Have you died in your past?

I’ve become lost in my films again people! This time it’s Me Before You (stunning book and screenplay written by Jojo Moyes and film directed by Thea Sharrock). Such a beautiful, realism romance story – a real tear-jerker. I really wish I could get lost in this element… can you feel the “but” coming? BUT, I actually learned something quite interesting in such a short space of time. Whether I have fully accepted and processed it is another story, but I want to share the thought with you. I ask you this simple question;

Come and take a walk with me…

The above question was internally posed to me when I had suddenly become drawn to a specific scene of the film. Towards the end, whilst on the beach at night, Louise pours her heart out about how she feels and what the future can hold for herself and William.

Louise sharing her heart with Will

 

 

“Listen, I know this is not how you would have chosen it, but I can make you happy.” – Louise 

 

 

Lou was so happy because she thought she changed Will’s decision to live. It was in this moment when the question began to knock hard on the door of my heart. Will said;

Will telling Louise “no.”

 

“No, no Clark. I get that this could be a good life, but it’s not my life. It’s not even close. You never saw me before. I loved my life. I really loved it…” – Will

 

 

 

No matter how much life had changed for Will; for the better in the last six months, he still wanted to end his life. I want us to remove Will’s story and replace it with our own, our own life. Again, I ask you; “Have you died in your past?”

Will could not face the fact that his life had changed because he died in his old life. After his accident, Will became a different person due to circumstances. He missed the life he used to live and who he used to be in that life. I know I’m not the only person in the world to think “gosh, I miss my past.” We all have our “I miss…” moments. Times when we think about something from our past: a trip or holiday, friends and family where relationships have changed, jobs or career choices, when we made a stupid decision, when we danced or sung, when we had a favourite film or television programme, when we cried in the bathroom, when we got drunk or smoked, when we went clubbing; etc. We’re only human, we miss things from time-to-time, it’s normal. Missing a part of our past is not a problem, but if you have died in that past moment, there is a problem as your present is infected and your future is being affected.

I want you to understand that there is a difference between dying in your past and dying to your past.

1. Dying in your past is when a situation or circumstance has affected you so much that you cannot let go and you died with it. When something similar presents itself, you react the same as you did before or become numb because you never really dealt with it. It means you died in the past and are not; or struggling, to live in the present. You haven’t let go.
2. Dying to your past is accepting that a situation or circumstance changed you, but when it presents itself in the present, you respond differently because you accepted and began, or did deal with it. It means you are or have moved on.

For Will, it was a motorbike accident leaving him disabled from the neck down with other health problems, that caused him to not see a better future outside of his past. He just couldn’t see anymore, no matter how good his present had become and great his future really was. I ask you another question; “What was your accident?”

What crippled you? (metaphorically speaking). What is it that has left you dying? What was the situation, circumstance or person that left you dead? What past moment can you not see beyond? This could be mentally, spiritually, physically or emotionally. We are all individuals and our accidents will be different to each of us. Rhetorical questions are always the most uncomfortable because if you let yourself speak to yourself, you find out what is really inside of you, what you really believe and think.

Thinking of your own story, do not be afraid to find life again in your present. Your future can be great if you will die to your past and not die in your past. Miss the memories and don’t die in them. If you have, I’m here to let you know that there is a different way. You can live again! It might be hard but there is always hope. Ask yourself the rhetorical questions above and ultimately answer the title of this blog post. Find good, wise counsel in people. Seek good advice and find life again. Take baby steps that build heart again, encourage you to see and live again. IT IS POSSIBLE!

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Even though Will chose not to live, in the last six months of his life he actually lived in the present moment. He changed Lou’s future even though he couldn’t change his own. The film shows that you can live if you will just go through the process of being changed, coming out of your past and seeing life; not death, in your future NO MATTER what the circumstances or situations.

Be free from your past, awake in your present and alive for your future. 

 

 

 

Spiritual Dysmorphia

My mind has been running its usual mental marathon, trying to think of a simple analogy to describe an internal spiritual  condition of humanity.

Between 4-5AM of Monday morning, the answer finally came to me… Body Dysmorphia. Random right? However, for the purposes of this blog post I will be using this to describe what I am talking about.

