It Costs To Be Me

‘Being Yourself’ has to be one of the biggest challenges that people face in their lives. The ability to be ourselves from the innocent in age to the fully formed adult the world has come to know. It seems like a never ending conquering wall in which we must climb until we reach the top and shout ‘victory’. Our world, its cultures and societal structures consist of visual imagery and sweet rhetoric forcibly fed to us reinforcing an identity of who we really are.

In growing up we become the lab rat for some weird experiment. A symphony for advertisers in which we sometimes fall in tune with and dance to due to the richness of their beauty. After years of becoming accustomed, captivated and sometimes mind numbingly unchallenging, we too can believe that which has been presented to us is who we really are. Just as if the mirror off the wall were walking hand in hand with us as best friends rather than reflecting our true self. Before you know it it is not until you peel back the layers that what we see underneath can be really quite different.

Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually we are on a journey and this journey is called life. Whether good or bad, life forms and shapes us into who we are today. Health, beauty, education, religion, relationships are just some of these branches which grow from us and form the fruit of their impact on us. Your choices play a big role in this shaping. Situations, circumstances and how we react to them emphasise who we become. Spiderman is a great, even though fictional, character that correlates with this blog post in its intended context. He clearly expresses that it costs to be yourself, your true self. This is very evident in the Spider-Man 2 movie.

Peter Parker was your average typical guy who was raptured in science. His benevolent relationship with his aunt May and Uncle Ben, perplexed relationship with Mary Jane, roller coaster friendship with Harry, scurrilous working relationship with his horrid boss Mr Jameson, unpopular lonely exterior were yet again some of Peter’s branches of life. After his spider bite and transformation into the infamous Spiderman, his life changed including all his branches.

SpiderMan 2
SpiderMan 2

In living and trying to balance two separate lives an internal battle was created. The life of Peter Parker was both drastically and involuntarily changing in order to become Spiderman. All of the branches as spoken about above aided this internal war between Peter Parker and Spiderman. Peter could no longer hold fashion to the demands of Spiderman.  You can not be two people otherwise they will soon collide. Spiderman had a very different branch, he required the soul (mind, will and emotions) of Peter in order to defeat evil and save both the city and people therein. Peter’s soul and therefore his identity were in turmoil and at war on the battlefield. You can not be two people otherwise they will soon collide and one will win; which one is your choice.

SpiderMan 2 shows a season where SpiderMan loses his powers and Peter can once again live. His personal life had become a broken jigsaw puzzle and Peter’s soul was wavering. The heart and desires of Peter were enmity against the requirements of SpiderMan. He makes decisions based on what he wants rather than on that which he was newly becoming as SpiderMan. Some of those decisions prove fatal because it was going to cost Peter something; himself and sometimes we are not ready to count the cost of giving up ourselves.

Downward spiral in powers
Downward spiral in powers
SpiderMan is no more
SpiderMan is no more

To summarise throughout the rest of the film Peter has to make a choice; to live as he used to with a quiet, lonely and uninterrupted life or be the hero he has become because of change in his life. If you have seen the SpiderMan movies or read the comics then you’ll know he chose SpiderMan… but it cost him. I am not saying that he can not or will never be Peter Parker because that is not true but it costs him some of his branches in order to become who is really is.

To be your true self it will cost you something. This could be relationships, friendships, values and morals, jobs, health, beauty, religion, education, wrong thinking patterns, ritualistic behaviour; anything. The branches in our lives can sometimes have damaging effects but who you really are is what the world needs, not a form of you but a true identity. We all go through stages on experimenting and transitioning but if we become the person who we really are we must weigh up our branches and accept the reality that it will require all of us to be ourself.

Sing For Me…

The Phantom of the opera is there, inside my mind…. sing, sing my angel of music…. arrr——- sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me.

The above quote are lyrics taken from the spectacular musical performance of Andrew Lloyd Webber‘s ‘Phantom of the Opera‘ at the Royal Albert Hall for the shows 25th anniversary. What captivated me about these words were the separately sung lines “sing for me” by the five phantoms (John Owen Jones, Ramin Karimloo, Anthony Warlow, Colm Wilkinson and Peter Joback).

Each phantom in reality took it in terms to say the line to show the changing faces of the phantoms through the years but let’s put a whole new spin on this… let’s go all mental. In reality there is only one phantom but what this scene shows if we look at it mentally is that there are many voices. Without going too deep just think back to one event, one moment when you have decided to do something or even been in a situation where your mind has come to realms of exploding because there are many different voices speaking.

Arrr—– sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me.

There is only ONE true voice, only ONE real voice; the others are not.

I recently read Elijah’s story in the Bible when he was threatened by Jezebel and he basically legged it (1Kings 17-19). For those who are or are not familiar with it, in chapter 19 Elijah goes to Mount Sinai and spends the night in a cave. God calls to him asking him what is he doing there and Elijah repeats the same statement summarising he is he only one (a true prophet of God) left and that people are out to kill him like they did the others. So later on in that same chapter there was a major windstorm followed by an earthquake and then a fire. After the fire there was a silent whispher. Does this sound familiar?

You make a decision, there’s soo much drama and thoughts that it is hard to find the right answer. You are planning something and your mind becomes really creative that you have so many thoughts you do not know which idea to use or start with. You read, listen to or watch something and you want to know more but because there are so many different sources and stories you have no idea which one is real or not. Then sometimes you just follow a bubble and believe what you want to believe and pursue it, however it does not always mean it is right.

Arrr—– sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me… arrr—— sing for me.

Just like Christine (the female lead from Phantom of the Opera), you hear many voices that are not real. The “arrr—–” representing you are asking all the questions, finding out things, etc but the “sing for me” representing the many ‘other’ voices you hear allowing you not to be able to hear or think properly, confusion and no mental decision made strong.

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. James 1:8 (King James version).

Even if you do not follow the Bible, this scripture still stands as truth. Let me out it like this, have you ever asked an indecisive person to make a decision? They can not make a decision as they do not stand strong on any one thing. Have you ever made a decision then heard something else and all of a sudden you become confused? You did not solidly stand on your decision otherwise you would not of become confused. See, the scripture still stands as when you are double minded, you can’t stand as there is no solid decision or action made.

This is what makes Elijah’s story great as he couldn’t stand because the same thing he believed was now tested. Where he once stood strong in being a prophet of the real God and speaking against those who were not had become the man who now is running. However after the winds, earthquakes and fire there was a ‘GENTLE WHISPHER‘. With everything else going on, there was still a moment of truth and peace. It is like when they say the eye of the storm is the calmest part. This is the sound we are looking for, the gentle whispher in sound after the storm- in the stress, in the depression, in the suicidal thoughts, in the lust, in the evil thinking… that gentle whispher which is the RIGHT voice. The voice of reasoning, conviction, right morale and TRUTH.

This is the crazy part, finding the gentle whispher/ eye IN the storm. With everything that is going on around us, all the murders, all the lies, all the depression, etc… we can only look to seek the truth and find those who have REAL truth. Whether you know God or not, seeking real truth will bring a peace to your storm.

31 Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;

32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8 (King James version).

The above scripture says Jesus is the truth and his word (the truth) will set you free. I know that many people do not believe in God or Jesus and come from many different belief systems and religions; however I plea you to find real truth in your lives and not to be caught tangled in the ‘other’ voices. Just because you hear a voice it does not mean it is right and you should follow it. This can lead to very damaging consequences in life.