A Written Wilderness

Writing is my inner design. I make words dance on paper with my pen. Their structures form like an unborn child taking shape in the womb. I scribe the letters of the soul and resurrect a story’s voice. Ink just flows from me, it runs through my veins as it knows every part of my vessel.

I can write all day. Emotions become transparent water, the hearts thoughts and motives unveil their true value and the adventure of life begins to unfold before the eyes of the very one reading the script. Writing is not just words, it is HEART.

I write simply because I want to write, it is natural to me. I open the textbook of my heart and flick through the spectacles of its dynamic pages. I am like a kid in a candy store, there is so much to see and choose from but you cannot have everything because it will make you sick. Writing is the same for me. I have floods of ideas that run into an ocean as wide as the Pacific but filtering them down stream is a much more mammoth task.

The world of writing is new to me. Reaching into unknown territory through layering research that some of the world of journalism has not exposed to me has been quite eye consuming. I did not know that there was so much involved. Looking at different types and styles of writing, familiarising myself with writing legends and jobs within writing has been mind trafficking, and that is not covering everything. The realisation of truth when crossing the borders of part of an unfamiliar land can be quite scary but rewarding once momentum has kicked in and the race has begun.

I am concluding that no matter the quantity of your head knowledge or having another tell you of your true potential, it is up to you to tap into your internal nature. As I said in my opening sentence ” writing is my inner design”, I still have to get to grips with the DNA of my writing. I believe and know that God has gifted me with writing but unlocking its totality is my written wilderness.

Wilderness can be denoted as a negative term. We associate it with dry, hot, over-exposed, unbearable and endless pain but we forget that the most important part of any wilderness is the JOURNEY. If we equate wilderness to the realms of a person finding themselves or digging deeper to pull something out of them that is hidden, then wilderness can take on a whole new meaning. We forget that we can still LIVE if we know how.

When I refer to a ‘written wilderness’ I am speaking of the wild, uncultivated writer within me that is yet to take on its full form. This is the part of myself with a gifting that needs to be worked on. You do not just form a new habit in two days, it takes one month to generate as part of a renewal process. It takes time.

 

My point is that I have a journalistic background which helps give me some foundations within writing but my written wilderness will be one of my biggest adventures of unmasking for myself. To live daily, unlocking my writing and where it will take me will be one of the hardest but greatest testimony’s of all time. Bettering my English, expanding my reading catalogue, learning and teaching this to others and many other duties are just a few stepping stones in an estuary. This is one of the greatest times of my life.

Help, advice, tips and wisdom are ALWAYS welcome. I write with the aim of bringing change to people’s lives by giving them a eye check-up through my writing. I must now look into doing this for myself internally,  riding the waves of my own mind. Let the path of excitement unroll.

Is My World Real?

The realm of reality and fantasy are very tainted in today’s world. What is real we cannot or do not want to accept and what is fictional feels so real that we sometimes become greatly entangled and lost in its false reality.

Recently at work I was able to assess the film ‘Shutter Island‘. I have watched this film several times and thoroughly enjoyed it but after assessing it at work it created a new line of mental thought processing for me.  I saw the film in a new light, the truth about DECEPTION.

Due to a traumatic past event, Teddy Daniels (played by actor Leonardo DiCaprio), created an alternative reality in which acted as a coping mechanism to help him suppress what had really happened. He had a new identity and story (life), both of which completely overshadowed what really was. Without giving too much away and to keep focus, this fantasy lasted for two years; his own personal lie became his reality.

If we pause for a minute and really digest those last two sentences we would really see how dangerous deception really is. It took several psychiatrists, doctors and nurses to break the deception Teddy had built for himself in his mind. Everything he once knew had become nothing but a caged memory. The fortress of deception mentally told Teddy that his lie was real because Teddy was unable to come to terms and deal with the truth. Can you imagine that, an event traumatises you so severely that you create a lie so real that you really believe it? I must admit that I find that really scary. The line between reality and fantasy completely disappearing is a scary thought.

