Your Character Speaks For You

“Features and traits that form the individual nature of a person or thing.”

The above is a definition of the word ‘character’. Whether we like it or not, or whether it is noticed or not, our character speaks for us.

Matthew 15:11 It is not what goes into the mouth that makes a person unclean. It is what comes out of the mouth that makes a person unclean. (International Standard Version)

From the above scripture we can see the principle of character relating to the inner state of a person, not only speech. It speaks of what we are made of, what is on the inside of us.

Character is quality, the essence of who we are. When I refer to the term ‘speak’, I do not mean this in the form of audible speech (which it can mean) but I am referring to the manifested fruit of ones actions and behaviours. Our speech of course is important as we do need to think about what we say, how we say it (related scriptures on our speech), but my concern in this post is our actions and behaviours.

Actions speak louder than words

Matthew 7:16 You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? (New Living Translation)

Life impacts everyone differently. Situations bring out both the best and worst of us. However the underlying factor that separates individuals characters is what a person allows to be formed within them. It is this forming of traits and features that is important and should be reflected upon.

Like the farmer who sows seeds in soil for need of a good harvest, we must check what the seeds (features and traits) are before sowing them (allowing them to become part of us) as well as the soil (our hearts, minds, bodies, etc) that they are becoming part of.

What traits and features are you becoming? What have you become already? These could be jealousy, envy, hate, love, compassion, musical taste, rejection, religious beliefs, values, addictions, drugs, alcohol, smoking, laziness, political views, cultural traditions, etc; there are many of which are unlisted here. Traits and features are what make you YOU. These questions must be asked to yourself.

I once heard someone say that whether we grow or not, we are becoming something. That God is interested in what we are becoming. I am pretty sure this was Stasi Eldredge but cannot be 100%.

Speech alone is not enough to carry you through life.  Actions and speech walk hand in hand, hence the saying “you can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?”

We must accustom our speech AND behaviours. Speech can go before us but most times behaviour does because of what we think or how we feel and act. At times we do not need to say anything for something or someone to experience something from us. This can be seen also in first impressions. Hypocrisy has been a well known giant in society.

John Maxwell in his book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, speaks about The Law of the Lid (an individual’s effectiveness has a say on their leadership and potential). We cannot talk something that we do not walk.

If what we say has truly become us then it will be manifested, good or bad. We must change speech but also our actions & behaviours.

I have this one question for you, WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER SAYING ABOUT YOU?

Reflect upon the quality of your character, both internally and externally. John 1:14 states that the Word (Jesus) became flesh (human). What type of flesh (quality in this regards) has your character become or is becoming? What’s the production of your character?

We seek only to be the best we can be but at what cost?

Mark 8:36 What good does it do for people to win the whole world yet lose their lives? (God’s Word Translation)

Don’t Frustrate Another Man’s Grace

Grace is defined as ‘the freely given, unmerited favour and love of God’. Another definition coined by Pastor James for grace whilst I attended FGC-UK 2015 was “a steady current of God’s power. Undeserved, unearned and unmerited.”

Grace has two faces; forgiveness and correction. We tend to consume ourselves in reverence and awe of God’s unlimited forgiveness and eternal mercies through his love for us. We say confess, repent (turn from) your old ways and God will forgive you, which he will (1 John 1:9).

However we tend to forget that our actions have consequences. Yes Jesus Christ came to take away our sins, many scriptures throughout the Bible support this. We can continually admit our wrongs and God gives us grace to outwork the sin habits we have endured since the beginning (Psalm 51:5). We do not want to be seen as frustrating the grace of God (Galatians 2:11-21). God WILL deal with the behaviours and attitudes within us that do not reflect him.

Throughout the history of man, from creation we have turned from God to look another way. Time and time again we read stories seeing God’s love and forgiveness but we never look beyond it. We somehow miss the part where God dealt with mans corrupt nature even though he forgave them.

Genesis 2:15-17 is God’s instruction to Adam to not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Genesis 3 speaks of Adam and Eve disobeying this instruction and sin (doing wrong against God) entering into all humanity. Verses 7-19 speak of the CONSEQUENCES of disobeying what God had said. Verses 21-24 show that God put them out of the original place where he dwelt with them.

