It Costs To Be Me

‘Being Yourself’ has to be one of the biggest challenges that people face in their lives. The ability to be ourselves from the innocent in age to the fully formed adult the world has come to know. It seems like a never ending conquering wall in which we must climb until we reach the top and shout ‘victory’. Our world, its cultures and societal structures consist of visual imagery and sweet rhetoric forcibly fed to us reinforcing an identity of who we really are.

In growing up we become the lab rat for some weird experiment. A symphony for advertisers in which we sometimes fall in tune with and dance to due to the richness of their beauty. After years of becoming accustomed, captivated and sometimes mind numbingly unchallenging, we too can believe that which has been presented to us is who we really are. Just as if the mirror off the wall were walking hand in hand with us as best friends rather than reflecting our true self. Before you know it it is not until you peel back the layers that what we see underneath can be really quite different.

Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually we are on a journey and this journey is called life. Whether good or bad, life forms and shapes us into who we are today. Health, beauty, education, religion, relationships are just some of these branches which grow from us and form the fruit of their impact on us. Your choices play a big role in this shaping. Situations, circumstances and how we react to them emphasise who we become. Spiderman is a great, even though fictional, character that correlates with this blog post in its intended context. He clearly expresses that it costs to be yourself, your true self. This is very evident in the Spider-Man 2 movie.

Peter Parker was your average typical guy who was raptured in science. His benevolent relationship with his aunt May and Uncle Ben, perplexed relationship with Mary Jane, roller coaster friendship with Harry, scurrilous working relationship with his horrid boss Mr Jameson, unpopular lonely exterior were yet again some of Peter’s branches of life. After his spider bite and transformation into the infamous Spiderman, his life changed including all his branches.

SpiderMan 2
SpiderMan 2

In living and trying to balance two separate lives an internal battle was created. The life of Peter Parker was both drastically and involuntarily changing in order to become Spiderman. All of the branches as spoken about above aided this internal war between Peter Parker and Spiderman. Peter could no longer hold fashion to the demands of Spiderman.  You can not be two people otherwise they will soon collide. Spiderman had a very different branch, he required the soul (mind, will and emotions) of Peter in order to defeat evil and save both the city and people therein. Peter’s soul and therefore his identity were in turmoil and at war on the battlefield. You can not be two people otherwise they will soon collide and one will win; which one is your choice.

SpiderMan 2 shows a season where SpiderMan loses his powers and Peter can once again live. His personal life had become a broken jigsaw puzzle and Peter’s soul was wavering. The heart and desires of Peter were enmity against the requirements of SpiderMan. He makes decisions based on what he wants rather than on that which he was newly becoming as SpiderMan. Some of those decisions prove fatal because it was going to cost Peter something; himself and sometimes we are not ready to count the cost of giving up ourselves.

Downward spiral in powers
Downward spiral in powers
SpiderMan is no more
SpiderMan is no more

To summarise throughout the rest of the film Peter has to make a choice; to live as he used to with a quiet, lonely and uninterrupted life or be the hero he has become because of change in his life. If you have seen the SpiderMan movies or read the comics then you’ll know he chose SpiderMan… but it cost him. I am not saying that he can not or will never be Peter Parker because that is not true but it costs him some of his branches in order to become who is really is.

To be your true self it will cost you something. This could be relationships, friendships, values and morals, jobs, health, beauty, religion, education, wrong thinking patterns, ritualistic behaviour; anything. The branches in our lives can sometimes have damaging effects but who you really are is what the world needs, not a form of you but a true identity. We all go through stages on experimenting and transitioning but if we become the person who we really are we must weigh up our branches and accept the reality that it will require all of us to be ourself.

What Use Are You With Lips Sewn Shut?

I just want to share a quick thought with you all. I recently re-watched an episode of Criminal Minds from series 8 called ‘The Silencer‘. This episode is about a prisoner who is serving a life sentence, he escapes from a medical vehicle after it was involved in an accident. En route of his escape he kills the guard who was accompanying him and sews his mouth shut once dead. This is the same MO of a past killer called the Silencer and the team have to investigate whether it is the same killer or not. What stirred interest in me about this particular episode was the fact that the Silencer sewn the mouths of his victims shut. There was no room for them to speak… everything was silent, shut up.

This killer whilst on life sentence NEVER spoke. Silence was key to him and as the programme unravels you understand why. However this got me further thinking about people in general and got me thinking about the title of this blog post; What use are you with lips sewn shut? This is a question not only for me to think about and answer personally; neither is it a question of which I have the right to judge others by but it is a question for all of us to answer personally to ourselves and then act upon accordingly.

Matthew 18:15-17 (NLT)

If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. 16 But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

Matthew 5:21-24 (NLT)

Ye have heard that it was said of them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

Let me tell you 2 things that most of humanity hate;

1. Looking at and judging ourselves- our words, our behaviours and our decisions; whether they impact us or others.

2. Accountability- we do not always like being mature, responsible, owning up and accepting when we are wrong or if something is our fault.

The above scriptures if we simplify them generally state that if you have an issue with someone, go to them personally to sort if out and if that does not work then get WISE counsel from another to help sort it out. Simply, sort out your differences. It really is not hard but for some reason humans have managed to suck the life out of this easy process. We would rather sit with bitterness and hate in a pool of deception rather than take a seat in honesty and take on the grace of love and forgiveness. We keep it in and never settle things in our hearts, again I ask ‘What use are you with lips sewn shut’?

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 mentions there being a place and time for everything, this also applies to our mouths;

Proverbs 18:21 (The Voice version)

Words have power in matters of life and death and those who love them will savor their fruit.

When we speak we have the power to build and destroy, love and hate, forgive and not forgive… life and death. When we air issues out with one another we have to remember one important thing… emotions. Regardless of the issue at hand; hearts, minds and emotions have been damaged to some extent and we have to give way for these. We have to remember that we must let people be healed in these areas and not just expect everything to be how it used to be. It is better to say something in truth and love rather than out of duty and hate; causing death rather than life. We must not use anything as an excuse to keeps our lips sewn shut as this is no help unless silence is necessary.

Luke 6:45 (ENGLISH STANDARD)

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

Proverbs 4:23-24 (AMP)

Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life. Put away from you false and dishonest speech, and willful and contrary talk put far from you.

Our heart is central and the key to us as a person, without it we can not live. We forget that our physical behaviours and mouths express what is flowing from our heart. So when you think you are not showing the truth, you really are without knowing. Sooner or later when that wall breaks it will all flow out, what was really there being hidden. Sometimes we forget that people can see what we are hiding and this causes further damage.

James 5:16 (NLT)

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

Luke 6:42 (NIV)

How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

No man (universal context) has the right to keep another man prisoner. Situations and circumstances may tell us we can but really we can’t. It is better to judge a situation and speak the truth in love rather than say nothing. When people are in need it is better to help them than leave them. Do not hold back or refuse to unlock someone else’s freedom because of an issue caused by both parties, yourself or another. We forgive and have to learn to forget. Allow your love to heal another.

Do not forget to look at yourself and be accountable for your part in a problem rather than just pointing out what others have done. The ugliest person on the the planet is the man (universal context) that refuses to look deeply at his own reflection in the mirror.

Read: Unforgiving servant