A Split Being

Humanity is known for its talent of hiding. We have learned the art of contouring, blending life’s situations and circumstances with our identities. Rather than seeking out the true nature of ourselves from the battles in life we have or may face, we can sometimes become lost in the very apparel of the scars life leaves behind.

These scars take on all forms, shapes and sizes. They come from all walks of life. We attain them as children and carry them our entire adult lives. We can either walk with our scars as healed people showing where we have come from or colour in our wounds to match our exterior but as soon as they are touched they bleed crimson red. The second type of walking with the scar can also be translated as ‘unresolved issues’. Those things that we think we are over but really there is another ‘person’ inside us who is warring to break out. We let our mask master us rather than us reigning over our mask.

Unresolved issues are like any other problem in life. They eventually come to the surface. You can not hide from yourself because sooner or later you will catch your reflection and have to face yourself.

Some of you may or may not remember a TV series titled ‘Heroes‘.  A set of stories about ordinary everyday people who discover they have superhuman abilities. These abilities bring them altogether for an ultimate purpose. Each character had their own story to tell along the battle field of good vs evil. However the character I would like us to get acquainted with is Niki Sanders.

One part of a triplet with the ability of enhanced strength at birth, adopted by the Sanders family which went on to form a great bond with her sister Jessica. Unfortunately her adoptive father was abusive creating circumstances which led to the death of her sister Jessica and a repressed mind state in which Niki developed a split personality.

Jessica & Niki Sanders

Niki had a family, a whole new life from the one she had once known. Niki’s abusive past created an alter ego which named itself as her sister Jessica. After many years she was once again faced with her father which conjured many different thoughts and emotions of her past. Jessica came to surface and protected Niki. As the doorway had been opened Jessica became more aggressive and powerful. Jessica could not be controlled by anyone, not even Niki. Niki did everything she could to suppress Jessica, she even took tablets as Jessica would leave for a while but when Niki had to face herself again Jessica would always come back.

The matter at hand here was Niki’s ‘unresolved issues’. Her mind had not faced the demons of her past which allowed an access point for an alter ego. Rather than going through the healing process her mind repressed everything she had experienced. Niki became two people, she was a split being.

Unresolved issues are an internal matter. When someone hurts us, if we don’t forgive or anything else for that matter, it creates a hard heart and we begin to feel the affects internally. This could be from simply thinking about a situation or person as well as seeing them or being put in a situation which has caused a scar. Our journey in life allows us to go through many different things. Some things we can handle and get over whilst others may be a bit of a struggle. It is very important to be honest with yourself and face the part of you that you are hiding from.

Some people have experienced what only we would say is inhumane justice in this world. Their stories tell of only darkness with which there is no light. This makes things harder as the battle has been so intense. However as John and Stasi Eldredge have taught me that you are always becoming someone or something no matter whether you are doing something or not. That God is interested in who you are becoming because you are becoming something. By dealing with your under the surface problems you are looking to become the true you but my burying them you are becoming something you are not.

Niki knew that she was not Jessica but Niki needed help in order to get rid of Jessica. When we do not deal with unresolved issues within us that which is not of us becomes stronger. Just like when Venom could take over Spiderman (see my blog post titled Resisting Venom) because he was being unforgiving and Jessica took over Niki; unresolved issues make us someone we are not.

We all need help in order to get rid of the shadows of who we become due to life’s situations and circumstances. The whole point of life is for us to be our selves to the best of life’s ability. We all struggle with the common human error of hiding but at what cost do we become someone else? Are our personal unresolved issues really worth us becoming something we are not?

We are better to face the pain than let the pain become our face internally. Being yourself is more precious and important than masquerading in a mask far from your real complexion.

 

 

 

It Costs To Be Me

‘Being Yourself’ has to be one of the biggest challenges that people face in their lives. The ability to be ourselves from the innocent in age to the fully formed adult the world has come to know. It seems like a never ending conquering wall in which we must climb until we reach the top and shout ‘victory’. Our world, its cultures and societal structures consist of visual imagery and sweet rhetoric forcibly fed to us reinforcing an identity of who we really are.

