Spiritual Dysmorphia

My mind has been running its usual mental marathon, trying to think of a simple analogy to describe an internal spiritual  condition of humanity.

Between 4-5AM of Monday morning, the answer finally came to me… Body Dysmorphia. Random right? However, for the purposes of this blog post I will be using this to describe what I am talking about.

Body Dysmorphia (BDD) is “an anxiety disorder that causes a person to have a distorted view of how they look and to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance.” – NHS definition.

It consists of distressing thoughts about the self (body image) that do not go away. They become negative and are very impactful on an individual’s daily life. A person suffering from it believes they are ugly or defective in some way, and believe other people perceive them the same way. It is very focussed on the ‘external,’ but from an internal perspective.

It is no respecter of persons; affecting both males and females of different ages. It affects many people all over the world and is often hidden by those who struggle with it. More info.

Even though this blog post is not about BDD, this was the answer I was given. I was thinking to myself “why would Body Dysmorphia be the answer I am looking for to describe an internal concept?” The image that followed that question was a woman standing in front of a mirror, and her reflection looking back was very warped.

What Do You See?

I want you to consider something from a spiritual perspective. When using the word ‘spiritual,’ in this context I am referring to something “relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul, as opposed to material or physical things.” – Google definition. I am referring to the internal, not the external.

BDD causes an ugly image to be reflected back, when in reality the true image is different. This is where I flip the script. If we reverse BDD to a spiritual point of view (focussing on the warped reflection looking back – seeing the inside and ignoring the outside), my question to you is: IS THE UGLY, DEFORMED, WARPED PERSON IN YOUR REFLECTION REALLY YOU? This is something I have coined as Spiritual Dysmorphia.

Rather than automatically saying “no” because the outside looks fine, and you may be functioning well – everything is going good for you; no problems or you don’t sense or see any, really have a long look at the warped reflection. Bless God if it’s not true, but the problem is WHEN IT IS TRUE.

Your reflection in this context is who you are as a person: what you do, what you don’t do, your attitude (way of thinking) towards yourself and others, your behaviour in terms of how you treat yourself and others, how you generally think about things, your words and thoughts; etc. Spiritual Dysmorphia is all about the internal; what physically cannot be seen but internally exists under the surface.

Another way to think of Spiritual Dysmorphia is through the Disney Character ‘Beast‘ from Beauty and the Beast.

The Beast

The Beast was externally beautiful but internally ugly: his nature and character were horrible, his heart and mind were ugly too. He was cursed by becoming as ugly externally as he was internally.

“Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.” – Mark 7:15 (New International Version).

“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” – Proverbs 27:19 (New Living Translation).

What is inside of you will eventually leak out. Spiritual Dysmorphia asks you to look at the true state of your internal nature and character. It asks you to check the state and condition of your heart. What is really going on in your spirit and soul? It asks you to question what you are portraying and producing. It requires you to go deeper into the reflection and deal with what it TRULY seen. If left unchecked or sitting in deception, it will crush you, your life and others around you.

Paul from the Bible and Robert Louis Stevenson (author of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde,) are two of my favourite people. They understood the dual nature of humanity – Paul describing it as spirit and flesh (the fight against good and doing what God wants, or bad and doing as ‘me, myself and I’ wants with no care or desire for God as your will is stronger) from a Christian point of view, and Robert describing it as “man is not truly one, but two,” from a novelists’ perspective.

I wanted to highlight this condition as anyone can easily fall into it. There is such a focus on the external when the true issue is our internal nature and character – our heart and mind. What we need to consider is what is really inside us.

It is hard to acknowledge all of ourselves at times, we would like to leave out the bad. But don’t be fooled by believing that you may be ‘all good’ when you may not be, or as Paul would deem as fleshy (acting in your own accord, understanding, will, desires, heart, mind, etc).

Sometimes we can be ignorant to the ugly reflection staring back at us, and sometimes we can be very aware of it. Once revealed to us, we are responsible for what we know and have the chance to change. When we are mature, there is more responsibility and accountability given to us. The problem becomes when we do not seek to change or transform our warped reflection.

“True ignorance is not the absence of knowledge, but the refusal to acquire it.” – Karl Popper.

The Bible speaks a lot about examining yourself (checking yourself). It is important to check yourself for Spiritual Dysmorphia. Praying, reading, observing, reviewing our thoughts, watching your actions and motives – the intents of the heart; etc.

“After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief—we’re not oblivious to his sly ways!” –2Corinthians 2:11 (The Message Version).

Do not think that you can never be untouched by Spiritual Dysmorphia. Ignorance or pride un-noticed is not bliss.

Choose to take a look today and ponder your reflection. The great thing is that there is always an opportunity to change the deformity. Just remember: Your inside is much more important than your outside.

 

 

 

Is My World Real?

The realm of reality and fantasy are very tainted in today’s world. What is real we cannot or do not want to accept and what is fictional feels so real that we sometimes become greatly entangled and lost in its false reality.