God forgave man, he loved man, he was gracious towards man but God still corrected man. God is a just God, a God of order and justice. He disciplines those he loves (Proverbs 3:12).

After Moses led the people out of Egypt, they complained and eventually worshipped a golden calf. Exodus 32 tells of this story and yet again, even after Moses pleaded with God on behalf of the people, God still punished their behaviour (verses 33-35).

I could go back and forth with this from the Bible. Noah and the flood, Jonah and the people of Nineveh, Sodom and Gomorrah; the list is endless. God always sent someone to warn people of what would happen if they did not truly repent when you look through the Old Testament.

Nehemiah 9:28-31 (NLT);

“But as soon as they were at peace, your people again committed evil in your sight, and once more you let their enemies conquer them. Yet whenever your people turned and cried to you again for help, you listened once more from heaven. In your wonderful mercy, you rescued them many times! “You warned them to return to your Law, but they became proud and obstinate and disobeyed your commands. They did not follow your regulations, by which people will find life if only they obey. They stubbornly turned their backs on you and refused to listen. In your love, you were patient with them for many years. You sent your Spirit, who warned them through the prophets. But still they wouldn’t listen! So once again you allowed the peoples of the land to conquer them. 31 But in your great mercy, you did not destroy them completely or abandon them forever. What a gracious and merciful God you are!

God continually forgives and loves man but he never condones sin. He never accepts the wrong behaviour of people. It is not his nature. When people do wrong, he addresses it and then moves on.

My question to you is WHY DO WE CONDONE RATHER THAN CHALLENGE PEOPLE’S WRONG BEHAVIOURS AND ATTITUDES WHEN GOD DOESN’T? Whether you follow Christianity or not, this question can still be asked in society.

Not only did God warn people in the Old Testament about changing, this theme carried through to Jesus in the New Testament.

John 8:1-11 is the story where Jesus saves the prostitute from being stoned. In verse 11 Jesus tells the woman to go but SIN NO MORE. Again just like the Old Testament, he doesn’t condone her actions.

Jesus always corrected people wherever he went. He would teach in the synagogues and throughout the lands whilst also performing miracles. When he did not agree with people’s behaviours he challenged them, in particular the Pharisees. When people’s natures turned the temple into something it was never meant to be, Jesus became angry and yet again did not condone their actions (John 2:13-16).

Again I ask you WHY DO WE CONDONE RATHER THAN CHALLENGE PEOPLE’S WRONG BEHAVIOURS AND ATTITUDES WHEN GOD DOESN’T? Jesus did not condone it either.

Luke 17:1-4 (The Message);

He said to his disciples, “Hard trials and temptations are bound to come, but too bad for whoever brings them on! Better to wear a millstone necklace and take a swim in the deep blue sea than give even one of these dear little ones a hard time! “Be alert. If you see your friend going wrong, correct him. If he responds, forgive him. Even if it’s personal against you and repeated seven times through the day, and seven times he says, ‘I’m sorry, I won’t do it again,’ forgive him.”

 Matthew 7:12 says that we should do things to people what we want done to ourselves. Did you know that you could also frustrate one man’s grace to another?

In order to frustrate a person you must make their plans or efforts to become worthless or of no avail. To disappoint or thwart them. Other words for ‘thwart’ are baffle, confuse, cramp, double cross, obstruct, prevent, restrain, hold up, and upset.

If we can frustrate God’s grace by never truly repenting, letting the Holy Spirit change us then how can we not frustrate man’s grace? We are partakers in God’s grace (Philippians 1:7).

God does not put up with our bad behaviours and attitudes. He says he will hand us over to them if we do not change (Romans 1:28).

So why should we accept it? Why should we use the fruits of the spirit out of context in order to be nice and super-spiritual when the Bible clearly says that we should address it? Paul was one of the people in the New Testament that would write letters to the churches and individuals, not only encouraging them but also correcting them where needed.

