Have you died in your past?

I’ve become lost in my films again people! This time it’s Me Before You (stunning book and screenplay written by Jojo Moyes and film directed by Thea Sharrock). Such a beautiful, realism romance story – a real tear-jerker. I really wish I could get lost in this element… can you feel the “but” coming? BUT, I actually learned something quite interesting in such a short space of time. Whether I have fully accepted and processed it is another story, but I want to share the thought with you. I ask you this simple question;

Come and take a walk with me…

The above question was internally posed to me when I had suddenly become drawn to a specific scene of the film. Towards the end, whilst on the beach at night, Louise pours her heart out about how she feels and what the future can hold for herself and William.

Louise sharing her heart with Will

 

 

“Listen, I know this is not how you would have chosen it, but I can make you happy.” – Louise 

 

 

Lou was so happy because she thought she changed Will’s decision to live. It was in this moment when the question began to knock hard on the door of my heart. Will said;

Will telling Louise “no.”

 

“No, no Clark. I get that this could be a good life, but it’s not my life. It’s not even close. You never saw me before. I loved my life. I really loved it…” – Will

 

 

 

No matter how much life had changed for Will; for the better in the last six months, he still wanted to end his life. I want us to remove Will’s story and replace it with our own, our own life. Again, I ask you; “Have you died in your past?”

Will could not face the fact that his life had changed because he died in his old life. After his accident, Will became a different person due to circumstances. He missed the life he used to live and who he used to be in that life. I know I’m not the only person in the world to think “gosh, I miss my past.” We all have our “I miss…” moments. Times when we think about something from our past: a trip or holiday, friends and family where relationships have changed, jobs or career choices, when we made a stupid decision, when we danced or sung, when we had a favourite film or television programme, when we cried in the bathroom, when we got drunk or smoked, when we went clubbing; etc. We’re only human, we miss things from time-to-time, it’s normal. Missing a part of our past is not a problem, but if you have died in that past moment, there is a problem as your present is infected and your future is being affected.

I want you to understand that there is a difference between dying in your past and dying to your past.

1. Dying in your past is when a situation or circumstance has affected you so much that you cannot let go and you died with it. When something similar presents itself, you react the same as you did before or become numb because you never really dealt with it. It means you died in the past and are not; or struggling, to live in the present. You haven’t let go.
2. Dying to your past is accepting that a situation or circumstance changed you, but when it presents itself in the present, you respond differently because you accepted and began, or did deal with it. It means you are or have moved on.

For Will, it was a motorbike accident leaving him disabled from the neck down with other health problems, that caused him to not see a better future outside of his past. He just couldn’t see anymore, no matter how good his present had become and great his future really was. I ask you another question; “What was your accident?”

What crippled you? (metaphorically speaking). What is it that has left you dying? What was the situation, circumstance or person that left you dead? What past moment can you not see beyond? This could be mentally, spiritually, physically or emotionally. We are all individuals and our accidents will be different to each of us. Rhetorical questions are always the most uncomfortable because if you let yourself speak to yourself, you find out what is really inside of you, what you really believe and think.

Thinking of your own story, do not be afraid to find life again in your present. Your future can be great if you will die to your past and not die in your past. Miss the memories and don’t die in them. If you have, I’m here to let you know that there is a different way. You can live again! It might be hard but there is always hope. Ask yourself the rhetorical questions above and ultimately answer the title of this blog post. Find good, wise counsel in people. Seek good advice and find life again. Take baby steps that build heart again, encourage you to see and live again. IT IS POSSIBLE!

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Even though Will chose not to live, in the last six months of his life he actually lived in the present moment. He changed Lou’s future even though he couldn’t change his own. The film shows that you can live if you will just go through the process of being changed, coming out of your past and seeing life; not death, in your future NO MATTER what the circumstances or situations.

Be free from your past, awake in your present and alive for your future. 

 

 

 

Spiritual Dysmorphia

My mind has been running its usual mental marathon, trying to think of a simple analogy to describe an internal spiritual  condition of humanity.

Between 4-5AM of Monday morning, the answer finally came to me… Body Dysmorphia. Random right? However, for the purposes of this blog post I will be using this to describe what I am talking about.

Body Dysmorphia (BDD) is “an anxiety disorder that causes a person to have a distorted view of how they look and to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance.” – NHS definition.