Shutter Island is just a film but the story it portrays is very real. We can sometimes get so caught up in a lie, in make-believe that we lose sight of what is real. Living in a lie is so much easier than facing the truth. The longer we stay asleep in the lie the harder it becomes to wake up to the truth. However as the film progresses we see that those who helped Teddy were able to ‘wake him up’. Just a side thought here, Teddy was dreaming for two years, imagine how it would be if it were longer?

Neo from ‘The Matrix‘ woke up because the world he was living in was not real to him anymore; there was something more. However when faced with the truth even he had to make choice to stay awake (reality) or go back to sleep (the lie).

The Matrix- Blue pill or Red pill

In order to stay awake we must choose to accept the truth; not part of it but all of it. Once we have accepted the truth we must face it; the situations, person(s), emotions or circumstances in order to find healing and freedom. The most important part that most of us forget is that we must fill the hole in our hearts and minds where the lie once lived. There not only has to be truth accepted and renewed on a daily basis in our lives but there must also be hope; a hope of something new or better than that which previously was.

The journey and fight to stay in truth is a constant battle. The lie will always try to creep back in; especially when we are progressing or in the middle of the process of recovery. We must find genuine hope, strength, vision as well as want, face and accept truth on a daily basis during this process.

If we do not face and walk through what we need to on this recovery journey then we will be in danger of returning to the lie that once captivated and moulded us into that which is not real.

 

 

Deep Desire

Gollum from Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit is a fascinating character. His transformation from Smeagol to Gollum through his journey of corruption, deception and covetousness all because of one thing… a ring… a DEEP DESIRE.

Most of us know the journey of Gollum from Lord of the Rings. To summarise this in relation to my blog post; Gollum finds a ring created by the evil dark Lord Sauron which he created to rule over all the other rings of power and ultimately all of Middle Earth. This ring attracts all by causing them to yearn and desire it, the power it holds to rule and live selfishly. This ‘wanting’ is what ultimately led to Gollum’s demise and is something that I want to relate to real life; deep desires.

1. Smeagol

2. Transformation Process

3. Gollum

The Latin word for desire is dēsīderāre which means to long for, desire, feel the want of, miss or regret. Desires are something that all humanity have. As created beings we always need or long for something; whether it be a person, food, drink, money, knowledge, material goods or even power just to consider a few examples; we want something. Dating back to Biblical context even the very first human, Adam, needed something and God gave him Eve (Geneis 2:18-25).

Wanting or needing something is not bad as that is part of life but when you begin to covet, this becomes another issue as you begin to worship that which you eagerly seek.

James 1: 13-15

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin;and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. (NIV)

To summarise the above Biblical reading it states that God does not tempt us but we are tempted by our own evil desires. Temptation speaks of enticing or alluring to do something often seen as unwise, wrong or immoral (Dictionary.com); and within the scripture is connected to our own personal desires. Let me just add that I am not saying all desires are wrong but those which we know are wrong but to continue to go after are the ones I am referring to. These desires give birth to sin (that which is wrong in God’s eyes) and eventually leads to death. The ring was evil and Gollum was attracted by the evil of the ring as was Eve being attracted to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the garden of Eden (Genesis 3); not by might but now by personal interest; now what we call man’s nature. Does this sound familiar to you? Whether you are Christian or not the above Biblical principal stands as we can all relate to wanting things that are not good for us and them leading us down the wrong path in life.

Psalm 42:1

As the hart pants after the water brooks, so pants my soul after you, O God. (KJV)

I think we can relate to this within a broader context. As a dear thirsts for water, the psalmists soul pants to God. In our world this speaks to our desires going deeper than we think but actually our SOUL wanting these things. To pant is to breathe hard and quickly, to gasp for air or to long something with breathless or intense eagerness; yearn (Dictionary.com). When you want something and are enticed by it enough, you will go after it at any cost. The desire has been fed and the slavery has begun… the habitual habit has formed. It becomes something you worship. Dan Blythe from Hillsong church ministered a message a while ago about worship and taught on what worship was. However in the message he spoke about addictions and how we do not have addictions but we have a worship problem. When we continually desire after something that is wrong we enter into coveting after it and that now is something we worship as it is all we want; which is what you can see happened to Gollum.