We are to have the fruits of the Spirit but still operate in the dimension of love when correcting others or being corrected ourselves (Galatians 6:1). The Holy Spirit helps us by giving us the strength we need. He helps us when we are to make allowances for one another (Colossians 3:13). The Holy Spirit does not condone it. This does not mean we will not grow weary or tired of purposeful or ignorant unchanged behaviours and attitudes within each other.

Jesus tells us to be in the world, not of it (Romans 12:2), we are not like the world because he is not like the world (John 17:16). So why do we allow it?

This does not mean that we go around exploiting, judging and speaking out of term people’s business; there is a time and place for how we are to deal with things (Ecclesiastes 3). We need wisdom (James 1:5) for how to deal with situations, knowing if we are to say something and if so, when and where. Prayer and timing is key. I do not believe that we are supposed to stay silent and accept what God does not accept.

Matthew 18:12-17 & James 5:13-18 gives us tips on how to deal with these situations. It is important that we carry the nature of God inside of us. We forgive but never condone sin habits from an unchanged internal nature.

Lets think about how we respond to one another, in love but also correcting each other to continue in the life God truly has for us.

People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life,
    but those who ignore correction will go astray. (Proverbs 10:17)

What Is LIVING In Your Head?

Your mind is a vast specimen and an approved force to be reckoned with however in an unwholesome stage it can be your worst nightmare. Take a few minutes to watch the below clip from the series Criminal Minds (season 10 episode 11– The Forever People).

The above clip is solely my driven purpose for this blog post as I am not here to talk about this episode in its entirety.

Jennifer Jareau, known as JJ suffered traumatic and unforeseen abuse at the hands of her ex- overseas colleague, Tivon Askari, whilst working a case. JJ again became a victim of those which her and the team imprison. She suffered not only mental but also physical torture which triggered the loss of her unborn child; forever leaving her scarred.

After the death of Tivon, one year later she is forced to face the anniversary of the event. Every thought and emotion made its presence known and began to manifest like water given to plants. Just like the rest of humanity JJ is no exception to the constant battle of the mind. Even after one year JJ was under the assumption that she had dealt with the situation, which to us in our terms means “I thought I was over it?”.

For one whole year JJ functioned in her ability as a mum, wife and BAU agent. Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually she had dealt with very little concerning what had happened. We know this as the above clip speaks of JJ’s unconscious mind.

JJ’s dialogue makes for interesting discussion. Her behaviour started speaking which showed a change in her character. Something has shifted in JJ. Her speech, confidence and actions exhibited her non-verbal dialogue. The real conversation was between JJ and her unconscious mind, that which was internally speaking to her.

Tivon Askari

Your unconscious mind is very much alive. We go through different situations and circumstances of which we most times have no control over. The deciding factor of rising above or sinking beneath are the decisions we internally make which determine our actions. The only problem is that we forget to CHECK our unconscious mind.

By definition alone the word unconscious means without awareness, cognition or sensation. The processes in the mind that take place automatically and not given a reflection period. Our thought processes, memories, motivations, etc. The unconscious and its processes exist under the surface and impact our behaviour. Academic research studies have suggested that the unconscious includes repressed feelings, automatic skills, subliminal perceptions, thoughts, habits, automatic reactions and possibly hidden phobias and desires. Some processes expressed in dreams, slips of the tongue and jokes.

Dealing with that which is under the surface is a very important part of growing as a person. When a part of you is revealed and this is enlightened unto you, you have a responsibility and an accountability to do something about it. However as the unconscious deals with under the surface, it HAS to be revealed. Sometimes people are used to show us what we are really made of then at other times we can see our own reflections based upon how we respond to that which happens to us. Yes there is always help but we also have a part to play. JJ’s response was to function at home and work but what she really needed to do was face the monster in her unconscious mind.