Recently at work I was able to assess the film ‘Shutter Island‘. I have watched this film several times and thoroughly enjoyed it but after assessing it at work it created a new line of mental thought processing for me.  I saw the film in a new light, the truth about DECEPTION.

Due to a traumatic past event, Teddy Daniels (played by actor Leonardo DiCaprio), created an alternative reality in which acted as a coping mechanism to help him suppress what had really happened. He had a new identity and story (life), both of which completely overshadowed what really was. Without giving too much away and to keep focus, this fantasy lasted for two years; his own personal lie became his reality.

If we pause for a minute and really digest those last two sentences we would really see how dangerous deception really is. It took several psychiatrists, doctors and nurses to break the deception Teddy had built for himself in his mind. Everything he once knew had become nothing but a caged memory. The fortress of deception mentally told Teddy that his lie was real because Teddy was unable to come to terms and deal with the truth. Can you imagine that, an event traumatises you so severely that you create a lie so real that you really believe it? I must admit that I find that really scary. The line between reality and fantasy completely disappearing is a scary thought.

Shutter Island is just a film but the story it portrays is very real. We can sometimes get so caught up in a lie, in make-believe that we lose sight of what is real. Living in a lie is so much easier than facing the truth. The longer we stay asleep in the lie the harder it becomes to wake up to the truth. However as the film progresses we see that those who helped Teddy were able to ‘wake him up’. Just a side thought here, Teddy was dreaming for two years, imagine how it would be if it were longer?

Neo from ‘The Matrix‘ woke up because the world he was living in was not real to him anymore; there was something more. However when faced with the truth even he had to make choice to stay awake (reality) or go back to sleep (the lie).

The Matrix- Blue pill or Red pill

In order to stay awake we must choose to accept the truth; not part of it but all of it. Once we have accepted the truth we must face it; the situations, person(s), emotions or circumstances in order to find healing and freedom. The most important part that most of us forget is that we must fill the hole in our hearts and minds where the lie once lived. There not only has to be truth accepted and renewed on a daily basis in our lives but there must also be hope; a hope of something new or better than that which previously was.

The journey and fight to stay in truth is a constant battle. The lie will always try to creep back in; especially when we are progressing or in the middle of the process of recovery. We must find genuine hope, strength, vision as well as want, face and accept truth on a daily basis during this process.

If we do not face and walk through what we need to on this recovery journey then we will be in danger of returning to the lie that once captivated and moulded us into that which is not real.

 

 

Are You On Your Merry-go-round?

Image courtesy of: http://cuboidal.org/photos/2005/08/london/IMG_7270

You are at a travelling carnival and are about to take a ride on the merry-go-round. One of the most syked about rides; for all ages and it is not gender specific. It is for everyone and a happy fun ride. You can literally go on the ride over and over again; the same experience repeated with absolutely no change but each time feels different. The truth is that it is the same ride, going around in the same circle, in exactly the same spot. The only thing that changes is your emotions. However at some point the carnival must close for the night. You have to get off the merry-go-round and the owner shuts down the ride.

Life can sometimes be like that merry-go-round. You think you are moving when in reality you are jogging on the spot. The outside looks and sounds amazing but the internal nature has not changed, it only looks like it has moved. You fool everyone into thinking that all is well; your speech and learned habitual behaviour puts on a good show but eventually there is a leak. A leak when not fixed infiltrates other areas which also leak and before you know it there is no longer anything left standing because the necessary repairs were not made to the original leak.

What do you do when the performance is over? What do you do when the lights on your merry-go-round go off? 

Do you get off? Do you run? Do you hide? Do you keep putting the same mask on? Do you even switch back on the light or create another show? What do you do? Really think about it. Really look into yourself and ask yourself what you do.

It is so easy to go through life on a merry-go-round and sometimes we can not even be aware of the fact that we never got off the merry-go-round. Emotions, self will, our mind, decisions and situations, even people, society and culture place us into deception and tell us that we got off but our nature inside of us has not changed because really we are still on the merry-go-round.

It is a challenge to live. Living is not easy especially when you want to live right. Life becomes a chore to so many people because situations and circumstances dictate whether they truly live life or are living dead. The problem is if we do not choose to wake up on the merry-go-round and get off, eventually it will break down. Referring to the ride, the paint will start to ware off, the mechanics of the ride itself will begin to seize up and malfunction; basically the ride will not work properly if not maintained accurately.  The same can be said for a human; if they are not looked after properly and do not get what they need in order to live and be healthy then they will die.

So again I ask; What do you do when the performance is over? What do you do when the lights on your merry-go-round go off? 

This is even something I myself am having to look at in my own life. Merry-go-rounds are very comfortable. They are easy to get on but getting off is a challenge; a daily active decision to get up and move because if you do not then your show will go on. Your life will be wasted because of choosing the show over choosing your life.

This thought came to me and now I am sharing it with you. Take a look at if you are on a merry-go-round or not and if you are then charge yourself with getting off. Do not live in your performance because your performance may not be who you really are or even worse, just not real.