Body Dysmorphia (BDD) is “an anxiety disorder that causes a person to have a distorted view of how they look and to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance.” – NHS definition.

It consists of distressing thoughts about the self (body image) that do not go away. They become negative and are very impactful on an individual’s daily life. A person suffering from it believes they are ugly or defective in some way, and believe other people perceive them the same way. It is very focussed on the ‘external,’ but from an internal perspective.

It is no respecter of persons; affecting both males and females of different ages. It affects many people all over the world and is often hidden by those who struggle with it. More info.

Even though this blog post is not about BDD, this was the answer I was given. I was thinking to myself “why would Body Dysmorphia be the answer I am looking for to describe an internal concept?” The image that followed that question was a woman standing in front of a mirror, and her reflection looking back was very warped.

What Do You See?

I want you to consider something from a spiritual perspective. When using the word ‘spiritual,’ in this context I am referring to something “relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul, as opposed to material or physical things.” – Google definition. I am referring to the internal, not the external.

BDD causes an ugly image to be reflected back, when in reality the true image is different. This is where I flip the script. If we reverse BDD to a spiritual point of view (focussing on the warped reflection looking back – seeing the inside and ignoring the outside), my question to you is: IS THE UGLY, DEFORMED, WARPED PERSON IN YOUR REFLECTION REALLY YOU? This is something I have coined as Spiritual Dysmorphia.

Rather than automatically saying “no” because the outside looks fine, and you may be functioning well – everything is going good for you; no problems or you don’t sense or see any, really have a long look at the warped reflection. Bless God if it’s not true, but the problem is WHEN IT IS TRUE.

Your reflection in this context is who you are as a person: what you do, what you don’t do, your attitude (way of thinking) towards yourself and others, your behaviour in terms of how you treat yourself and others, how you generally think about things, your words and thoughts; etc. Spiritual Dysmorphia is all about the internal; what physically cannot be seen but internally exists under the surface.

Another way to think of Spiritual Dysmorphia is through the Disney Character ‘Beast‘ from Beauty and the Beast.

The Beast

The Beast was externally beautiful but internally ugly: his nature and character were horrible, his heart and mind were ugly too. He was cursed by becoming as ugly externally as he was internally.

“Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.” – Mark 7:15 (New International Version).

“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” – Proverbs 27:19 (New Living Translation).

What is inside of you will eventually leak out. Spiritual Dysmorphia asks you to look at the true state of your internal nature and character. It asks you to check the state and condition of your heart. What is really going on in your spirit and soul? It asks you to question what you are portraying and producing. It requires you to go deeper into the reflection and deal with what it TRULY seen. If left unchecked or sitting in deception, it will crush you, your life and others around you.

Paul from the Bible and Robert Louis Stevenson (author of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde,) are two of my favourite people. They understood the dual nature of humanity – Paul describing it as spirit and flesh (the fight against good and doing what God wants, or bad and doing as ‘me, myself and I’ wants with no care or desire for God as your will is stronger) from a Christian point of view, and Robert describing it as “man is not truly one, but two,” from a novelists’ perspective.

I wanted to highlight this condition as anyone can easily fall into it. There is such a focus on the external when the true issue is our internal nature and character – our heart and mind. What we need to consider is what is really inside us.

It is hard to acknowledge all of ourselves at times, we would like to leave out the bad. But don’t be fooled by believing that you may be ‘all good’ when you may not be, or as Paul would deem as fleshy (acting in your own accord, understanding, will, desires, heart, mind, etc).

Sometimes we can be ignorant to the ugly reflection staring back at us, and sometimes we can be very aware of it. Once revealed to us, we are responsible for what we know and have the chance to change. When we are mature, there is more responsibility and accountability given to us. The problem becomes when we do not seek to change or transform our warped reflection.

“True ignorance is not the absence of knowledge, but the refusal to acquire it.” – Karl Popper.

The Bible speaks a lot about examining yourself (checking yourself). It is important to check yourself for Spiritual Dysmorphia. Praying, reading, observing, reviewing our thoughts, watching your actions and motives – the intents of the heart; etc.

“After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief—we’re not oblivious to his sly ways!” –2Corinthians 2:11 (The Message Version).