Dr Reid addressing JJ’s behaviour

Rather than looking under our skin we can sometimes become efficient. Using what we have in order to just pass by in life rather than sacrificing ourselves to the fullest in order to be all we can be. We hide in the functioning of everyday life when in reality we are unaware of the damage we are doing to ourselves because we are not dealing with what we are really thinking, feeling and going through which is internally taking its toll. Regardless of how much we divorce ourselves from reality we  will never deal with what is under our surface until we face it for ourselves. We all have our own individual ways of dealing with things but what is really living in our minds? What is your unconscious mind saying to you?

The mental processing taking place in our mind is what needs to be daily re-evaluated and challenged. Whether this be our religious belief systems, our dealings with people, how we talk or act towards ourselves and others, our values, our jobs, our personal confidence and self esteem, our relationships with our neighbours, family and friends; the list goes on. We really need to check all our repressed feelings, automatic skills, subliminal perceptions, thoughts, habits, automatic reactions, hidden phobias and desires. We need to see what is going on inside of us. Even the Bible tells us to examine ourselves (1Corinthians 11:28) and look at yourself to change you before being quick to judge others (Matthew 7:5).

My proposal to you today and even unto myself is for us conduct an individual check-up on ourselves; our hearts, feelings and MIND. Yes there is more to our minds than the unconscious but we need to see what is living in it as it is that which has the potential to make or break us. Whether you turn to people for wise counsel or prayer, something needs to be done with the living elements in our minds. Do not be ignorant, deceived or not willing to deal with yourself.

Let’s find and take this journey. There will be times when we really do not like, want to see or even believe what is really underneath but I can assure you that taking and sticking with the best process is a lifetime commitment and will be beneficial. We are merely responding to what can be a great time of change and transformation.

 

 

Let Your Wound Speak

This thought came to me a while back and I wanted to share it with you…

Can you really sew yourself up and expect it to be a good job?

I am not talking about DIY as a specialist work profession, I am talking about spiritual DIY. Trying to fix yourself and in a harmful way.

We all go through things that hurt us; whether it be something someone has said, something a person did or did not do, a disaster or whatever it may be; the problem we have is that we tend to DIY our own patchwork on our wounds. All of a sudden we become these professional surgeons; we see the severity of the wound and suddenly begin operating on ourselves immediately and think that we can do a good job. We forget that different types of wounds require different types of help… more severe wounds needing a stronger touch.

Why do we do this? Is it because it is easier? Do we not trust help if we need it? Are we ashamed? Are we too proud or have become blinded?. There are many reasons why we do what we do but the result becomes dangerous if it is a DIY job. We seem to live in a culture where this has become acceptable. We have put a silent ‘I’ in team. We always think we deal with things but really we do not, the evidence being in the manifestation of our behaviour and attitude. What is on the inside will become visible on the outside, it is just a matter of time.

Sometimes we have to face our wounds and sit with them. Notice I say sit and not stay. We are allowed to acknowledge what people, events and circumstances; what life has done to us and how we are to deal with it. Why is there always a need to acknowledge and DIY straight-away? Why are we not allowed to acknowledge the truth of what has happened; the pain, trauma, the basic collateral damage that has impacted and possibly even infected us?

It is important to acknowledge where you are at rather than patch it up. Deception allows you to be ignorant for a moment but if you have per say become enlightened and choose to act ignorant for whatever reasons, the effects of your DIY will eventually lead to destruction. Sometimes it is hard to face reality because it sucks but is it not better to see a wound for what it is than see it covered up because the cover up is not real and if left untreated could become infected and worse than its original state?

I am not saying you have to go around telling everyone everything that is going on or should just do what you want. We have to learn how to handle what we have been dealt. This is often the hard and tricky part; living it out. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it wrong during this process but it is important to let your wound be opened, cleaned and healed rather than DIY’d; let your wound speak. We all need time to heal and heal differently.

I just want to leave you with this; Have you done a DIY work on yourself? You are known by what you become. Do you see a good fruit or a bad one? If so I suggest you un-wrap that wound, let it bleed and let it heal. Go through a correct process by get it treated before it becomes too late. It will seep out in the end. The heart, soul and mind is much more detrimental to what you become than a self certified DIY and “I got over myself” when really you haven’t. Look after yourself and do not let a bad DIY job be your portion. Choose to become someone different, someone better.