What is your confession of faith?

I was listening to a worship playlist on Youtube whilst cleaning my room last week Sunday. Suddenly, a song came on called ‘Miracles.’ I had never heard it before but was immediately captivated by the chorus;

“I believe in you. I believe in you. You’re the God of miracles.”

I never paid much attention to it and continued to clean, and that was pretty much the end of that.

It’s now three days later and again I can hear the title of this song in my head. Even though I am working on my writing today (notice the same pattern of working and listening to worship music again,) but this time I stopped and listened. Clearly, God is speaking something through this song and I decided to turn aside and listen to Him.

When something catches your attention it is important that you stop, assess and proceed accordingly. You must identify if it is a distraction or if someone is trying to tell you something.

Just listening to the lyrics of this song, I began to well up inside. I could feel the song taking on a new meaning within me; something was being revealed.

In this version of the song I was listening to, Pastor Bill Johnson mentioned that one of the sons of the house wrote it; his child had died and this is the song that rose from him.

I stopped listening (quickly researched who it was) and found their version of the song online.

And that’s when it hit me; the question, “What is your confession of faith?” I could hear it clearly.

Chris and Alyssa Quilala wrote this song after the loss of their child. Regardless of the circumstance they were in, this was their confession of faith: “I believe in you. I believe in you. You’re the God of miracles.” Their revelation of God did not change.

Upon reflection and sharing this understanding with my mom, there were another two times when a worship song had done this to me and I have not realised:

1. Reckless Love (Cory Asbury) – he wrote this song based upon God going after the lost sheep (Luke 15) – finding the one. That God’s love for us is reckless, it will come after us in ways we cannot fathom. He puts Himself out there hoping we’d, in return, give that love back to Him.

2. Raise a Hallelujah (Jonathan Helser) – written in the fight for a young child’s life. The father of the child sent the message and when Jonathan read it he could feel a giant of unbelief step in and question losing the child. But out of Jonathan’s gut he raised this song.

Do you see it now? SONGS OF REVELATION. God is showing me that these songs are captivating me because they are songs of revelation… they reveal HIM.

This is what I wrote down:

• What is your confession of faith?
• What is it that you believe?
• What do you proclaim in times of darkness?
• The power of worship is inevitable.
• What and who do you worship?
• What and who you worship is your confession.
• What you confess, you worship – be it good or bad.

Songs of revelation open up a new dimension of worship. When you are going through anything, you must listen to your confession… this will become your song of revelation. The thing you will cling to and the thing you will keep singing – declaring.

What is your confession of faith today?

Nature Changes Everything

My final blog post of 2015 will continue on the journey into  character. A reoccurring thought has trapped my mind over the last few days, the thought of ‘the nature of someone or something can change everything.’ A great example of this can be seen through Jason Gideon.

Mandy Patinkin played Jason Gideon, a criminal profiler and Senior Supervisory agent of the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit in the U.S. Police procedural crime series Criminal Minds.

Gideon spent many years training to be a profiler and was one of the best. His knowledge partnered with experience allowed him to be a great asset to the BAU, but as cases went on something inside of Gideon began to change.

During the ‘Boston Shrapnel Bomber’ case, Gideon sent six men into a warehouse which the bomber detonated. Gideon was criticised for his decisions and the handling of the case. He suffered a breakdown, taking six months medical leave suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Upon his return he was Senior Agent with Aaron Hotchner as Unit Chief.

If you have ever watched the show, you will know that the nature of the job is very pressing on every aspect of the agents lives and demands much from them.

After Gideon returned and continued working several trying cases, something had changed. Gideon was no longer mentally and emotionally who he was before. Adding to this he ascended into further emotional turmoil when close friend and love interest, Sarah Jacobs, was killed by an unsub because Gideon would not let him continue to kill people. These events led to Gideon resigning from the BAU.