It consists of distressing thoughts about the self (body image) that do not go away. They become negative and are very impactful on an individual’s daily life. A person suffering from it believes they are ugly or defective in some way, and believe other people perceive them the same way. It is very focussed on the ‘external,’ but from an internal perspective.

It is no respecter of persons; affecting both males and females of different ages. It affects many people all over the world and is often hidden by those who struggle with it. More info.

Even though this blog post is not about BDD, this was the answer I was given. I was thinking to myself “why would Body Dysmorphia be the answer I am looking for to describe an internal concept?” The image that followed that question was a woman standing in front of a mirror, and her reflection looking back was very warped.

What Do You See?

I want you to consider something from a spiritual perspective. When using the word ‘spiritual,’ in this context I am referring to something “relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul, as opposed to material or physical things.” – Google definition. I am referring to the internal, not the external.

BDD causes an ugly image to be reflected back, when in reality the true image is different. This is where I flip the script. If we reverse BDD to a spiritual point of view (focussing on the warped reflection looking back – seeing the inside and ignoring the outside), my question to you is: IS THE UGLY, DEFORMED, WARPED PERSON IN YOUR REFLECTION REALLY YOU? This is something I have coined as Spiritual Dysmorphia.

Rather than automatically saying “no” because the outside looks fine, and you may be functioning well – everything is going good for you; no problems or you don’t sense or see any, really have a long look at the warped reflection. Bless God if it’s not true, but the problem is WHEN IT IS TRUE.

Your reflection in this context is who you are as a person: what you do, what you don’t do, your attitude (way of thinking) towards yourself and others, your behaviour in terms of how you treat yourself and others, how you generally think about things, your words and thoughts; etc. Spiritual Dysmorphia is all about the internal; what physically cannot be seen but internally exists under the surface.

Another way to think of Spiritual Dysmorphia is through the Disney Character ‘Beast‘ from Beauty and the Beast.

The Beast

The Beast was externally beautiful but internally ugly: his nature and character were horrible, his heart and mind were ugly too. He was cursed by becoming as ugly externally as he was internally.

“Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.” – Mark 7:15 (New International Version).

“As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person.” – Proverbs 27:19 (New Living Translation).

What is inside of you will eventually leak out. Spiritual Dysmorphia asks you to look at the true state of your internal nature and character. It asks you to check the state and condition of your heart. What is really going on in your spirit and soul? It asks you to question what you are portraying and producing. It requires you to go deeper into the reflection and deal with what it TRULY seen. If left unchecked or sitting in deception, it will crush you, your life and others around you.

Paul from the Bible and Robert Louis Stevenson (author of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde,) are two of my favourite people. They understood the dual nature of humanity – Paul describing it as spirit and flesh (the fight against good and doing what God wants, or bad and doing as ‘me, myself and I’ wants with no care or desire for God as your will is stronger) from a Christian point of view, and Robert describing it as “man is not truly one, but two,” from a novelists’ perspective.

I wanted to highlight this condition as anyone can easily fall into it. There is such a focus on the external when the true issue is our internal nature and character – our heart and mind. What we need to consider is what is really inside us.

It is hard to acknowledge all of ourselves at times, we would like to leave out the bad. But don’t be fooled by believing that you may be ‘all good’ when you may not be, or as Paul would deem as fleshy (acting in your own accord, understanding, will, desires, heart, mind, etc).

Sometimes we can be ignorant to the ugly reflection staring back at us, and sometimes we can be very aware of it. Once revealed to us, we are responsible for what we know and have the chance to change. When we are mature, there is more responsibility and accountability given to us. The problem becomes when we do not seek to change or transform our warped reflection.

“True ignorance is not the absence of knowledge, but the refusal to acquire it.” – Karl Popper.

The Bible speaks a lot about examining yourself (checking yourself). It is important to check yourself for Spiritual Dysmorphia. Praying, reading, observing, reviewing our thoughts, watching your actions and motives – the intents of the heart; etc.

“After all, we don’t want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief—we’re not oblivious to his sly ways!” –2Corinthians 2:11 (The Message Version).

Do not think that you can never be untouched by Spiritual Dysmorphia. Ignorance or pride un-noticed is not bliss.

Choose to take a look today and ponder your reflection. The great thing is that there is always an opportunity to change the deformity. Just remember: Your inside is much more important than your outside.