Internally Shutter-boxed

Man can sometimes mirror machine. Not only has he the ability to function all day and night; sub-sectioning a vast intake whilst constantly re-charging but he also has the capacity to ‘break down’. Human nature has a way of dismissing that which it does not wish to face. Anything that causes internal conflict or outer uncomfortability can cause us to run like prey as if it were conscious of its predator.

Our life is the arena and we are the centre stage of it. All activity concerning us is present in the centre whilst spectators have their active or passive input. Our mind, will and emotions (soul), heart, spirit and physical being are all part of this centre which is affected by the activities of everyday life.

Situations and circumstances (activities of life) trailed alongside their outcomes form us as a people. Their affects shape and help build us into the people who we become and are today. These outcomes can have vibrant or fatal affects on us. We manifest the outcomes our situations and circumstances internally have on us. How we handle the outcomes begin to flow from us. They manifest behaviours and attitudes.

Our arenas; education, religion, work, economy and finance, politics, relationships- love/ family/ friends, culture and other avenues become infected . The exterior gives insight into the interior. How we handle decisions and choices, confusion, beliefs and doubts, unmet desires, frustrations and anger, discouragement, violence and abuse, etc is key to our internal selves.

At any given time or age these impacts on our heart, soul and physical selves still make us prone to the ability to shut ‘ones-self’ down. Today’s society is no better than the ancestors that have lived  before us and those yet to be birthed in a distant future. Even Adam and Eve hid once they had disobeyed God’s instructions (Genesis 3). Life and its hand dealings still have their impact on us.

The problem occurs when we internalise the problems by not handling them well or maybe not at all. We section off the parts we do not want to face. They become little stacker boxes or locked up crates with keys that can only be found in a treasure hunt. Some shut whilst others open. Internally we can hide in every corner or dark valley available to us that allows us to find shade rather than the light we need. We become masters of masquerading rather than transparent beings.

When we begin to shut down internally rather than be honest and face our Goliath’s (giants or mountains) we have a major problem. Not only will we become distant from our real selves but we begin to die inside.

Proverbs 23:7 “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart is not with thee” (King James Version).

Regardless of religion or culture the above scriptural principle applies. Whatever you think you are, you become. The only way of outgrowing what we become is in changing our thoughts and emotions through our decisions from the impacts of life. We become better or worse people based on the internal attitude and what we have been told of who we are and who we internally choose to be, leading to our external manifested self.

Life is different for every person, some worse than others but all still damaging in a way to that particular individual, which I think we all can agree on. The best advice is that regardless of what has happened, seek help. Whether it be through religion or counsel; never internally shut down or get addicted to something that will numb the pain of an internal bleed. Do not internally box yourself up into compartments and write on them the wounds of what happened. Dealing with every box is beneficial, hard but beneficial to you being ALIVE internally.

We think that because everything looks ok on the outside that all is fine but if the inside of a man is not living then he is walking dead.

Proverbs 4:23 reading from the New Living Translation version of the Bible reads “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life”.

Your heart is central to who you are. When you stop living from it you begin to feel its affects. Life throws some wicked curve balls at us but we can choose to face them and their percussions or internally shutter box; functioning with the lights off. Find a way to not shut down internally but face who you are becoming or have become internally.

 

 

The Masked Avenger

Criminal Minds: True Night

Once again, here I go with grossly advertising television programme Criminal Minds. However, once again I must say that I watched another entirely unspeakable episode of Criminal Minds- I jumped straight into season 3; episode 10 titled True Night.

If you haven’t watched it then I highly recommend you do. Basically, just to summarise the episode; a young comic book artist (amazingly drawn by the way) starts to draw these graphically exposed sinister murder scenes of a masked person killing people in certain locations with a samurai sword. However these drawings begin to become a gory reality. The BAU team are sent in to investigate. To cut a long story short, it turns out to be the comic book guy who is drawing the murders then committing them in real time. After experiencing a traumatic event, he went onto to becoming this killer. He and his girlfriend decided to go to the shop to get some beef jerky (as she was hungry) late at night. After purchasing what she wanted, she tells Jonny that she is pregnant and the couple are happy and continue walking. Then they are stopped whilst walking and after hearing the baby news, Jonny proposes to his girlfriend BUT as he pops the question awaiting an answer, they are stopped in their tracks by a gang. The gang mimic the proposal scene and form the traumatic event that causes Jonny to become his NEW identity. They rape his pregnant girlfriend in front of him, making him watch, and then kill her. They then deeply cut Jonny physically wide open in his stomach as well as beating him, leaving him nearly dead.  