Gideon’s job cost him the woman he loved and because of this Gideon walked away. He had failed to protect his heart. As he failed to protect his heart, he also lost some of the battle in his mind, hence him leaving his job at the BAU. Things were not how they used to be, somehow they became more personal. Gideon became infected emotionally, physically and mentally. His heart grew weary and his vision became dull.

“I just don’t understand any of it anymore”- Jason Gideon

How much more different are we from Gideon? Life hands out different dealings to each of us. Some we bring upon ourselves and are the consequences of our decisions or actions, whilst others are completely out of our control. Our emotional, physical, mental and spiritual selves are infected.

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life- Proverbs 4:23 (New Living Translation)

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect- Romans 12:1-2 (New American Standard version)

Ephesians 6:10-20 

When we fail to protect or guard ourselves, we become infected. What infects you? What causes you to turn over inside? What causes your nature to change? Do you change for better or for worse? Work, religion, family and friends, beliefs, values, society, media, emotions, thoughts, health, wealth, traditions, cultures; an endless list.

Impacts from these and other things also change our perspective. Our vision becomes distorted. Gideon was a great profiler, of which we saw in series 10 when Gideon was hot on the trail of an unsub even though he had left the BAU. Being a profiler was still inside of Gideon but somewhere down the line what he had gone through he allowed to change his nature.

“I guess I’m just looking for it again. For the belief I had back in college. The belief I had when I first met Sarah and it all seemed so right. The belief in happy endings” – Jason Gideon

Gideon had to find hope again before he could move forward. Going into the new year, most people make new year resolutions. We set new challenges, orders, goals and structures in our lives with a deadline. I charge you with this menacing thought for 2016; WHAT WILL I ALLOW TO CHANGE MY NATURE THIS YEAR?

We must protect our hearts, minds, souls and spirits from internal and external circumstances, as well as their impact on us. Really take time out to see who you really are as a person. What is your nature saying? What changes or is changing your nature? Renew things which need to be renewed and let go of things that are not good for you.

I end again with this, ‘the nature of someone or something can change everything.’

Quotes about character

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.”
― August Wilson

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
― John Wooden

“Character is like a tree and reputation its shadow. The shadow is what we think it is and the tree is the real thing.”
― Abraham Lincoln

“People do not seem to realise that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“When you choose your friends, don’t be short-changed by choosing personality over character.”
― W. Somerset Maugham

“Character is doing what you don’t want to do but know you should do.”
― Joyce Meyer

“One’s character is set at an early age. The choices you make now will affect you for the rest of your life. I hate to see you swim out so far you can’t swim back.”
― Wendelin Van Draanen, Flipped

“Choices determine character.”
― Brandon Mull, Secrets of the Dragon Sanctuary

“We cannot live better than in seeking to become better.”
― Socrates

 

I Think I Get The Wicked Witch

The Wicked Witch- Oz The Great & Powerful

I was at my sisters the other night and ‘Oz The Great & Powerful’ was on one of the movie channels. I have not watched this film previously in full, only spot checked it at work; so I had only very little idea of what to expect.

It was a good film to be honest but what I loved the most was how they depicted the wicked witch. The wizard came to town; the man that had been prophesied about (forseen/ spoken of) and believed in soo much that would end the wicked witches reign of terror. The film reveals the story of wicked witch falling in love with the wizard. I was shocked about this as I never knew there was this side of the story, I just thought the witch was just wicked. This really stood out for me and made me think about the witch in a different light and why she was the way she was.

The story goes on to unfold how the wicked witch thought he was hers; that she would be his Queen. She pretty much fell for him. However this was not the plan, mindset or heart of the wizard; she was not for him in that way. She goes to her sister heart-broken and wants to not feel the pain. Her sister, after manipulating the situation further then gives her an apple; to her surprise it turns her into the green monster that she is today.

The Agreement- The Wicked Witch

What I find most captivating is her transformation. Her ugliness came out because of what the wizard had done. For those who have watched the film, you could say that it was all in the witches head or that it was obvious he did not want her. That is true however when we look a little closer the wizard expressed these feelings of not wanting her in that way to his friends; not her. That is my point, that is the part of the story I would like to discuss.