Do not think that you can never be untouched by Spiritual Dysmorphia. Ignorance or pride un-noticed is not bliss.

Choose to take a look today and ponder your reflection. The great thing is that there is always an opportunity to change the deformity. Just remember: Your inside is much more important than your outside.

 

 

 

Man’s Masks

I don’t know whether you have seen it or not, but there is an episode called ‘The Haunted Mask‘, in R. L Stine’s  collection; Goosebumps.

When this was turned into a television series, I used to watch this episode several times as a child. To summarise the story, it is halloween and everyone is going trick or treating. Carly Beth is looking for a mask, but cannot find one she loves. She goes to a certain mask shop and sees a room full of them, but the shopkeeper forbids selling these specific masks. She steals the scariest mask and wears it. Over time, the mask becomes harder to take off. She, literally, bonds with the mask; changing who she is.

Here lies my interest… one simple question I ask you… What Mask Do You Wear? As a society constantly split between two choices, two decisions; two ways, at what point do we pick up masks that are not who we really are?

As Carly Beth put on the mask, she took on a new persona; a new personality. She became mean and had evil intents in her mind and heart. Her nature began to change. Masks conceal who we are, both in a good (but not the long run, in order to show us something better ) and bad way.

Humanity has many masks, but I will only name a few. Do you hide under the mask of pride, thinking you know it all and are not willing or open to hear any other truths? Is it the mask of fear, completely stopping you from achieving any goal or moving forward? Is it the mask of low self esteem, hiding internally because of not being sure of how you will be perceived or are uncertain of things? Maybe it’s the mask of rejection, thinking inaccurately based upon a feeling and doing things in order to be accepted by a particular people or person? Others include rage, frustration, anger, lust, being two faced, envy, jealousy, etc… there are many!

People either ignorantly walk in masks, having acquired them over the years for various reasons, or choose to put them on. Either way, as there is a mask on, we will ultimately manifest and walk in it.  They first affect our mind, infiltrating into our heart and then we begin to physically manifest them.

Sometimes life puts masks on you and other times people put masks on you through their behaviours or words, either way we wear masks. Things aren’t all bad and we can be real… WE HAVE A CHOICE OF WHETHER WE WEAR A MASK OR NOT.

Carly Beth came to a point of internal conflict. How she used to be, a good and sweet girl, she could not see that this side of her turned evil with the mask on. Spiderman in the film Spiderman 3 also realised that his nice nature changed when he wore the black Venom suite. Carly Beth and Spiderman are in the same boat of wearing something that is not really them.

This is where there is hope and it is found in ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. Acknowledgement is simply recognition (identify something seen, heard, known, etc) of the existence or of the truth of something (Dictionary.com). Truth is a fact or a reality that someone/thing becomes conformed to (Dictionary.com).

Carly Beth acknowledged THE TRUTH that this mean nature was not her, but it was actually the mask she wore. Spiderman acknowledged THE TRUTH when he saw that the proud and unapologetic behaviour and speech he manifested was not him; but the suite he wore. They acknowledged their masks with truth. They also acknowledged that this wasn’t who they wanted to be. This is key because this will determine whether you choose to lay down your mask or not.

When we acknowledge truth the process of taking off the mask can be painful. We are naked but we dare not be ashamed. It is hard to peel off the years of masks, the residue they leave can be scary but IT CAN BE DONE over time and the cost of going through the process to remove them is worth it.

We MUST present ourselves with truth daily. We must acknowledge and depict the thoughts in our minds, the intents of our hearts and the sound released from our mouths. The only way you break free from any mask is first to acknowledge it and then daily choose to put it down. Find truth and stick to it. Walk with those who walk in truth too. Sometimes it can be hard to see and accept truth, especially when we ourselves are exposed, but we must in order to not be deceived.

Carly Beth returned to who she really was. Spiderman became who he originally was. They had to deal with the consequences of the masks, but they were ultimately restored to their original natures. Just like any rehab treatment or recovery process, it will take time but with the right help and company of people, the only mask we wear is who we were originally created to be.

Relaying this to us today, will we choose to become who we really are or will we continue to put on man’s masks? You have a choice.

