This is an interesting time in life for me. My early twenty’s, the glorious age of 23. I finished university roughly three years ago with an BA (Hons) degreee in Media and Communications (Journalism) and now I am currently working in the media as a media researcher.
From the age of 11 I said “I want to be a journalist”. I have never known why or can even give a reason even today, it was just always set in my mind; that is what I wanted to be. Since then I followed that pathway; Media Studies GCSE, Media Studies A-Level and then onto my degree. In reality I have achieved my goal of becoming a journalist, well the paper doumented side of jounalism anyway. I followed my decision and have the relevant skills and paper work to be a journalist.
However in my final year of university my heart shifted, I had a sudden change of mind. I remember being in one of my modules and suddenly I thought “I don’t want to do this anymore”. Was it all in my head? Was my mind speaking or was it my heart? That is still the question I cannot answer not even today.
Now I am sitting here three years later and still cannot answer that very question. For twelve years I always knew what I wanted to be career-wise. Well there was one time where I thought I wanted to be a councellor but after doing A-Level Psychology I quickly changed my mind so that cleared that up. Moving back to the story; three years after my degree I have no idea what I want to be.
Do I want to be a journalist? Do I want to be in the media? How can one instant thought change my twelve year love with media? I cannot even answer that question and being a logical person that is quite frustrating. I spent twelves years finalising my young child dream and now it has blown up in my face. Can passions and dreams just change like that?
All the time I was in university I never thought about what happens if I do not want to be in journalism or even the media anymore; what are my other choices? I never created a plan B even though I minored in web/design and have the skills of Psychology and English Language behind me. It is not totally like I have no other options but the problem is vision.
The Bible says “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” (Proverbs 29:18– KJV). What I love about this scripture is the first statement “Where there is no vision, the people perish…”. I could break this down lingusitically and even decode it through textual analysis but since I love that we could be here all day (and night), so let’s not go there for now. My main and only point is NO VISION. This scripture mentally and emotionally describes my standstill in life at this present time. That one thought back in university has now, three years later, led me to have no vision. No vision for journalism and even worse; no vision for media.
I am reminded of a scene from my favourite Marvel character Thor. In the film there is a scene where he and Dr. Selvig and Thor go to a bar and Thor states that this is the first time where he does not know what he is to do. I love it! That is very much me right about now. I used to know what I wanted to do but now I do not.
This is the reason for this article, even the title of this article “On the hamster’s wheeel”. The concept of a hamster going around and around; going nowhere. The concept of being lost and stuck; a bit like Neo in ‘The Matrix’ or the children of Israel wondering aroud in the wilderness for 40 years (books of Exodus and Deuteronomy in the Bible) and even Thor in my previous paragraph. These are just a few examples that express how I feel about my career at this moment in time. I am a visual learner so visuals speak a language to me.
I think I need to definitely take some time out and reflect on ‘my vision’. Learn to depict, understand and re-work my passions, dreams and work on some goals that I have lost over the last two-three years. Habbakuk 2:2 quotes “And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain on tables, that he may run that reads it.” (American KJV). My emphasis in particular being in the key words “write the vision…. plain… that he may run who reads it.” Re-writing what I wanted then and the journey of what happened up until where I am now.
I guess this is where I start, back at the BEGINNING and the adventure begins again…