I came across the above Bob Marley quote on someone’s Facebook page. This came back to mind after watching this film. It reminded me a lot of the wicked witch. In life we so often see the external manifestation of an internal wound. In this case the witch turned a green skin tone and became extremely nasty, more nasty than previously as all she had was a bad temper; this being the external manifestation but if we back-track a little we see why this happened. She had hopes, desires and dreams of becoming not only loved by the wizard but his Queen, this being unfulfilled and unmet led to her becoming heart-broken and making an agreement/ vow of never wanting to be heart-broken again or ever feel that pain; this being the internal factor. So there you see it, the external manifestation of an internal wound.

Heartbroken- The Wicked Witch

Lets face it most of us have been in this position in life at least once; heart-broken about something. Who ever really wants to feel that pain, sit with it, think about it? Who wants to ever express it? I know I don’t, do you? With this in mind I think we can take it a little easy on the wicked witch. I am not excusing her behaviour but I am seeing her wound. Choosing to never sit with or deal with her heartbrokenness did not help matters and caused the pain to take root and grow into bitterness. She chose to act out of her wound rather than act out of getting over it. I am just saying I can identify with why she is the way she is, not justify it.

I always get angry at the above Bob Marley quote and stories like the wicked witch. I hated the fact that a man would come into a woman’s life, open her up like a flower and then BAM, do something that then causes her to shrivel back up like an old prune. This is also the case for women doing it to men. I am UNIVERSALLY speaking; even in friendships; all forms of relationships, etc. However I guess I am still walking out my own healing and deliverance in this area. Getting better understandings by God alone about the power of forgiveness and love.

I always remember T.D. Jakes saying “hurt people always hurt people”. I have never forgotten this but hurt still hurts. Regardless of what people do we always have a choice; we deal with the pain or we become the pain like the wicked witch, letting it take root and turn us into something ugly which we are not. It is not easy to make the right obvious choice but as the Bible says in Deuteronomy 30:19 “his day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live,” (New International Version). The key words being from this verse being Now choose life.

Will you choose life?

An Antidote For Pain

Tears from the inside out

I woke up this morning and one of the first things I did was cry. Lets face it, crying is no stranger to me but quite a close friend, we could be BFF’s most of the time. Lets just say that I am quite in touch with my emotions, not always being a good thing. It means I get hurt easily and most often take things to heart and out of context. I will not use the excuse of “I’m only human”, that’s really not what it is all about but the truth of the matter is how do you deal with the pain of your heart?     Most times I just sit and cry but no ordinary cry- a pain cry. Situations and circumstances overwhelm the heart and become a bit too much, the eyes become blinded by the object rather than the truth or positivity. A pain cry is no ordinary cry, it’s a cry of the heart- an inside out cry. The tears you cry are not just an emotional reaction but are speaking the language of your heart. Sometimes people can be in so much pain that they don’t even cry anymore, they wrap it all up into a little box and lock it up within side them. It sometimes becomes too much. People can speak words of encouragment, positivity and truth but it makes no difference as the heart is too hurt to receive anything. We are a great people; we have many different talents and giftings- we can do much but how do we deal with an inside pain?

• Do you speak to someone?
• Do you take drugs and get high to forget about it?
• Do you drink to numb the pain?
• Turn up the music and turn off the emotions?
• Do you have countless sex to forget about things?
• Do you find the wrong acceptance or love in others?
• Do you lock it up?
• Do you physically hurt yourself?

Which catergory is yours? Are there more? Only we personally and individually can answer these questions to ourselves truthfully about the habits we have built or allowed to form in our lives but an even greater question is: What is happening inside me?