In growing up we become the lab rat for some weird experiment. A symphony for advertisers in which we sometimes fall in tune with and dance to due to the richness of their beauty. After years of becoming accustomed, captivated and sometimes mind numbingly unchallenging, we too can believe that which has been presented to us is who we really are. Just as if the mirror off the wall were walking hand in hand with us as best friends rather than reflecting our true self. Before you know it it is not until you peel back the layers that what we see underneath can be really quite different.

Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually we are on a journey and this journey is called life. Whether good or bad, life forms and shapes us into who we are today. Health, beauty, education, religion, relationships are just some of these branches which grow from us and form the fruit of their impact on us. Your choices play a big role in this shaping. Situations, circumstances and how we react to them emphasise who we become. Spiderman is a great, even though fictional, character that correlates with this blog post in its intended context. He clearly expresses that it costs to be yourself, your true self. This is very evident in the Spider-Man 2 movie.

Peter Parker was your average typical guy who was raptured in science. His benevolent relationship with his aunt May and Uncle Ben, perplexed relationship with Mary Jane, roller coaster friendship with Harry, scurrilous working relationship with his horrid boss Mr Jameson, unpopular lonely exterior were yet again some of Peter’s branches of life. After his spider bite and transformation into the infamous Spiderman, his life changed including all his branches.

SpiderMan 2

In living and trying to balance two separate lives an internal battle was created. The life of Peter Parker was both drastically and involuntarily changing in order to become Spiderman. All of the branches as spoken about above aided this internal war between Peter Parker and Spiderman. Peter could no longer hold fashion to the demands of Spiderman.  You can not be two people otherwise they will soon collide. Spiderman had a very different branch, he required the soul (mind, will and emotions) of Peter in order to defeat evil and save both the city and people therein. Peter’s soul and therefore his identity were in turmoil and at war on the battlefield. You can not be two people otherwise they will soon collide and one will win; which one is your choice.

SpiderMan 2 shows a season where SpiderMan loses his powers and Peter can once again live. His personal life had become a broken jigsaw puzzle and Peter’s soul was wavering. The heart and desires of Peter were enmity against the requirements of SpiderMan. He makes decisions based on what he wants rather than on that which he was newly becoming as SpiderMan. Some of those decisions prove fatal because it was going to cost Peter something; himself and sometimes we are not ready to count the cost of giving up ourselves.

Downward spiral in powers

SpiderMan is no more

To summarise throughout the rest of the film Peter has to make a choice; to live as he used to with a quiet, lonely and uninterrupted life or be the hero he has become because of change in his life. If you have seen the SpiderMan movies or read the comics then you’ll know he chose SpiderMan… but it cost him. I am not saying that he can not or will never be Peter Parker because that is not true but it costs him some of his branches in order to become who is really is.

To be your true self it will cost you something. This could be relationships, friendships, values and morals, jobs, health, beauty, religion, education, wrong thinking patterns, ritualistic behaviour; anything. The branches in our lives can sometimes have damaging effects but who you really are is what the world needs, not a form of you but a true identity. We all go through stages on experimenting and transitioning but if we become the person who we really are we must weigh up our branches and accept the reality that it will require all of us to be ourself.

Is My World Real?

The realm of reality and fantasy are very tainted in today’s world. What is real we cannot or do not want to accept and what is fictional feels so real that we sometimes become greatly entangled and lost in its false reality.

Recently at work I was able to assess the film ‘Shutter Island‘. I have watched this film several times and thoroughly enjoyed it but after assessing it at work it created a new line of mental thought processing for me.  I saw the film in a new light, the truth about DECEPTION.

Due to a traumatic past event, Teddy Daniels (played by actor Leonardo DiCaprio), created an alternative reality in which acted as a coping mechanism to help him suppress what had really happened. He had a new identity and story (life), both of which completely overshadowed what really was. Without giving too much away and to keep focus, this fantasy lasted for two years; his own personal lie became his reality.

If we pause for a minute and really digest those last two sentences we would really see how dangerous deception really is. It took several psychiatrists, doctors and nurses to break the deception Teddy had built for himself in his mind. Everything he once knew had become nothing but a caged memory. The fortress of deception mentally told Teddy that his lie was real because Teddy was unable to come to terms and deal with the truth. Can you imagine that, an event traumatises you so severely that you create a lie so real that you really believe it? I must admit that I find that really scary. The line between reality and fantasy completely disappearing is a scary thought.