I leave you with a simple thought. To paraphrase Stasi and John Eldredge, we are always becoming something and God is concerned with what we are becoming. Ask yourself if who you are is REALLY who you are…

Come Correct

Like any well oiled machine, we all need maintaining. Regardless of age, religion, culture or race, we seem to have a common issue; CORRECTION.

We live in a society where rebellion, disobedience and lawlessness lives. We don’t always listen, we don’t always follow instruction, we feel we have to have an answer for everything. We don’t like being told what to do, and even shun people who put us on the right path because of this little thing called correction.

Correct means: to set or make true, accurate, or right; remove the errors or faults from, to point out or mark the errors in, to scold, rebuke, or punish in order to improve.

Correction disciplines us (training to act in accordance with rules).

Correction is quite the taboo subject these days. If we are truly honest with ourselves we secretly hate being wrong. That little monster on the inside of us can raise up at the first sign of thinking we know better when we may actually not. That little ounce of pride oozes inside us, which either causes us to run from the truth or take it in order to grow from it.

Correction has two routes in your life dependant upon your attitude (how you think). It will either be your friend and mature you, or you will make it your enemy and eventually self destruct.

A short while back I wrote a post called An Untouchable Nature. It was about having an unbreakable nature, for better or worse.

Correction is the rod that breaks an untouchable nature. Correction re-shapes what can be touched, which is why you must have a teachable spirit/ nature.

You must allow yourself to become pliable. Not only to have the ability to learn or re-learn but to also be able to sustain it, THIS is the growing agent needed for correction to continue throughout your life. You have to be open to being teachable (capable of being instructed).

Responsibility and accountability must be your allies.

Whatever you correct must first be dealt with within yourself.

Matthew 7:3-5: Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

It is so easy to point out another mans fault but the true challenge is to point out your own. I do not mean in terms of self esteem, but in terms of truth.

A man (universal context) will never hear you or take heed of correction from you if he sees the behaviour of that same seed which you are correcting him with, on the inside of you.

You cannot correct what is not corrected inside of yourself first.

Mark 4:24 and Luke 8:18 speak of WATCHING HOW YOU HEAR. If you hear correction and do not take it, you have not heard it but you have listened to it. There is a difference between hearing (to learn by the ear or being told by) and listening (give attention with the ear).

Just because you have heard someone say something it does not mean that you have taken it on board. The difference is the decision we personally make on whether we act or not upon that which we have just heard.

You have to hear what is being said, as to whether you agree or not in truth rather than emotion. This is why you must be teachable as you have to be able to hear what is being said, weigh it up as to whether there is truth in it or not, and then act accordingly mentally, spiritually and physically.

Romans 12:2- And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

We must change the way we think about correction. To be put right, regardless of how we feel, is actually a good thing. It is better to be blessed for having a good character that has been forged by correction in life, than a character that stinks of pride and rebellion.

Why let pride have its perfect way in you? To be wise (having the power of discerning and judging properly as to what is true or right; possessing discernment, judgment, or discretion) is far better than a wounded ego.

We are familiar with the phrase YOLO (you only live once). So why not hear, take on board and make positive changes in a world that needs it.

Proverbs 1: 1-7- To know wisdom and instruction, To discern the sayings of understanding, To receive instruction in wise behaviour, Righteousness, justice and equity; To give prudence to the naive, To the youth knowledge and discretion, A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel, To understand a proverb and a figure, The words of the wise and their riddles. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Correction makes a person wise because they learn from situations and circumstances.

Hebrews 12:6 and Revelation 3:19 speak of God correcting those he loves. Why should we on earth be any different?

Don’t be afraid or deluded by not wanting to be corrected. You will be gifted by it in the end.

Title Without Character

WHO we are is a powerful statement. How we act, think and feel speak of who we are as a people. They narrate our character.

In life we are on our individual journeys of BECOMING who we are as people. Whether this be spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, in our careers and jobs, tastes of music, education, etc, we are in a process. Our characters are forming.

We can become in danger of wanting things but not developing the character that will allow us to sustain that which we want. Simba from The Lion King is a great example of this.