Like I have said before in previous posts, we need to deal with ourselves and our lives but PAIN… this is something different, a different kind of experience and emotion. We have to make sure that we deal with pain properly and over time, getting the correct healing and taking the correct measures to get healing whether it be physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. We don’t just get over pain, it’s a process. People may of hurt you in any way you can’t even think about never mind describe, you may of experienced loss or loss of a loved one or it could be something else- many options. Pain is very real but you must remember that regardless you are never alone. Seek help that can help you but first recognise it yourself; if you never want to change then you never will.

Crying is one of the best releases of my own pain in my life for me. I’ve got to a pain where crying is no longer enough, the pain is still there. The release happens but the heart still hurts. I have Jesus Christ in my life and I still find it hard. I am supposed to go to him with all my problems and burdens but I don’t. How do you cope? A good old cry is more amazing than you think, it’s a good start. However like any other start you must continue until you finish. Like a drug rehabilitation programme, you must finish it to see a greater result. Crying is the start of the antidote but it is no where near the end of it. Be encouraged to find your antidote for your pain, the start to the finish.

The Masked Avenger

Criminal Minds: True Night

Once again, here I go with grossly advertising television programme Criminal Minds. However, once again I must say that I watched another entirely unspeakable episode of Criminal Minds- I jumped straight into season 3; episode 10 titled True Night.

If you haven’t watched it then I highly recommend you do. Basically, just to summarise the episode; a young comic book artist (amazingly drawn by the way) starts to draw these graphically exposed sinister murder scenes of a masked person killing people in certain locations with a samurai sword. However these drawings begin to become a gory reality. The BAU team are sent in to investigate. To cut a long story short, it turns out to be the comic book guy who is drawing the murders then committing them in real time. After experiencing a traumatic event, he went onto to becoming this killer. He and his girlfriend decided to go to the shop to get some beef jerky (as she was hungry) late at night. After purchasing what she wanted, she tells Jonny that she is pregnant and the couple are happy and continue walking. Then they are stopped whilst walking and after hearing the baby news, Jonny proposes to his girlfriend BUT as he pops the question awaiting an answer, they are stopped in their tracks by a gang. The gang mimic the proposal scene and form the traumatic event that causes Jonny to become his NEW identity. They rape his pregnant girlfriend in front of him, making him watch, and then kill her. They then deeply cut Jonny physically wide open in his stomach as well as beating him, leaving him nearly dead.  

You’re probably thinking “who cares” or even better “what’s the hype about”, “what’s my point?” Well let me tell you this my friends… my point is the new identity that is formed… the masked avenger formed to cope with the event. My last blog titled ‘The Alter Ego Doorway’ is pretty much linked to this. I talked about alter personalities formed to help us cope but now this time; the trauma, forget or repression of events mentally can actually form a new identity. The WHAT now becomes known for WHY the mask exists.

We look around in society and a big cry of WHO AM I screams out. Young children trying to the adults, adults acting like kids- we could go on but I won’t lol. Identity seems to be stolen, the confident status quo slowly disappearing from the earth.

Jonny McHale played by actor Frankie Muniz (Malcolm In The Middle) simply went through the most traumatic event of his life. His physical injuries and the complete heartbreak of watching his girlfriend been raped and killed; also losing his unborn FIRST baby left him terribly wounded. His mind started recalling repressed memories little by little of what happened. His clear gifting and talents mentally constructed this masked figure, this masked avenger per say. The one who would go out and stop all the baddies; however there was one big problem. The trauma led to a spree of uncontrollable unforgettable events. When you watch the episode, you will see that it was of no fault of his own but the receiving of no long term psychological help allowed this new identity to form and take control- destroying the very little of Jonny that was left.

In this case repression and forget were tools (branches as you would say) used for helping to construct the masked avenger identity. How long do we go on for repressing and seeking no long term help for our traumatic, repressed events in our lives? Do we create a new identity? If so what identity do we create- the killer, the confident chick, the introvert soul, the loud mouth, Mr. I don’t give a damn, the street slut??? What identity do you own or what identity owns you?