Shutter Island is just a film but the story it portrays is very real. We can sometimes get so caught up in a lie, in make-believe that we lose sight of what is real. Living in a lie is so much easier than facing the truth. The longer we stay asleep in the lie the harder it becomes to wake up to the truth. However as the film progresses we see that those who helped Teddy were able to ‘wake him up’. Just a side thought here, Teddy was dreaming for two years, imagine how it would be if it were longer?

Neo from ‘The Matrix‘ woke up because the world he was living in was not real to him anymore; there was something more. However when faced with the truth even he had to make choice to stay awake (reality) or go back to sleep (the lie).

The Matrix- Blue pill or Red pill

In order to stay awake we must choose to accept the truth; not part of it but all of it. Once we have accepted the truth we must face it; the situations, person(s), emotions or circumstances in order to find healing and freedom. The most important part that most of us forget is that we must fill the hole in our hearts and minds where the lie once lived. There not only has to be truth accepted and renewed on a daily basis in our lives but there must also be hope; a hope of something new or better than that which previously was.

The journey and fight to stay in truth is a constant battle. The lie will always try to creep back in; especially when we are progressing or in the middle of the process of recovery. We must find genuine hope, strength, vision as well as want, face and accept truth on a daily basis during this process.

If we do not face and walk through what we need to on this recovery journey then we will be in danger of returning to the lie that once captivated and moulded us into that which is not real.

 

 

Are You On Your Merry-go-round?

Image courtesy of: http://cuboidal.org/photos/2005/08/london/IMG_7270

You are at a travelling carnival and are about to take a ride on the merry-go-round. One of the most syked about rides; for all ages and it is not gender specific. It is for everyone and a happy fun ride. You can literally go on the ride over and over again; the same experience repeated with absolutely no change but each time feels different. The truth is that it is the same ride, going around in the same circle, in exactly the same spot. The only thing that changes is your emotions. However at some point the carnival must close for the night. You have to get off the merry-go-round and the owner shuts down the ride.

Life can sometimes be like that merry-go-round. You think you are moving when in reality you are jogging on the spot. The outside looks and sounds amazing but the internal nature has not changed, it only looks like it has moved. You fool everyone into thinking that all is well; your speech and learned habitual behaviour puts on a good show but eventually there is a leak. A leak when not fixed infiltrates other areas which also leak and before you know it there is no longer anything left standing because the necessary repairs were not made to the original leak.

What do you do when the performance is over? What do you do when the lights on your merry-go-round go off? 

Do you get off? Do you run? Do you hide? Do you keep putting the same mask on? Do you even switch back on the light or create another show? What do you do? Really think about it. Really look into yourself and ask yourself what you do.

It is so easy to go through life on a merry-go-round and sometimes we can not even be aware of the fact that we never got off the merry-go-round. Emotions, self will, our mind, decisions and situations, even people, society and culture place us into deception and tell us that we got off but our nature inside of us has not changed because really we are still on the merry-go-round.

It is a challenge to live. Living is not easy especially when you want to live right. Life becomes a chore to so many people because situations and circumstances dictate whether they truly live life or are living dead. The problem is if we do not choose to wake up on the merry-go-round and get off, eventually it will break down. Referring to the ride, the paint will start to ware off, the mechanics of the ride itself will begin to seize up and malfunction; basically the ride will not work properly if not maintained accurately.  The same can be said for a human; if they are not looked after properly and do not get what they need in order to live and be healthy then they will die.

So again I ask; What do you do when the performance is over? What do you do when the lights on your merry-go-round go off? 

This is even something I myself am having to look at in my own life. Merry-go-rounds are very comfortable. They are easy to get on but getting off is a challenge; a daily active decision to get up and move because if you do not then your show will go on. Your life will be wasted because of choosing the show over choosing your life.

This thought came to me and now I am sharing it with you. Take a look at if you are on a merry-go-round or not and if you are then charge yourself with getting off. Do not live in your performance because your performance may not be who you really are or even worse, just not real.

