I haven’t blogged in a while. For over two months to be precise. I haven’t blogged simply because I have reached the writer’s epiphany… shall I continue writing?
I have been a writer for most of my life, within some sort of capacity. Whether it is writing academically in education, as a journalist, a creative writer, editor, or even teaching creative writing, I AM a writer. It is who I am and I have accepted that. This is very important for all us writer’s to accept. Not that we think we are writer’s, but we know that we ARE writer’s. It has to be an absolute conclusion within us. However, this does not make the ‘becoming’ process as a writer any easier.
The word Become is defined as:
‘Begin to be, grow to be, develop into, qualify or be accepted as, be appropriate to someone.’
(Oxford dictionary)
In order to become something, you must first partake in a process. This process is a set of life lessons which include: training, attitude adjustment (mental, physical, emotional and spiritual), perseverance, value making and re-evaluating, networking (events and people), having a statement or personal reason for writing, learning what type of writer you are, what you want and enjoy writing about, how you want to write; basically, a system of different actions and/ or steps that will allow you to achieve a specific goal and / or achievement.
I am 27-years-old, and have been writing since I was 11. I have undergone both industry and academic training- and still doing so, to become a writer. Work placements, theories… you name it, I’m learning it.
The process has been both eye-opening and challenging over the years. Even though I am a writer, my progress has hit the wall of perseverance.
Perseverance is defined as:
‘Steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.’
It is the stage of continuing to press and keep going, regardless of how things are, or look. At this stage a writer can grow in or experience deflation, defeat, discouragement, anger and frustration, and these are just a few to note down.
Writer’s struggle with their own personal demons everyday, as everyone in their profession does, concerning their work.
‘Am I good enough? Is my work good? I am not sure I can do this? Nobody is reading my work. It’s not getting anywhere. Their work is better than mine. This is hard. What’s the point?’
Self doubt upon our identity leaves its cruel mark ingrained on writer’s at times. Constant questions are thrown at us and our work daily. BUT… when the question becomes ‘shall I continue?,‘ any writer is in for trouble as it is a crossroads. The choice could go either way… it could be lethal.
I can’t remember the last time I wrote something and felt true passion or joy. I can’t remember the last time writing infused my bones, causing me to keep writing. I don’t desire sympathy from your part. I simply wish to express the reality of a writer’s mind at times.
I’m running on auto-pilot because it’s my gift. It is something that I was partly created for here on Earth. However, this is merely not enough to keep on writing. And this is how I know that I have reached this question.
This is the stage where I am at in my process… shall I continue? A question only you can ask yourself and find the answer to. No, this does not mean that I have given up. No, this does not mean that I will no longer write or have anything to do with writing. No, this does not mean I am being negative. Can I be real with you, if only for a moment? YES, it means I have become tired.
Mental tiredness mixed with very little manifestation of your gift; given, abused or received, can make any person tired. A tired writer is a writer re-thinking his or her thinking and work… a time of returning back to the drawing board… the original vision.
I have always wrote for one purpose and one purpose only… to challenge the mindset and bring change. But when that purpose is not reaching what you expect it to, you can begin to grow weary. To become weary simply means to be mentally and physically tired (exhausted) by hard work or strain.
Now you see why a writer experiences a variety of emotions at this stage. Each emotion possibly triggering their final decision and choice of whether they continue, or pursue something else.
In order for me to move from this place, I must revisit the vision. I must revisit the purpose birthed inside of me… my writer’s DNA must be refocussed. My mind and strength must be re-evaluated.
Yes I will write. Yes I will edit. Yes I will teach and help others. Just because I am tired, it holds no excuse to stop being who I am… a writer. Perseverance is a steady pace. And this is the pace I have to readjust whilst revisiting the vision.
I must find my origin of writing… my passion. I must find the love of picking up my pen again and bringing the words on the paper alive. I must find that place when I sit on my laptop and fiercely type until my stories dance around me. Operating naturally out of my gift is not enough. I must find the source of my writing… the thing that I have lost. The joy I once had because of my own mindset and what I have let others crush within me. To write is more than a gift, more than something I have learned… IT IS NOW SOMETHING I MUST FULLY BECOME.
Taking a step back and looking at the vision does not make any writer a failure. It allows them to re-build and re-train, coming back with a bigger zeal and passion for the thing that they are… writing.
To those who are weary in the writing process… make 2017 the start of your ‘becoming’ process. The process takes years, even a lifetime. Find the courage to become all that you are… WRITER’S. Immerse yourself in writing. Stay in the writer’s process of becoming. Paint the world with the voice of your words. Make it come alive again. Give it something to hope for again. Become consumed by writing, internally and externally. We writer’s are great storytellers… we cannot afford to lose our voice now. We can’t stop now. Find whatever wall you are facing, and knock it down.
Stay in the writer’s process. Persevere with me and I will persevere with you.
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