Life throws unspeakable things at us- the very smallest thing like a child leaving home for the first time to go out and experience the big bad world to people committing suicide leaving their partners or loved ones behind with nothing but unspeakable loss and painful precious memories. Regardless of the scale, all these events are BIG to a person in some way, shape or form. The pain these events leave behind can be major and terribly factors draining people physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. But our biggest issue is the mask… what we do to get rid of the memories and emotions? The scariest thing we can sometimes do is HIDE.

Jonny could not face what he went through; he was totally broken. The pain of his ordeal let him mentally create a character that took revenge on the gang members who destroyed his life and took everything away from him- Jonny was avenged; his new character avenged him. However Johnny didn’t realise that the character (mask per say) he created was actually himself- how he really felt.

We obviously take into account the mental and medical state of people when dealing with traumatic events but do we deal with the masked identities constructed to help deal with the pain, with the trauma, with the memories from the event? Just from looking at people throughout society you can clearly see that when people don’t deal with any issue they face, it becomes very evident- the issue becomes them. However my thought is that what identity is created when we don’t deal with issues in our lives. Another example would be the King Of Pop  Michael Jackson– he created Peter Pan (the boy who never grew up and looking into Jackson’s childhood, he never got the chance to be a boy so Peter Pan was an identifiable character for him and so this identity he had taken on in his own life). Even in my blog post entry, Adam formed Amanda to help protect him. This tells us that we construct identities to shell (protect) and hide the real pain- the raw emotions- our true hearts and minds. However the problem becomes when the identity becomes who we are, when really we are not this identity but have created it to help us cope, help us protect or hide the real pain of what happened- the truth.

The only way we can get rid of these masks is by facing the truth, by facing what has made us do this. The truth is ugly (so they say) and everyone is different and what we go through is different. Not everyone can sit and talk to someone and change just like that- the change is not important but the steps towards making the change to help yourself are important and then the change will come. So how do we move? What do I do? 

SEEK HELP, I don’t mean run to the world and tell them your problems but seek the help you need before your mask haunts you.

The Alter-Ego Doorway

I just watched a FANTASTIC episode of Criminal Minds, season 4 and titled ‘Conflicted’. The BAU team are investigating deaths of frat boys being lured to their deaths at a spring break hotel, where a manager and janitor have a unique bond. The episode sounds like another ‘orginal’ episode of Criminal Minds but you should DEFINITELY watch it.

The thing that caught my eye on was the ALTER-EGO. Adam Jackson (played by Jackson Rathbone) had a horrid (horrid being a nice word) childhood; his mother suffered spousal abuse and she died when he was young. He then lived with his step-father who de-flected the abuse he gave Adam’s mother onto Adam. He would dress Adam up in dresses, touch him inappropriately and would beat him.

Adam

To cope Adam formed an alter ego named Amanda. Amanda became the more dominant personality within Adam. She protected Adam by taking over in his child-hood when Adam would suffer the immense abuse from his step-father. Amanda was stronger than Adam.

When Adam was finally taken away from his step-father and taken into foster care; it was finally over. He was away from his step-father and could finally break free, get help and start afresh. When older, Adam found a friend in Julie Riley (played by Susan Ward) who helped out or volunteered at the foster home Adam was in. He then went onto work for Julie who became his boss and hotel manager at spring break resort hotel. She looked after him as if he was her own. However suddenly deaths occured. Alpha male frat boys were being killed- tied up, raped and suffocated. Adam happened to find the 2nd victim after being asked to clean the room; which was really the crime scene.

It turned out that Adam was the suspected couple that the BAU were looking for. Adam and … Amanda. Adam’s alter-ego caused him to dress up as a woman, lure the frat boys into hotel rooms, tied them up, gag their mouths, put a plastic bag over their head for suffocation and also rape them. What Adam suffered at the hands of his step-father which alter ego Amanda took over to cope with now became the act upon Adam in his older life. Amanda had all power whilst Adam did not know what was happening, he was still the young child within.