Let Your Wound Speak

This thought came to me a while back and I wanted to share it with you…

Can you really sew yourself up and expect it to be a good job?

I am not talking about DIY as a specialist work profession, I am talking about spiritual DIY. Trying to fix yourself and in a harmful way.

We all go through things that hurt us; whether it be something someone has said, something a person did or did not do, a disaster or whatever it may be; the problem we have is that we tend to DIY our own patchwork on our wounds. All of a sudden we become these professional surgeons; we see the severity of the wound and suddenly begin operating on ourselves immediately and think that we can do a good job. We forget that different types of wounds require different types of help… more severe wounds needing a stronger touch.

Why do we do this? Is it because it is easier? Do we not trust help if we need it? Are we ashamed? Are we too proud or have become blinded?. There are many reasons why we do what we do but the result becomes dangerous if it is a DIY job. We seem to live in a culture where this has become acceptable. We have put a silent ‘I’ in team. We always think we deal with things but really we do not, the evidence being in the manifestation of our behaviour and attitude. What is on the inside will become visible on the outside, it is just a matter of time.

Sometimes we have to face our wounds and sit with them. Notice I say sit and not stay. We are allowed to acknowledge what people, events and circumstances; what life has done to us and how we are to deal with it. Why is there always a need to acknowledge and DIY straight-away? Why are we not allowed to acknowledge the truth of what has happened; the pain, trauma, the basic collateral damage that has impacted and possibly even infected us?

It is important to acknowledge where you are at rather than patch it up. Deception allows you to be ignorant for a moment but if you have per say become enlightened and choose to act ignorant for whatever reasons, the effects of your DIY will eventually lead to destruction. Sometimes it is hard to face reality because it sucks but is it not better to see a wound for what it is than see it covered up because the cover up is not real and if left untreated could become infected and worse than its original state?

I am not saying you have to go around telling everyone everything that is going on or should just do what you want. We have to learn how to handle what we have been dealt. This is often the hard and tricky part; living it out. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it wrong during this process but it is important to let your wound be opened, cleaned and healed rather than DIY’d; let your wound speak. We all need time to heal and heal differently.

I just want to leave you with this; Have you done a DIY work on yourself? You are known by what you become. Do you see a good fruit or a bad one? If so I suggest you un-wrap that wound, let it bleed and let it heal. Go through a correct process by get it treated before it becomes too late. It will seep out in the end. The heart, soul and mind is much more detrimental to what you become than a self certified DIY and “I got over myself” when really you haven’t. Look after yourself and do not let a bad DIY job be your portion. Choose to become someone different, someone better.

The ABORT Button

I have been heavily thinking about the word ‘abort’ recently- simply meaning to cut something short; not let it run its complete course for some reason. Life is filled with many challenges and circumstances, whether this be just thrown at us by life or because of our own decisions, behaviours or choices. We all face and handle them differently, some better than others but either way we all have an end outcome. This is where the word ‘abort’ comes into place; we can sometimes face challenges, circumstances or situations which cause us to mentally and emotionally; then following these through physically by aborting the situation. In other words we give up, not getting to the end of the circumstance. I am not saying that we all do this but what I am saying is that it does happen… we give up and do not see things through to the end.

A great example of this happening is Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars. I am a fan of the Star Wars movies because they are very good at expressing an empathetic reality of the world I live in today and that I can personally relate to. Let me show you what I mean by looking into Anakin’s character from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith.

Anakin was a promise, he was the ‘chosen’ one to bring about a stronger, better future. He was to be trained to beat the dark side once and for all. Others had their reservations but it was written, destined that Anakin was the answer they were looking for. Without giving away the storyline too much, especially for those who have not seen it, Anakin hits a challenge face on. Challenges come in different forms to everyone, they are presented to people differently but Anakins’ came in a personal form shown to him in a dream, or what he would class in today’s society as a nightmare.

Suddenly this chosen one, this destined Jedi that would change everything for the better found himself in a situation where his decisions and actions changed everything, especially his written future. Anakin’s emotions came into play due to his situation and like most of us his emotions ran high and got the best of him. Anakin re-wrote his own history and destiny but due to his circumstance and emotions taking over, he pressed the abort button on his life and its due course.

