyond gender and see that the real beauty is expressed through their internal nature. This beauty within them and a ‘knowing’ of who they are paves way for unconditional love, continuous persistence and strength to accept those they love. Out of this strength a hope and grace is released which empowers them to walk alongside a beast nature until the original nature comes back.

Sometimes it is hard to talk to a beast but love can break through. On our good and bad days we can all become like the Hulk. Kind words, encouragement, wise counsel and advice; anything that awakens us inside is important. Not a quick fix pill but a character and nature that transforms us into who we really are.

The beast transformed back into the Prince but had changed his nature. Cole eventually lost Phoebe due to his dark side and lived in regret, never losing or forgetting his love for her. A battle caused Prince Vlad to lose his wife and he became a monster for eternity.

We always have a choice in the matter of who we become. We cannot control life circumstances or guarantee our endings but we can choose who we are. We must allow beauty to transform us when presented with it in its true form, accept true love. Finding this is a process but your journey with true beauty and love must begin.