Simba was the son of King Mufasa, and was the next rightful heir to the throne.  He was very sure of himself knowing that he was born into royalty, he knew who his father was, and he knew that one day he would be king and rule over the other lions and the lands.

At this point in time Simba was only a child, maturity had not yet kindled itself within him. He acted how he thought.

Simba had what we would call in today’s society, an under-developed character. Due to what he knew, he thought that his present tense character was enough to sustain him as king.

Even though he was destined to be king, he had not yet formed the character necessary to be a good king. He wanted the title but didn’t have the character.

A title is something descriptive or distinctive that belongs to someone. Simba’s title was king, but for us it could be marriage, business, a relationship, car, house, job/ new job, head of a department, career, education, money, etc.

When we put character to title within this context, it changes everything.

Definition of character: The aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing.

Simba was always destined to be king, that was never going to change. However, he had to go through a process to develop his character.

He had to change his mind so that his true character could be formed. We have to move from a knowing, into being.

The rest of the film shows how Simba’s character changed before he finally became the king he was meant to be.

If he did not go through the necessary process then he never would of developed the character that allowed him to be a good king.

We, as a people, are no different to Simba. No matter who we are or what we do, we MUST develop good character. We must go through training that will shape our characters, so that no matter where we are WE KNOW WHO WE ARE.

We must always be developing our characters. These traits and features we have will then sustain us in what we do. Our values, standards, attitude, and vision cannot be tinted because our character has been forged in the fire.

Character development cannot be cheated. Your external will always show your internal. If good character is not there then it will eventually show.

Having a title or being given a title, in the context stated earlier,  and developing good character alongside it is fine. The problem is being given or wanting titles and not developing good character.

Do not cheat yourself out of the character process. When you go through things, see the process of character through it.

There is no use in having a great future if your character does not match it.

Do not forfeit your character or take on a title with a premature character. We must check ourselves, our characters to see what we are being made of. Development is key.

A Present Problem

As a people we have both healthy and unhealthy obsessions with our past and our future.

Our past speaks of situations and circumstances that we have been through and may still keep or have kept us captive for a long time. They have hit our physical, emotional and spiritual states, being reason for why they are impacting. Our past forms of things which have or we have allowed to hit the very core of who we are, being reason to why we find it hard to let go of certain things and allow ourselves to become or stay chained to what has happened and what once was.

The future on the other hand can be similar but contrary. Rather than being chained to what happened, we are chained to what can be. Our future speaks of the unknown, a scary place for the human species. We obsess and have cautious anxieties and deep fears over who we will become, what we will do and how we will be and live. These fears and anxieties can often cause us to resist or relapse on what we can be in life and what we can do.

The only problem with this double sided coin of past and future is that it misses one key element, the present. We always speak about our past, how we should let things go and not become a slave to our past. Also the future in terms of striving to be your best so your future can be bright and successful. Of course, there is nothing wrong with this but we never seem to concern ourselves with our present, the ‘now.’

We believe that our past and future hold the key to our lives but I believe that it is your present that holds the key to your life. This thought has been running through my mind since the start of the new year. Our past and future can hinder us but our present can stop us.

What exactly do I mean by this? Let me put things into a different perspective. We live in the present, surviving our past regardless of what we have been through and where we have come from, and making way for walking into our future. However your present is the now you that is living. Your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual state are what cause you to stay locked in your past or dead to your future. A glimpse of our future gives us hope and the letting go of our past allows us to become free, but our present must ‘see’ and ‘walk’ this out in the now.

No matter what happened in your past or how prospering your future is, if your present self is not mentally, physically, spiritually or emotionally right, making the right decisions or walking in the right direction, it can and will abort who you really are and all you will become. What you submit yourself to you will become. This is why our present and now self must be in a constant state of renewal, healing and rebuilding, otherwise it will stop us from breaking away from our past and put glass in front of our future, only allowing us to see what could of been.

Let’s get our minds and hearts right from 2016 onwards. Let us find ourselves in these constant states of renewal, healing and rebuilding. Our present self must be free and making the right decisions that enable us to be free from our past and able to achieve and bring life to our future. Even as we have entered into this new year with new hopes, desires and goals to accomplish, let us also think about what our present state is allowing us to become.