For those who have seen this particular Star Wars film (III) then you know the ending, with relation to my blog Anakin aborted his mission and destiny due to his challenge, situation… he aborted his future. Some of you may say that Anakin’s original destiny was not meant to be because it changed and that everything happens for a reason, but I think that it is safe to say that his abort happened as what he became due to circumstance, desire and emotion was NOT what he was destined to be.

We have all been or are yet to be in Anakin’s shoes. When times get tough we either roll with it or run; pretty much ‘survival of the fittest‘ and ‘fight or flight’ theories coined by Charles Darwin and Herbert Spencer. We either face things head on or not at all. No one is perfect but sometimes it can be easier to abort something rather than ride out the situation until the end. Everyone’s situations are different and are handled differently as we all face different things. There is no right or wrong way but we must use wisdom, courage and strength when facing circumstances in order to get a better and more fruitful result.

Galations 6:9

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. (ESV)

Ephesians 6:10-12

And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. (MSG Version).

Philippians 3

Whether you read the Bible or not these principles are relatable. When we do good and do not see its fruits we can often get encouraged to stop doing good… aborting the mission of doing good because the situation or circumstance has not shown any good fruit. Whether you believe in Satan or not we  understand that we must generally in life be able to stand against anything that it throws at us. This could be by protecting our families, looking to good fruitful friendships or relationships in general, building finances in our savings accounts for future investment and many other things but we understand to protect ourselves against things which we can forsee. In the last scripture we can again relate to keeping ourselves on the right track in life, staying focussed on goals, having a discernment or that incline of the right, wrong or fakes in life amongst other things. Do not just think that because you do not know Jesus that Biblical truths can not apply to you or that you can not relate to them. They do and will help.

So what is my point? My point is that be very careful when facing a situation that you do not abort it too soon. All that is needed is permission. Take these examples for example;

Matthew 4:1-11

Next Jesus was taken into the wild by the Spirit for the Test. The Devil was ready to give it. Jesus prepared for the Test by fasting forty days and forty nights. That left him, of course, in a state of extreme hunger, which the Devil took advantage of in the first test: “Since you are God’s Son, speak the word that will turn these stones into loaves of bread.”Jesus answered by quoting Deuteronomy: “It takes more than bread to stay alive. It takes a steady stream of words from God’s mouth.” For the second test the Devil took him to the Holy City. He sat him on top of the Temple and said, “Since you are God’s Son, jump.” The Devil goaded him by quoting Psalm 91: “He has placed you in the care of angels. They will catch you so that you won’t so much as stub your toe on a stone.” Jesus countered with another citation from Deuteronomy: “Don’t you dare test the Lord your God.” For the third test, the Devil took him to the peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth’s kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, “They’re yours—lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on your knees and worship me, and they’re yours.” Jesus’ refusal was curt: “Beat it, Satan!” He backed his rebuke with a third quotation from Deuteronomy: “Worship the Lord your God, and only him. Serve him with absolute single-heartedness.” The Test was over. The Devil left. And in his place, angels! Angels came and took care of Jesus’ needs. (MSG Version).

Satan tempted Jesus in the wilderness… all he needed was Jesus’ permission and for him to give in, give up rather than resist the temptation until the end.

Another great example is Zeus in Clash of the Titans. Hades wanted revenge and hid this motive under the camouflage of suggesting to Zeus that the Kracken be released so the humans would start worshipping the gods again. Zeus’s response even though wise counsel said do not do as Hades suggested was (watch the below video clip);

Both Satan and Hades used the same methods; temptation through suggestion by playing at the hearts of Jesus and Zeus through what they needed due to the present situation they were in. See how easy it is? Jesus did not give in and rode out the battle until the end result. Zeus on the other hand pressed the abort button.

Do you see how easy it is to press the abort button? Consequences of the abort button can be fatal. They not only change you but the whole world around you. If you have pressed the abort button on things in your life, I encourage you to look back and see if it was the right decision and if not then try and find a way of making an amends. Learn from Jesus; not from Zeus or Anakin.