You’re probably thinking “who cares” or even better “what’s the hype about”, “what’s my point?” Well let me tell you this my friends… my point is the new identity that is formed… the masked avenger formed to cope with the event. My last blog titled ‘The Alter Ego Doorway’ is pretty much linked to this. I talked about alter personalities formed to help us cope but now this time; the trauma, forget or repression of events mentally can actually form a new identity. The WHAT now becomes known for WHY the mask exists.

We look around in society and a big cry of WHO AM I screams out. Young children trying to the adults, adults acting like kids- we could go on but I won’t lol. Identity seems to be stolen, the confident status quo slowly disappearing from the earth.

Jonny McHale played by actor Frankie Muniz (Malcolm In The Middle) simply went through the most traumatic event of his life. His physical injuries and the complete heartbreak of watching his girlfriend been raped and killed; also losing his unborn FIRST baby left him terribly wounded. His mind started recalling repressed memories little by little of what happened. His clear gifting and talents mentally constructed this masked figure, this masked avenger per say. The one who would go out and stop all the baddies; however there was one big problem. The trauma led to a spree of uncontrollable unforgettable events. When you watch the episode, you will see that it was of no fault of his own but the receiving of no long term psychological help allowed this new identity to form and take control- destroying the very little of Jonny that was left.

In this case repression and forget were tools (branches as you would say) used for helping to construct the masked avenger identity. How long do we go on for repressing and seeking no long term help for our traumatic, repressed events in our lives? Do we create a new identity? If so what identity do we create- the killer, the confident chick, the introvert soul, the loud mouth, Mr. I don’t give a damn, the street slut??? What identity do you own or what identity owns you?

Life throws unspeakable things at us- the very smallest thing like a child leaving home for the first time to go out and experience the big bad world to people committing suicide leaving their partners or loved ones behind with nothing but unspeakable loss and painful precious memories. Regardless of the scale, all these events are BIG to a person in some way, shape or form. The pain these events leave behind can be major and terribly factors draining people physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. But our biggest issue is the mask… what we do to get rid of the memories and emotions? The scariest thing we can sometimes do is HIDE.

Jonny could not face what he went through; he was totally broken. The pain of his ordeal let him mentally create a character that took revenge on the gang members who destroyed his life and took everything away from him- Jonny was avenged; his new character avenged him. However Johnny didn’t realise that the character (mask per say) he created was actually himself- how he really felt.

We obviously take into account the mental and medical state of people when dealing with traumatic events but do we deal with the masked identities constructed to help deal with the pain, with the trauma, with the memories from the event? Just from looking at people throughout society you can clearly see that when people don’t deal with any issue they face, it becomes very evident- the issue becomes them. However my thought is that what identity is created when we don’t deal with issues in our lives. Another example would be the King Of Pop  Michael Jackson– he created Peter Pan (the boy who never grew up and looking into Jackson’s childhood, he never got the chance to be a boy so Peter Pan was an identifiable character for him and so this identity he had taken on in his own life). Even in my blog post entry, Adam formed Amanda to help protect him. This tells us that we construct identities to shell (protect) and hide the real pain- the raw emotions- our true hearts and minds. However the problem becomes when the identity becomes who we are, when really we are not this identity but have created it to help us cope, help us protect or hide the real pain of what happened- the truth.

The only way we can get rid of these masks is by facing the truth, by facing what has made us do this. The truth is ugly (so they say) and everyone is different and what we go through is different. Not everyone can sit and talk to someone and change just like that- the change is not important but the steps towards making the change to help yourself are important and then the change will come. So how do we move? What do I do? 

SEEK HELP, I don’t mean run to the world and tell them your problems but seek the help you need before your mask haunts you.