The Masked Avenger

Criminal Minds: True Night

Once again, here I go with grossly advertising television programme Criminal Minds. However, once again I must say that I watched another entirely unspeakable episode of Criminal Minds- I jumped straight into season 3; episode 10 titled True Night.

If you haven’t watched it then I highly recommend you do. Basically, just to summarise the episode; a young comic book artist (amazingly drawn by the way) starts to draw these graphically exposed sinister murder scenes of a masked person killing people in certain locations with a samurai sword. However these drawings begin to become a gory reality. The BAU team are sent in to investigate. To cut a long story short, it turns out to be the comic book guy who is drawing the murders then committing them in real time. After experiencing a traumatic event, he went onto to becoming this killer. He and his girlfriend decided to go to the shop to get some beef jerky (as she was hungry) late at night. After purchasing what she wanted, she tells Jonny that she is pregnant and the couple are happy and continue walking. Then they are stopped whilst walking and after hearing the baby news, Jonny proposes to his girlfriend BUT as he pops the question awaiting an answer, they are stopped in their tracks by a gang. The gang mimic the proposal scene and form the traumatic event that causes Jonny to become his NEW identity. They rape his pregnant girlfriend in front of him, making him watch, and then kill her. They then deeply cut Jonny physically wide open in his stomach as well as beating him, leaving him nearly dead.  

You’re probably thinking “who cares” or even better “what’s the hype about”, “what’s my point?” Well let me tell you this my friends… my point is the new identity that is formed… the masked avenger formed to cope with the event. My last blog titled ‘The Alter Ego Doorway’ is pretty much linked to this. I talked about alter personalities formed to help us cope but now this time; the trauma, forget or repression of events mentally can actually form a new identity. The WHAT now becomes known for WHY the mask exists.

We look around in society and a big cry of WHO AM I screams out. Young children trying to the adults, adults acting like kids- we could go on but I won’t lol. Identity seems to be stolen, the confident status quo slowly disappearing from the earth.

Jonny McHale played by actor Frankie Muniz (Malcolm In The Middle) simply went through the most traumatic event of his life. His physical injuries and the complete heartbreak of watching his girlfriend been raped and killed; also losing his unborn FIRST baby left him terribly wounded. His mind started recalling repressed memories little by little of what happened. His clear gifting and talents mentally constructed this masked figure, this masked avenger per say. The one who would go out and stop all the baddies; however there was one big problem. The trauma led to a spree of uncontrollable unforgettable events. When you watch the episode, you will see that it was of no fault of his own but the receiving of no long term psychological help allowed this new identity to form and take control- destroying the very little of Jonny that was left.

In this case repression and forget were tools (branches as you would say) used for helping to construct the masked avenger identity. How long do we go on for repressing and seeking no long term help for our traumatic, repressed events in our lives? Do we create a new identity? If so what identity do we create- the killer, the confident chick, the introvert soul, the loud mouth, Mr. I don’t give a damn, the street slut??? What identity do you own or what identity owns you?

Life throws unspeakable things at us- the very smallest thing like a child leaving home for the first time to go out and experience the big bad world to people committing suicide leaving their partners or loved ones behind with nothing but unspeakable loss and painful precious memories. Regardless of the scale, all these events are BIG to a person in some way, shape or form. The pain these events leave behind can be major and terribly factors draining people physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. But our biggest issue is the mask… what we do to get rid of the memories and emotions? The scariest thing we can sometimes do is HIDE.

Jonny could not face what he went through; he was totally broken. The pain of his ordeal let him mentally create a character that took revenge on the gang members who destroyed his life and took everything away from him- Jonny was avenged; his new character avenged him. However Johnny didn’t realise that the character (mask per say) he created was actually himself- how he really felt.

We obviously take into account the mental and medical state of people when dealing with traumatic events but do we deal with the masked identities constructed to help deal with the pain, with the trauma, with the memories from the event? Just from looking at people throughout society you can clearly see that when people don’t deal with any issue they face, it becomes very evident- the issue becomes them. However my thought is that what identity is created when we don’t deal with issues in our lives. Another example would be the King Of Pop  Michael Jackson– he created Peter Pan (the boy who never grew up and looking into Jackson’s childhood, he never got the chance to be a boy so Peter Pan was an identifiable character for him and so this identity he had taken on in his own life). Even in my blog post entry, Adam formed Amanda to help protect him. This tells us that we construct identities to shell (protect) and hide the real pain- the raw emotions- our true hearts and minds. However the problem becomes when the identity becomes who we are, when really we are not this identity but have created it to help us cope, help us protect or hide the real pain of what happened- the truth.

The only way we can get rid of these masks is by facing the truth, by facing what has made us do this. The truth is ugly (so they say) and everyone is different and what we go through is different. Not everyone can sit and talk to someone and change just like that- the change is not important but the steps towards making the change to help yourself are important and then the change will come. So how do we move? What do I do? 

SEEK HELP, I don’t mean run to the world and tell them your problems but seek the help you need before your mask haunts you.