A Written Wilderness

Writing is my inner design. I make words dance on paper with my pen. Their structures form like an unborn child taking shape in the womb. I scribe the letters of the soul and resurrect a story’s voice. Ink just flows from me, it runs through my veins as it knows every part of my vessel.

I can write all day. Emotions become transparent water, the hearts thoughts and motives unveil their true value and the adventure of life begins to unfold before the eyes of the very one reading the script. Writing is not just words, it is HEART.

I write simply because I want to write, it is natural to me. I open the textbook of my heart and flick through the spectacles of its dynamic pages. I am like a kid in a candy store, there is so much to see and choose from but you cannot have everything because it will make you sick. Writing is the same for me. I have floods of ideas that run into an ocean as wide as the Pacific but filtering them down stream is a much more mammoth task.

The world of writing is new to me. Reaching into unknown territory through layering research that some of the world of journalism has not exposed to me has been quite eye consuming. I did not know that there was so much involved. Looking at different types and styles of writing, familiarising myself with writing legends and jobs within writing has been mind trafficking, and that is not covering everything. The realisation of truth when crossing the borders of part of an unfamiliar land can be quite scary but rewarding once momentum has kicked in and the race has begun.

I am concluding that no matter the quantity of your head knowledge or having another tell you of your true potential, it is up to you to tap into your internal nature. As I said in my opening sentence ” writing is my inner design”, I still have to get to grips with the DNA of my writing. I believe and know that God has gifted me with writing but unlocking its totality is my written wilderness.

Wilderness can be denoted as a negative term. We associate it with dry, hot, over-exposed, unbearable and endless pain but we forget that the most important part of any wilderness is the JOURNEY. If we equate wilderness to the realms of a person finding themselves or digging deeper to pull something out of them that is hidden, then wilderness can take on a whole new meaning. We forget that we can still LIVE if we know how.

When I refer to a ‘written wilderness’ I am speaking of the wild, uncultivated writer within me that is yet to take on its full form. This is the part of myself with a gifting that needs to be worked on. You do not just form a new habit in two days, it takes one month to generate as part of a renewal process. It takes time.

 

My point is that I have a journalistic background which helps give me some foundations within writing but my written wilderness will be one of my biggest adventures of unmasking for myself. To live daily, unlocking my writing and where it will take me will be one of the hardest but greatest testimony’s of all time. Bettering my English, expanding my reading catalogue, learning and teaching this to others and many other duties are just a few stepping stones in an estuary. This is one of the greatest times of my life.

Help, advice, tips and wisdom are ALWAYS welcome. I write with the aim of bringing change to people’s lives by giving them a eye check-up through my writing. I must now look into doing this for myself internally,  riding the waves of my own mind. Let the path of excitement unroll.

On The Hamster’s Wheel

This is an interesting time in life for me. My early twenty’s, the glorious age of 23. I finished university roughly three years ago with an BA (Hons) degreee in Media and Communications (Journalism) and now I am currently working in the media as a media researcher.

From the age of 11 I said “I want to be a journalist”. I have never known why or can even give a reason even today, it was just always set in my mind; that is what I wanted to be. Since then I followed that pathway; Media Studies GCSE, Media Studies A-Level and then onto my degree. In reality I have achieved my goal of becoming a journalist, well the paper doumented side of jounalism anyway. I followed my decision and have the relevant skills and paper work to be a journalist.

However in my final year of university my heart shifted, I had a sudden change of mind. I remember being in one of my modules and suddenly I thought “I don’t want to do this anymore”. Was it all in my head?  Was my mind speaking or was it my heart? That is still the question I cannot answer not even today.

Now I am sitting here three years later and still cannot answer that very question. For twelve years I always knew what I wanted to be career-wise. Well there was one time where I thought I wanted to be a councellor but after doing A-Level Psychology I quickly changed my mind so that cleared that up. Moving back to the story; three years after my degree I have no idea what I want to be.

Do I want to be a journalist? Do I want to be in the media? How can one instant thought change my twelve year love with media? I cannot even answer that question and being a logical person that is quite frustrating. I spent twelves years finalising my young child dream and now it has blown up in my face. Can passions and dreams just change like that?

All the time I was in university I never thought about what happens if I do not want to be in journalism or even the media anymore; what are my other choices? I never created a plan B even though I minored in web/design and have the skills of Psychology and English Language behind me. It is not totally like I have no other options but the problem is vision.

The Bible says “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” (Proverbs 29:18– KJV). What I love about this scripture is the first statement “Where there is no vision, the people perish…”. I could break this down lingusitically and even decode it through textual analysis but since I love that we could be here all day (and night), so let’s not go there for now. My main and only point is NO VISION. This scripture mentally and emotionally describes my standstill in life at this present time. That one thought back in university has now, three years later, led me to have no vision. No vision for journalism and even worse; no vision for media.

I am reminded of a scene from my favourite Marvel character Thor. In the film there is a scene where he and Dr. Selvig and Thor go to a bar and Thor states that this is the first time where he does not know what he is to do. I love it! That is very much me right about now. I used to know what I wanted to do but now I do not.

This is the reason for this article, even the title of this article “On the hamster’s wheeel”. The concept of a hamster going around and around; going nowhere. The concept of being lost and stuck; a bit like Neo in ‘The Matrix’ or the children of Israel wondering aroud in the wilderness for 40 years (books of Exodus and Deuteronomy in the Bible) and even Thor in my previous paragraph. These are just a few examples that express how I feel about my career at this moment in time. I am a visual learner so visuals speak a language to me.

I think I need to definitely take some time out and reflect on ‘my vision’. Learn to depict, understand and re-work my passions, dreams and work on some goals that I have lost over the last two-three years. Habbakuk 2:2 quotes “And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain on tables, that he may run that reads it.” (American KJV). My emphasis in particular being in the key words “write the vision…. plain… that he may run who reads it.” Re-writing what I wanted then and the journey of what happened up until where I am now.

I guess this is where I start, back at the BEGINNING and the adventure begins again…