Amanda

This fascinated me on multiple levels leading to one trail of thought… does what we go through (past/ present/ future) open a doorway to be opened to another personality?

Is an alter-ego personality really a personality of something else?

Is an alter-ego really another spirit?

Does an alter ego help us cope with things?

What is it???

Bringing into context religion, science, psychology, sociology, etc… What purpose does an alter ego serve and is life a doorway for alter-ego’s to be produced?

I found this very interesting. Amanda came because of what Adam went through but Adam was the ‘REAL’ person. Therefore who or what was Amanda?

This just fascinates me. Such an interesting topic I personally think?

At the end of the episode Adam/ Amanda is caught and she vows to protect Adam by completely taking over and Adam becomes no more. Dr Reid (played by Matthew Grey Gubler) keeps visiting Amanda, in a devoted attempt to find and bring back Adam. Dr Reid then quotes;

Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win- Stephen King

But SPIRITS are also real…

Ok… hold up, let’s take a step back. Am I really saying that an alter-ego is a spirit? Well the answer is YES! However I would like to say that it is a spirit for the better or the worse.

Think about it, even as children we play pretend, play make believe and even have imaginary friends. Even as children we create/ form these characters that are not actually real. In most cases these characters disappear but in some cases they don’t. Let’s get into this. Let’s talk about the great film (in my eyes) Hide and Seek.

Film: Scene from Hide and Seek

A father (played by Robert De Niro) goes to great lengths to help his daughter Emily (played by Dakota Fanning) by personally and professionally getting her the help she needs after witnessing her mothers dead body in a bath of blood due to her commiting suicide. He uproots and moves Emily to a new area, a new environment and everything as her progression was slow. Here we go… let’s get ready… Emily suddenly has an imaginary friend called Charlie. Her and Charlie are now the best of friends. However things become very strange. Cutting a lond story short, Charlie turns out to be her father… his ‘other side’, after he could not get over his wife cheating. Charlie formed, killed his wife and others, almost his own daughter.Does this not sound similar to my point about Adam and Amanda??? Once again another person with an alter ego.

However comic superheros are also know for having alter egos; Superman and Clark Kent, Spiderman and Peter Parker, Bruce Banner and the Hulk; Bruce Wayne and Batman, etc… These superhero’s have alter-egos but they aren’t bad. They are actually good. But then on the other hand we have some of the greatest characters such as Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde; once again another alter-ego personality but a bad one in this case.

Not only has fiction constructed alter-egos but so has reality. Popstars including the talented Beyonce has Sasha Fierce, Nicky Minaj has many including Barbie and now Roman; even pop king Michael Jackson had Peter Pan.

What’s my point? What am I trying to say? Am I slating alter-ego and it’s research… NO. Am I saying people are possessed and crazy…. NO. I’m saying that an alter-ego is a spirit, spirit in the context of a personality looking for a body then making itself known. An alter-ego to me is a new nature. We call it a character, a trait, an action similar to ourselves or a hidden part of ourselves; regardless it is a nature. Something we aquire to do.

Biblical references come to mind.

James 1: 8– A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

Luke 17: 33– Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.

In both Criminal Minds and Hide and Seek, both parties lost their lives to their alter-egos. The alter egos formed were dominant and took over, rather than hellping them cope with the bad hand that life dealt then it resulted in them losing their lives. A new nature is a good thing, it was never meant to be bad.

An alter-ego serves as a good and a bad thing. Life throws crap (being a nice word) at us. People suffer in un-imaginable ways and their life becomes no more- Adam Jackson from Criminal Minds being a fictional example. I’m sure we all know someone in reality though???

Circumstances and situaions we go through, whether we know or do not know- good or bad; will open up doorways. There’s always a consequence for everything we do, whether the offender or the victim. But don’t let the wrong alter-ego in. We can have personlity’s (and thankfully we do) but we should still be the person we are rather than creating something we are not.

Masquerade. Paper faces on parade. Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you.- The Phantom of the Opera

Don’t hide away too much…