Romans 5:12-21 talks about the differences between Adam and Christ in nature and act. When Adam and Eve sinned against God (did wrong in Gods eyes- Genesis 3) then every other human being did by default, sin became human nature and something we were born into (Psalm 51:5) but Christ was the opposite. Isn’t it interesting that Eve was the first to experience covetousness…

And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. Genesis 3:6 KJV

Believe me my friend you are not the first or the only person in the world to have desired something which you know is wrong. Eve desired to know more eve when she was told not to eat of this particular tree in the garden, the mythical beings from Lord of the Rings desired the power of the ring to rule man and do as they pleased, even Paul felt the battle between wanting to do right whilst still yearning to do that which he knew was wrong.

Romans 7:14-20

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.^c For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. (NIV)

Simply take a look at humanity today; we desire what feeds us, what feeds our souls whether right or wrong. Craving and yearning for something so much that it nearly destroys you mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually. Have you ever just needed to get that quick fix again; to have what you once had, never had or what someone else has because of that yearning and deep attraction pull inside your inner self? This is exactly what happened to Gollum. Even though the ring attracts life, Gollum moved into the state of coveting after the ring as it now became the very thing he wanted at no cost. He deceived Frodo and Sam, almost killing them in order to have the ring to himself. To covet is to wrongfully desire something with no regard to others or eagerly wish for something- Dictionary.com (notice this is different to hope as it causes you to take action into your own hands in an incorrect manner). It is a selfish act of obtaining ones own desire.

Luke 12:34

Your heart will be where your treasure is. (God’s Word Translation)

Desires are connected to our minds and hearts. As they are things we want they connect, react and pull on what is already in us. Emotions follow these and the thought, life and energy we give to them in our hearts and minds determine the impact of the impulses we act on. For instance once Gollum had the ring he wanted it so much that he did all he could to get it, even murder. When a drug abuser has had that all time high they want it again and again and again. When someone loves sex they want it more and more and more. Your appetite for what you desire has to be fed regardless of the consequences, the habit must meet the desire.

Romans 8:12-14

So don’t you see that we don’t owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There’s nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! (MSG version)

You don’t have to do what you want to do. You have a choice to not do what you want to do but it takes a lot of will power to not do so. However when you have become a slave to a habit then the breaking away from it is not so easy. We turn to what we think will help break these habits; prayer, counsellors, rehab groups but when we keep failing to break away from giving into these evil desires we can fall into giving into them and no longer fighting their sting.

Romans 1:28

Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. (NIV)

When we give up the battle and power to fight against what is wrong, we can make the mistake of giving into it; surrendering to it. If you are a Christian then we are to acknowledge God and invite him into the situation. For those who do not follow Christianity then this principle still applies; not necessarily by inviting God in depending on what you believe but there is that need to share or tell someone so you can get help. When you feel defeated or give up on fighting against the wrong desire then you will eventually give into it, as so for Christians when God will give them over unto their own evil desires.

I am not saying that you must convert to Christianity but what I am saying is that deeply re-think about what you have become accustomed to worshipping. What habits have enslaved you because of being enticed time and time again to your wrongful desires. Pastor Michael from New Nation Destiny Centre  shared a brief word about not feeding the wrong seed, feeding the wrong thing. To summarise it was about making sure we feed what is right and not what is wrong. When the church was in trouble Paul would always use the word ‘urge’ as an expression of his love and yearning for the people to re-consider and change their ways before it was too late. Seek good advice, counsel and even turn to prayer as prayer is not just for a select nation on getting out of your worship problem.

Desires are not wrong but when you become enticed by the wrong desires and covet after them you will eventually die; whether this be physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally. T.D Jakes used the expression “spiritually rejuvenated but emotionally handicapped”. Don’t think you can control something when you are enslaved to it, recognise it has a hold over you and turn to the right source in order to deal with it and break its hold over you. Don’t allow your evil desires to run untamed, control you and cause death. Learn from Frodo and fight against the wrong desire with the help of others rather than give into it and have no one like Gollum. Let Gollum be a reality of what your future will be if you do not control the wrong deep desires within you.

Also read: The Analogy of the Ring, a great blog post via The Analogous Truth which I found in relation to Gollum and addictions.